Dilemmas

Hey all. Zachary Binx, he didn't answer me yet, but I talked to Jim about who all was going with us, and I think our group expanded. I went dress shopping yesterday. I found this really cute dress at Arc & Sparkle, but it was $170. In Austin I saw this GORGEOUS dress at Dillard's, that actually fit and everything, and it was $150, so it all depends on how much Dad is willing to spend. He originally said $100, but the odds of my finding a dress for less than $150 that I really like are slim to none. I think I'll go to the resale shop this weekend. It's Dogwood this weekend, Porkchop. You comin down? We've got to march and then I'm running lights at the pageant. Prolly go hang out at the police station or wander around town like last weekend between the two events. Unless I go to Jarrod's again. But I'm reluctant to wear out my welcome, since we are going to prom together. Last weekend, I walked from the courthouse to his house. Long walk. Maybe the Hobbit will be running again by Saturday... I'm not going to go to the Kingsman Ball Friday. I just don't want to get all dressed up to go dance with old people. I may change my mind, but only after I talk to Cooney and Porkchop and maybe Jim and Brandy. We'll see. I'll keep you posted about that. I have my dress from homecoming last year (gorgeous black dress), but I don't have shoes and I have no idea what I would do with my hair. So those are my dilemmas. Should I go to the dance? And what do I do between the parade and pageant? Ideas? From anybody. Well, I'm going to get a shower. Then I've got to clean the kitchen and finish some laundry. I might just clean my room. Brad's going to come pick me up and take me to practice tonight. Should I be worried? Lol. He's not exactly the most reliable person, or an incredibly safe driver, but I trust him. Go figure. Love y'all! Toodles!

I've got a Secret...

And I'll never te-ell. No, just kidding. Here's my news: I’ve got a prom date! Yay! I got a phone call last night at about 7 last night. After wondering what on earth he was calling me for, Jarrod tells me “I’m going to prom.” And so I have a date! I asked him earlier this year if he wanted to go to prom, and if he wanted to go to me. He was originally going to a concert that weekend, but his mom talked him into going. Since I asked him, he gets to pick the restaurant for dinner. So we’re going to Johnny Carino’s, which is fine with me. We’re going with Ashley C. Tullia, Tim, Josh’s date, and Jim (if she wants to go with a bunch of “losers” ;) ).

Jarrod’s been one of my best friends for a long time now, which is a phenomenon I haven’t quite figured out. We just… understand each other. I can talk to him and he just listens, which is something I need sometimes more than friendly advice. He’s my buddy. And I guess we’ll always be that way. We have this amazingly awesome camaraderie. Once, at his house, we were going someplace, I think out to get something to eat for the family, and he asked me if I was ready, and it suddenly struck me that I would never lose the friendship we have, and if something happened and I did, it would break my heart. And whenever I hang out at his house, which happened quite frequently when he’s home, his parents always welcome me with open arms and an open pantry. Hehe. It seems lie they always feed me something. We’ve had Dairy Queen, pork ribs, leftovers, snacks, and pizza. It’s so nice to never feel like I’m imposing unless I’m imagining things. Some days I don’t like to stay very long because they do so much for me when I’m there, and I feel indebted to them. But I supposed it’s just his mom’s way of repaying me (unnecessarily) for being Jarrod’s friend.

Mom had a friend with whom she was very close and Dad adjusted to her friendship and became friends with her friend, so now they both love him and his family to death. I suppose Jarrod will be like that with me and whoever I end up with. He means that much to me. I guess I’ve never really told anybody about how I see Jarrod before now.

Well, just wanted to let everybody know that I’ve got a prom date!!! My very first prom date (which isn’t too bad a statistic since I’m only going to two total) and my first official “date”, even if he is just a friend. I’m going dress shopping today for a little while in town after my optometrist appointment.
Dad’s going to pay for my dress, so I’ve just got to pick one out. I’m going to pick up some shoes for the Kingsmen Ball Friday night, too. I haven’t actually decided about going, but I’m leaning toward a yes since Kristen and Sarah and a bunch of my friends are going to be there. I don’t know if I should bring somebody or not… Jim, do you have an escort or are you just going with Sarah? Well, toodles ya’ll! Love ya!

