THE question

Who am I? I am the president of the Spanish Honor Society, the Vice-Pres of Interact, a NHS member, a student council “volunteer,” the valedictorian of my graduating class, One-Act Play student director, a debater- state bound, by the way- and I’m always busy. But those are things I do. What is that? How do you answer that? I am the 17 year old daughter of (edited by author; hehe). I love to wash dishes. I love to cook. I love to mow grass because I like to see what I can accomplish (nothing on my own, of course, I know this). I love to paint. Not masterpieces, mind you, but just to cover walls and have lots of messy fun. I don’t like the way I look. I like people and talking. I love to shop and take baths and get massages and have my hair played with. I need to be needed, but there are some days when I don’t want to be needed at all. I get stressed when I’m rushed. I procrastinate. I’m college-bound and scared to death. I’ve never had a boyfriend and I don’t know who I love anymore. But my answer remains “wait.” I love the feel of the sun and a cool wind on a warm day. Green is my favorite color. I like to be held. I don’t like to be clung to. I love to surf the internet and read random blogs. I like to peer into people’s lives and make arbitrary comments. And some that are not so impulsive. I don’t like to do research papers and missing school makes my stomach churn. I’m scared that I’ll be left behind and not be able to catch back up. (Baseless fears, I realize, but existent nonetheless.) I hate lab write-ups and horrible lab partners. I want to get my hair cut. I want the Hobbit (my car) fixed. I miss my family- cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents- and I want a life but I don’t have time for a life! I want to meet people and make an impression, but there’s nobody in the world I care to make an impression on whom I either haven’t already or just don’t care about. The way I live, people get impressions of me from other people, so in a lot of cases I don’t actually make an impression, but rather verify or negate prior assumptions or notions about my personality and/or appearance. Who can really tell me who I am? I obviously can’t tell myself, so how can anybody tell? Who knows me better than me? I think I need a vacation from life. I need to take a soul-searching journey into the great known and come back with a new grasp on once-familiar (but now strangely alien) surroundings. Where am I? Who am I? Are you my mother? Lol. Random thought, sorry. But maybe I’m depressed or lonely or fried. SB is coming up soon. There’s still no answer from Dad. Sorry. I haven’t brought it up again. Maybe I can discover who I am after I find out who I see when I look in the mirror. I think I need some reference points. Any tips on soul-searching, relaxation, finding answers, or any random thoughts are welcome, despite what I told Chad about receiving comments from “observers.” I think now I might need one or two of those. Later all.