Thursday, August 07, 2008

A Wonderful Thought

I found the following via the stumble button, and I thought it was wonderful.

Wannabe Hippie

A woman who feels desired is many things:
She is less likely to reach frustration with
you
or the children
or the cat
or the dog.
She is more likely to feel like an important part of
your life
and the home you share
and the children you created together.
She is more likely to look at her own body
and instead of feeling disgust at the way it has changed
since bringing your children into the world,
she is more likely to remember the feel of
your hands on her hips
or trailing down her spine
or the way that you pull her in
and fit her perfectly into the spaces of your own form.
A woman who feels desired
is so much easier to sit across the table from
as she is less likely to be judging
her own skin
her own curves
her own worth
her place in the bed that you share.
She is more likely to care for the body she has been given,
feed it good, whole foods
put it to frequent use in the garden
enjoy the pull of muscle
and increasing strength
as she carries ever-growing children
and becomes more confident with household repairs.
A woman who feels desired will rear children
who see their bodies as perfect works of art
that should be celebrated
respected
and capable of love.

It takes very little to make a woman feel desired.
It does not require
expensive jewelery
exotic flowers
pages of poems
romantic dates
or even dramatic words.
You can tell a woman you desire her
with nothing more than a look
a simple touch
a well placed word
and by listening to what she's saying
and then responding appropriately.

Without those simple things
even a strong woman may start to feel
less.
And less leads to
depression
self loathing
anger
frustration
bad parenting
and a marriage
that may not last the next five years.

So when your wife asks you,
"Do you find me sexy?"
the answer should never be
a long pause
followed by a apologetic
"I just love you."

Lie to me
if you have to,
but tell me "yes"
and then watch
as my confidence continues
to bloom
and my heart stays open
even when the world
is throwing us curve balls.
Because sometimes,
a woman needs to know she is desired
or she'll start to believe
it is no longer true.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

What Next?

I've been thinking lately that I have no idea what comes next for me. I don't have a boyfriend for the first time in over a year and a half, and I miss that relationship for the sake of the relationship, but I know I did the right thing breaking up with him. I'm pretty sure he would be willing to take me back if I ever changed my mind, but I don't want him to be willing. I want him to move on. Somehow, though, I'm afraid that won't happen unless I'm completely out of the picture. I want him to be happy, and I don't want him to depend on me. I want to be free to do whatever I want, whenever I want, without having to answer to those unending questions. Maybe I'm to independent for my own good. I find myself wondering if I'll ever find a guy that makes me happy on every level. I want to be intellectually stimulated, I want to have interesting conversations and debates about things and not have to worry about people getting in a tizzy over my opinions. I want to be able to read a book and discuss it without having it assigned for a class. I want someone who will laugh when I'm completely goofy, let me be serious when I need to be, and understands that my moods vary in the extreme. I want to be able to talk for hours just to ramble through my thoughts and get them off my chest, and I want to be able to sit and not say a thing and feel absolutely comfortable. I want to be able to stay caught up on current events and cement in my mind the reasons I feel the way I feel about various political and economical issues. I want to be creative and make things up that will never happen but are fun to dream about. I want to have fun doing nothing, and have fun doing something with the same person. I want to find the one person I can talk to every day and not get tired of. I want to find a love that surpasses petty annoyances and bad habits and means enough to last a lifetime. I want someone who will lay down with me on a rainy day and just sleep, or hold me and talk. I want to be able to not live from one paycheck to the next, but have the freedom to be happy and not worry about every penny I spend. I want someone who can build amazing things with his hands and create both art and function in a project. I want a man who can change my oil, fix my engine, and then teach me how to do it myself. I want a man who respects my independence, but understands that I'm a fragile person who needs protection and love. I want to be cherished. I want to be THE Princess. I want to be happy in love. I want to plan a wedding. I want to have a family. I want to travel the world before I settle down. I want to live on the beach and breathe the salty air. I want to see the sunset from my private beach. I want to own an island where I can harvest my own coconuts. I want to not put on shoes for an entire week. I want to fall asleep to the sound of the ocean. I want to watch my children play in the sand with a big golden dog. I want to curl up in a hammock on a lazy summer afternoon and read away the light. I want to drive for days and see where I end up. I want to stay up all night eating pizza and watching movies without having to worry about what I have to do the next day. I want to not have homework. I want to direct a show. I want to cast a show for a high school theater where I will work and have fun and be happy and successful. I DON'T want to marry a teacher. I've never really met a male teacher that wasn't egotistical and selfish (usually coaches) or waaaay too feminine to handle me. I want someone. Someone who may or may not exist. I wonder if I've already met him and it just didn't cross my mind that we'd make a good couple. Or it crossed my mind but not his. Or it crossed both our minds, but everyone else shot us down before we could discover our happiness. I want to be free to love without worrying about everyone else's standards. I want to... I want to be free of the wants and have my dreams come true. I want to go back to bed. I have no idea where to go from here.