Gettin Stuck

I wrote that last post before this happened, so I thought it would be appropriate to separate them. Ok, last night we went to get my father unstuck at our pasture down the road from our house. This pasture is chock-full of gumbo! If you northerners don’t know what that is, it’s best described as dark clay-like dirt that clings to everything and makes for awesome muddin in any season. Anyway, we had the HARDEST time getting out of that sludge! You can see the four-wheelers and our clothing. http://photobucket.com/albums/y59/pampam05/ It was… fun, if a bit messy. We raced home on the highway (illegal, I know, but necessary). Got home at about 11:30 (we left at 10) and took off our muddy outer layers under the carport and ran inside, got showers, and went to bed. I’m now tired and injured. The rope burn is from the rope we were going to pull the other 4-wheeler out with. It got caught on the tire and pulled off into the mud. Unfortunately, it was still around my wrist at that point. I got a hole in my finger from lifting the gate. That really hurt, but I didn’t even cry! Aren’t y’all proud? Well, after my night of adventure, it is MY job to clean off the buggies and make sure everything is back where it belongs. Oh joy. Well, toodles! Love to all.

The Butterfly Effect

Watched The Butterfly Effect last night. That was very interesting. It brings to mind a very serious question. One that I thankfully don’t have to face. Would I give up knowing the person I love the most in order to save that person and those around me? I don’t know if I could decide. Given the situation presented in the movie, I would presumably choose the same over-all outcome. It actually turned out perfectly fine except for that seemingly small- but in reality the ultimate- sacrifice. Any thoughts?

Chores

I finished my chores for today! With the exception of finishing the laundry, that is. I cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed, swept, folded clothes, cleaned the bathroom, and straightened my room and the living room. There's nothing better than hot sudsy water... No, mowing the lawn is definitely better. The only part of all that I didn't/don't enjoy is switching the wash. I can handle folding and putting away, even hanging up clothes, but being interrupted every hour... Oh well. At least I got stuff accomplished. And I'm not stressed about much right now, so that's good. Maybe I'll go climb a tree later. I seriously plan on the nature walk/huntin trip before the week's up. I'll keep you posted. Love y'all! Talk to you later. Toodles.

Spring Break

Yay! Finally!!! I'm on Spring Break! My fried brain wil have time to cool off, even though I do have to do some chores. Well, just wanted to let everyone know it was time to CELEBRATE!!! Toodles for now!

Home

Okay, my list about home. Things I love about Home:
The sound of Dad practicing the song he’s going to sing at church
The busyness of Sunday mornings
The smell of dinner on the stove
Uninterrupted afternoon naps
Listening to the rain lull me to sleep at night
Taking hot showers whenever I want
Listening to Derek and Brandy talk and laugh on the weekends
The sound of the calves after each weaning
The sight of our horse running and playing on cold winter days
My puppies wrestling on the living room floor
The massive oak tree in the back yard
Green, green grass and fading blue Texas skies late in the afternoon
Sunsets over the lake
Moonrises over the lake
Trick-or-treating in the neighborhood
Watching the kids ride bikes back and forth to each other’s houses
Muddin on the four-wheelers
Muddin in the truck
Chasin cows
Talkin about cow tippin and snipe huntin
Fresh sausage
Home-grown beef
Peaceful spring evenings in the woods
Slow-paced city streets
Going to Wal-Mart to hang out
Pretending you’ve got someplace to go just so you can start your car in front of everybody
Volunteering to help at church
Children who all know your name
Being the first big attraction in the annual festival parade (the band)
Knowing everybody’s name in your class and almost in the whole school
Remembering the good times
Bonfires late at night, listenin to good ole Texas country
Weenie roasts
Marshmallows around the fire
Family get-togethers
Pizza from the little store down the road
Riding four-wheelers illegally down the shoulder of the highway
Goin to the horse parade
Burnin candles and nobody caring
Drying flowers in the curtains
Knowing all of the police officers in town
Mowing the lawn on Saturdays
Taking candid photos of people
Playing with our “big” dogs
Sleepin on over spring break
Painting walls
Listening to the weather channel in the background
Watching goofy TV shows
Yelling at the TV during football games
Curling up around my body pillow and sleeping in on Saturday
Going to impromptu get-togethers
Running into Beaumont for a movie or some bowling
Riding in Jarrod’s truck
Chillin and watching movies
Talkin on the phone to all my pals
Driving the Hobbit
Taking naps outside in the summer time
Reading my favorite books twice in a row in my room
Watching the grass grow and the flowers bloom
Feeling that awesome Texas sun on my back every season of the year

The only thing that really stinks is the lack of snow. No snowboarding, no skiing, no snowballs. I’ve never even seen snow in real life. Pity me. Hehe. But it’s really great at home. Happy Easter! Toodles! Now I’m gonna go do some push-ups…

In town

Hey all. Shoutin out from my buddy Jarrod's house in the wood pile. I'll definitely be working on that "things about home" list like amethyst did. Listenin to Texas country! wOOt! Lol. Toodles!

Short and Sweet

Ok, my blog post today is going to be short and sweet. Dad and I went to get Derek yesterday from college. I was supposed to go to UIL comp, but I didn’t. Hehe. I then mowed the front yard when we got home, which was ok, but I got a blister on my hand. I’m a wimp, I know. Today is our children’s Easter celebration at church where we’ll hide eggs, cook food, and tell the Easter story. It’s pretty fun. Well, happy Easter to all! Love y’all and toodles!

One Act Competition

We got first!!! wOOt!!! We're advancing to area! And I'm so proud of all of my boys! They were all terrific! We also got best ensemble and best actress, along with some all-star honorable mentions and all-star casts. Yay! After 4 years, we're finally advancing! I was seriously more pumped than this but I read a comment from some french dude on Pass the Ammo and got mad. But I had pizza today and a blast during the play (I love to be on edge), and I finished my English paper (11 pages! hoo-rah!) and took a super-easy calculus test. I'm off for the next 10 days from school and all I have to do over the break is do my Physics test (a take-home test, due Monday) and problems. Piece of cake! Well, I'm gonna go mess around and surf some more, so toodles! Love y'all! Oh, and I got a cute dress for Easter and new shoes!!! I love shoes...

High School terminology

The word for today is "dealio." Pronounced DEAL ee o, it means the same exact thing as you would guess it means. Surprised? It's typical, believe me. Hehe. Toodles.

Spring!!!

It's spring in the wood pile. The trees and flowers are blossoming and blooming. The pollen is running in yellow rivers down the sidewalks after our periodic showers... But it's so gorgeous!!! I mean, who couldn't help being amazed by the blue Texas skies and soft, green grass? It's delicious! Ok, I know that sounds strange, but I'm one who would love to live in a perpetually spring to fall to spring atmosphere. Skip summer and winter completely as long as it's still warm enough to swim.

Does anybody else like french fries on their hamburger? And lots of ketchup... I'm having a great day, thanks for asking. Hope y'all are stayin cool and safe! Love y'all! Toodles!

Jam-Packed

Hello again Blogosphere! How is everybody today? Not many comment lately, but I know all of my friends are still out there. So, report in! Let me know how things are going and how life is treating you so far this week, Props to Chad for his super-cool theme design. And a shout-out to Erik on spring break! Heath, hope you're having an awesome day! Brandy, talk to ya later girl. Thanks so much for the messages you leave in my locker! Jim, thanks for getting interested in blogging and writing regularly. Porkchop, love you so much! Miss ya girlie! Lil Sis, BIG HUG!!! I know y'all are praying for me, and I'm praying for y'all, too! Any special requests, just let me know. Anybody figured out who 6MIM is yet? Not me, though I've been asking around. I haven't asked Brandy or Jim, but I don't think it's either one of them. We'll see. Or at least I hope we will. No, I'm not being paranoid, Chad, I'm just curious. I feel like I should know this person and I don't. Just been on my mind a tad lately. Had a dream Saturday night about Trevor. He got sick during our OAP performance and I had to let everybody know to act around his part, and then I went and took care of him. Why did I dream this? I don't know. No rhyme or reason except maybe an unexplored fear that all won't go well during competition or tomorrow night's performance. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. Hehe. That's a song. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure some of you know that, but I had to tell the younger generation just in case.

When I grow up and get rich (hehe, I can dream, right?) I want a personal masseuse and a really big 4X4 truck. I like pie. I really really like pie. Apple pie, and cherry pie, and punkin pie, and pee-can pie, and coconut creme pie, and chocolate pie, and fudge pee-can pie, and lemon meringue pie, and shrimp pie, and shrimp kabobs, and shrimp gumbo, and shrimp fettucini, and shrimp ice cream, and shrimp scampi, and fried shrimp, and boiled shrimp, and stewed shrimp, and sauteed shrimp, and shrimp a la mode (with ice cream), and shrimp with mushrooms, and steak 'n' shrimp, and shrimp and taters, and pork and beans. Courtesy of Forrest and Tito.

Life's like a box of chocolates. Sometimes, you take a bite of one and you find it completely disgusting, but sometimes, on a wild gamble, you stumble onto the greatest tastin piece ever created. Which piece are you chewin on? Is it more than you can handle? It ain't more than HE can handle. Promise. Funny, idn't it, how He can turn a nasty booger of a situation into a great thing and never need your help at all? Or He can use the strangest things to draw you closer to him... For instance, this blog started out as a completely blank space, as did all of our blogs did. And, through interactions with all of y'all I'm feeling more inclined to pray more often, instead of when I think of a specific need. Like prayin for Heath and Porkchop all the time. And prayin for Chad, Carrie Ann, Jim, Lil Sis, and Brandy. And prayin for Erik. The one on spring break and the other one I know.

Which reminds me. Chad, you and your buds will sympathize, I'm sure. To summarize, this other Erik was out with his buddies and all of their wives when one of them had an accident. Half of his face was shot off at close range by his own dropped sawed-off shotgun. Erik ran down to check on him after he screamed and passed out at the sight. After they took the injured guy to the hospital, Erik went to see about him. He found out that he was already gone and passed out again. The whole experience was very traumatizing, as I'm sure you can well imagine. Erik is having an understandably difficult time dealing with this and is in serious need of our prayers.

So, anyway, thanks for readin this jam-packed post. I hope it made you laugh, made you think and that you enjoyed visiting the twisted mind of Spatula (a.k.a. Spat, Pam, Map, Wad, Spam, Pam-Pam, Pam-Bam, Spamela, Pammy, and Mom). Love and toodles!

NHS

National Honor Society inductions are tonight at 7:30. We, the members have to be here at 7:15 while the inductees have to be here at 7. My task is introducing the guest speaker. Fun fun. Then OAP practice tonight from about 8:30 or 9 until midnight. Super, huh? Mom's car is busted. Radiator's got a hole in it. That makes three out of four vehicles out of commission. Dad doesn't have his work truck anymore. We're floundering, but spring break is next week, so we'll make it, if just barely. Things are smooth for the time being, since I have a few of my biggest tasks taken care of or postponed. The research paper is still due Thursday, but I checked out on of these cool little typer-thingys called an Alphasmart, so I can work at home. They're like a word document in a portable, battery-operated mini-computer. And the info transfers to the big computers, so we save time and can go and work elsewhere. They're rather convenient. So, here I am killing time again in the library. Oh, there's the bell! Til tomorrow then! Love to all. Toodles!

Praise the Lord! Pass the...

Casserole! Hehe. In light of it being Sunday, my reflections on my religion of practice are as follows: agree with most everything except the dancing and drinking policies. Now don't misunderstand, I don't approve of drinking and driving or getting so smashed you can't see or walk straight, but I, being a teenager and rather inexperienced in that field, see nothing wrong with consuming, as long as it's not in excess. But maybe that's just me. The whole dancing thing just kills me! Watch Footloose! Lol. Great movie, if rather cheesy. But on with the day. I really do love going to church, and I feel sorry for people who aren't in a position to go every Sunday. Or Saturday, depending on denomination. Which is another thing that's incredibly flexible with me. I haven't had a chance to explore different views and choose my own. I don't know if I will when I get out into the world, but it's a thought. A special thanks to Erik and all who do for your prayers and thoughts. This whole blog thing is really a whole 'nother experience than what I expected. Thanks for making it great commenters and friends! Hope it's interesting. Well, love to all and toodles! Got to take my big bro back to college bc we're having tons of car trouble, so I'll get home kinda late tonight, but I'll talk to y'all tomorrow!

Pictures!

Yay! I have pictures online! http://photobucket.com/albums/y59/pampam05/ http://photobucket.com/albums/y59/pampam05/ http://photobucket.com/albums/y59/pampam05/ I hope this link works... If not, go to photobucket.com, pampam05 account, should be public. There are pics of me and of the puppies. My mom is holding the babies in one of them. The white one is Chloe and the brown one is Cookie. They're choodles. Hehe. Chihuaua (Did I spell that right?) mixed with poodle. And then there's one of me and the biggest fish I've EVER caught. I was so proud! Well, just wanted to share that... I would say all comments welcome, but I don't know if I'm brave enough. Oh, ok, anything and everything you think, let me know. *Grimaces* Break it to me gently, ok? Well, toodles! Again.

FOOD! wOOt!

Key Lime Pie yogurt, crawfish, dill pickles (snappy), spaghetti, ice cream, Dr. Pepper... All awesome. And my menu today. Not all together, mind you, but all there. I really don't like parental time controls and boot-leg rules that change so much it makes my head spin. Go figure. Don't pack your stuff and leave Heath!!! Stay a while! That's that genuine Texas hospitality. Hehe. Thank y'all for your encouragement and steady additions to my little world. You have no idea how much I appreciate your feedback, comments, and just presence! Love to all! Toodles!

Car Ride

Mom made a comment in the car this afternoon that I should stop worrying about all of this and give it to God. She's right. Need prayers on that one. Love y'all!

More Thoughts

Was thinking today during Gov't about life again. I'm cyclical in my behavior patterns. At the beginning of the year I'm happy, energetic, interested in everything, and very talkative and extroverted. As the year goes on, I get busy, less extroverted, less talkative, and more stressed. This lasts until One Act is almost over then I begin the climb back to the top of my emotional mountain. This year has been the worst year so far. It inevitably happens, with each year a little different. This process didn't actually begin cycling through until seventh or eighth grade. I guess the whole process of school was still a novelty before that. Hopefully college will renew my vigor for school and passion for learning. I surely hope so. Toodles.

Another Big Question

The other day I asked myself a question. “Is my life perfect?” No. Of course not, but it’s pretty darn good. But what’s wrong with it? Let’s see, my parents argue about stupid stuff and are dumb about things even I know, my car doesn’t run, we don’t have enough $ stabilization to fix both my brother’s truck and my car in an expedient manner, and there are days when I just can’t get it all together; days when I want something. I know what it is that I want, but I don’t know how to get it. I want someone to wrap strong arms around me and tell me I’m wanted and beautiful and all his. I want to know that I’m valued. I want to be hugged by more than just my girl friends. Is that so wrong? Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful that I have what I have. I have wonderful parents who love and support me, as well as friend who do the same. I love my car, and I never want for anything I need. But I’m at a loss for what to do. Chad, I am only 17, but there are days when I feel so much older.

I feel like a little monkey playing the cymbal, tambourine, and drum all at once, dancing in circles for an invisible audience. What is the monkey? Is it stuff that I can’t seem to stop doing, like my responsibilities? Is it life’s endless cycle, in my case the mundane chaos of school? Is it sin that never seems to completely go away, not matter how hard I try to avoid it each day? Does anybody really know what the monkey is? And do you ever feel like you’re just dancing for the music of a mighty band that you can’t quite see? Without feeling the beat, so you’re always a little different than every other monkey in the world? Maybe I’m crazy. I think my personal assessment changes a little each day. I just want to sleep. Relax, go to Hawaii, or go skiing, just get away from it all. Who doesn’t, I know. But this is MY blog, isn’t it? Hehe. Today’s not all that bad, but I am tired. And I’ve got deadlines approaching, so I’ve got to stay on task and on top. Thanks for listening blogosphere. I feel better now. But I think I might have to get a tape recorder like Heath mentioned…

Maybe I'm weird...

Is it weird that I like to walk into a room with a swinging door and not actually touch the door? Hehe. Maybe I'm weird. Ok, so I'm definitely weird. But today is MUCH better than yesterday. After my frustrated blog I went to the band hall. You know, consoling people and/or listening to other people's problems really helps when you're feeling down. Carl had a difficult seventh period (don't ask, Lil Sis, confidential) and we started talking and I felt tons better! More later! Toodles.

State

Well, made it home fine; tired, but ready to go. Almost. It's the end of the school day and it's been rough. Have you ever had one of those days where you just want to sit down and cry for no apparent reason? It was one of those. But I held it together and I made it through and got all of my junk caught up on. Two lab reports due, as well as a missed calculus lesson, OAP drama (Lol. Ironic? I think so.), an English test that caught me unawares, and a quiz in foods just to name the highlights of my day. Austin wasn't worth this. Or maybe it was. I can't decide. We only won one of four rounds, but we had fun. Making it to State was the big achievement, so no hard feelings about not advancing past prelims. Shopping was pretty cool. I met this crazy lady in the dressing room at Dillard's who tried on dresses and had a series of mini fashion shows with me. Absolutely crazy, lemme tell ya. But she was funny, and I found this GORGEOUS dress! Blue, split outer skirt under a halter top piece, with a shawl. So pretty! Question, who is 6MIM? NO idea on that one. I have a feeling it has some connection with Porkchop, but I'm clue-less... Well, other than my stressful, almost catastrophic day, which, to be perfectly honest, don't happen often enough for me to know how to deal, nothin much is going on. My back hurts, but it's probably from riding backwards in the van for 6 hours yesterday. Well, glad to be home. Glad to be back online so I can talk to y'all! Love all of you! Toodles for now.

Poop

Painted my nails (French tips) and hung out with Brandy today. Supposed to get my car fixed. Yay! But the have to finish my bro's truck first. Ella Enchanted is coming on at 5:45, soI'll watch that. Haven't seenit yet. Have to go to state comp tomorrow. We leave at 11. Poop. I'm too tired to want to go, but I'm sure I'll enjoy myself once I get there. Scholarship junk has to be postmarked by Tuesday, so I'll have to scramble to get that done. Possibly on the trip up there in between reading my lit crit and english books and rewriting some poetry and sleeping. Chad, the host is up again and you should be able to post. Just in case you were wondering. Well, movie is coming on, so toodles. I'll probably post before I leave tomorrow. So, 'til then!

Bad News

I got an answer about SB. That's a negative, Ghost Rider. Sorry Porkchop. You know how bad I wanted to go. I cried when he told me. This sucks. But maybe I can have some "me" time.

THE question

Who am I? I am the president of the Spanish Honor Society, the Vice-Pres of Interact, a NHS member, a student council “volunteer,” the valedictorian of my graduating class, One-Act Play student director, a debater- state bound, by the way- and I’m always busy. But those are things I do. What is that? How do you answer that? I am the 17 year old daughter of (edited by author; hehe). I love to wash dishes. I love to cook. I love to mow grass because I like to see what I can accomplish (nothing on my own, of course, I know this). I love to paint. Not masterpieces, mind you, but just to cover walls and have lots of messy fun. I don’t like the way I look. I like people and talking. I love to shop and take baths and get massages and have my hair played with. I need to be needed, but there are some days when I don’t want to be needed at all. I get stressed when I’m rushed. I procrastinate. I’m college-bound and scared to death. I’ve never had a boyfriend and I don’t know who I love anymore. But my answer remains “wait.” I love the feel of the sun and a cool wind on a warm day. Green is my favorite color. I like to be held. I don’t like to be clung to. I love to surf the internet and read random blogs. I like to peer into people’s lives and make arbitrary comments. And some that are not so impulsive. I don’t like to do research papers and missing school makes my stomach churn. I’m scared that I’ll be left behind and not be able to catch back up. (Baseless fears, I realize, but existent nonetheless.) I hate lab write-ups and horrible lab partners. I want to get my hair cut. I want the Hobbit (my car) fixed. I miss my family- cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents- and I want a life but I don’t have time for a life! I want to meet people and make an impression, but there’s nobody in the world I care to make an impression on whom I either haven’t already or just don’t care about. The way I live, people get impressions of me from other people, so in a lot of cases I don’t actually make an impression, but rather verify or negate prior assumptions or notions about my personality and/or appearance. Who can really tell me who I am? I obviously can’t tell myself, so how can anybody tell? Who knows me better than me? I think I need a vacation from life. I need to take a soul-searching journey into the great known and come back with a new grasp on once-familiar (but now strangely alien) surroundings. Where am I? Who am I? Are you my mother? Lol. Random thought, sorry. But maybe I’m depressed or lonely or fried. SB is coming up soon. There’s still no answer from Dad. Sorry. I haven’t brought it up again. Maybe I can discover who I am after I find out who I see when I look in the mirror. I think I need some reference points. Any tips on soul-searching, relaxation, finding answers, or any random thoughts are welcome, despite what I told Chad about receiving comments from “observers.” I think now I might need one or two of those. Later all.

Ranting

Hey all. Only have a few minutes left before I have to go study for Physics, but I wanted to say thanks to Porkchop and Lil Sis for helping me out. (See previous post.) 120 students were missing during the peak hours between 12 and 3 today at our lovely high school. Between baseball, softball, track, tennis, FFA, and HOSA, we were practically alone in the hallways! It wasn't actually that bad, but it was nice not having the entire lunch room full. And the halls were semi-quiet, too. I've only finished 34 of the required 50 notecards for AP English, so got to get on the ball tomorrow if I want to save my skin. Stupid research papers... And there's a lab due tomorrow, Tuesday, and Wednesday, plus scholarship stuff that I need to fill out but can't without our counselor who has been suspiciously missing all week, and then there's state debate comp next Monday and Tuesday and I'm not even half-way prepared... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! (Did I spell that right?) I need a haircut and a good, old-fashioned shopping trip. Or maybe just a bubble bath, which I can't have because our tub is messed up. And a massage, and a boyfriend, and a nap, and dinner... And I thought I was low-maintenance. Guess not. Love y'all. Done ranting for now. Toodles!

The Woman in the Mirror

Hey all. Was thinking yesterday and I got worried all of the sudden when I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize the person I saw there. I don't know who I am anymore. It's not that I don't like me or anything, but that I'm just too busy being busy to just be. Does that make sense? Dad assures me that I'm "a beautiful young woman," but I just can't see it. So, to bite off of Porkchop's blog, can y'all supply any memories, thoughts, comments, or encouragement? I know this is so much worse than fishing for compliments, but I think it might help. I was praying about it last night and I knew that I could ask the nothingness of Blogville and maybe find myself again. Thanks for your help. Toodles.

Just another Manic Monday

Hey all. Weekend's over. Sorry I didn't post, but I slept REALLY late Saturday and then we had company, then OAP practice. Sunday, church then SAT studying with Brandy then homework then church then sleep. Quesadillas give you bad dreams, btw. Even if they are just cheese. Not really bad, but a little strange. I dreamed about band and random people that I can't specifically remember. Tonight I have OAP, tutorials, and an Interact meeting. And Big Bro has the truck so Mom and I are stuck with the car, which has malfunctioning brakes. Poop. Well, hope y'all are having good days! Love every one of you! Read PFC Snuffy's blog! He's hilarious! PassTheBrass.com. His brother, Chad, created the site for him. His bro also has several other sites open and running including one he posts on about being engaged and buying a house and stuff. Follow the links on Pass The Brass. Toodles for now.

The Perks of Graduation

No college English today, so it's tutorials and I'm in the library. Got a pretty mundane and slightly irritating day ahead of me. Got off on a bit of a bad start because Mom was on my case about my driving. Whatever. I miss my friend! I still haven't heard from him. Porkchop, I saw where you called the other day, sorry I didn't call back. Gimme a ring if you want. I'll be home tonight and all morning at least on Saturday. Got OAP practice from 5 to 8 Saturday night, which is awesome because we've got a lot of work to do before contest in three weeks. Debate State Comp is coming up. Things are piling up higher and higher and it's beginning to bog me down. I can't wait until I graduate because I won't have all of this crap to deal with. I'll be able to relax at least for a little while and unwind as I get ready for college and "adult" life. But it's scary. I don't exactly want to leave this comfort zone I've established at school. But I'm not as scared as I was a few months ago. Maybe I've grown up. I have a feeling my Air Force "buddy" had a lot to do with it. I'm over him, btw, Porkchop. And yes, YOU can tell people what I'm talking about because I don't want to dwell on that subject any more. Though it was nice... Toodles.

$$$

Yesterday ended a bit crappily, but it was okay after I read my Bible and prayed. Today is good so far because I dropped Mom off at work and then went on to school. And I parked straight the first try! I haven't done that since the first day I drove by myself, so I'm excited. We made fruit salad in foods and got a new march to play in band. We're doing research papers in English and I have three more citations to do. After school I'm going to the State Farm Insurance office to give our "contact" a check for our Relay for Life team in hopes of getting a bracelet. Yay! Or possibly two... Kim is contributing to my blog as I write today, so any random comments are hers. She still wants to know how to dorve. Since apparently that's something I can do. Unfortunately, something I cannot do is type proficiently. Bummer. I have a tutorial after school with a fellow student then OAP practice. Money money money mo-ney. MO-ney! Hehe. $$$ I get paid for the tutorial and then again tomorrow for allowance. Cool beans. $ But I hope ya'll are all having good days. Pookie, is it any better? Porkchop, don't forget to give Lil Sis an answer. And Lil Sis, have a wonderful day! Love ya'll! Toodles!

Wed-nes-day

I get to drive the truck again today! Mom's on a holiday and I have percussion sectionals after school. Dee dee is looking at me weird... should I be scared? Tomorrow is OAP and tutorials with a classmate. Today is another good day so far, but not quite as good as yesterday because I didn't have the same great start, but that's ok. Yay for being alive!!! Hope ya'll are having good days and behaving! Lots of love and toodles for now!

Hmmm

Well, not much going on today except awesomeness! I'm having a really great day! I hope all of you are too! Love ya'll and talk to you later! Toodles!