What Next?

I've been thinking lately that I have no idea what comes next for me. I don't have a boyfriend for the first time in over a year and a half, and I miss that relationship for the sake of the relationship, but I know I did the right thing breaking up with him. I'm pretty sure he would be willing to take me back if I ever changed my mind, but I don't want him to be willing. I want him to move on. Somehow, though, I'm afraid that won't happen unless I'm completely out of the picture. I want him to be happy, and I don't want him to depend on me. I want to be free to do whatever I want, whenever I want, without having to answer to those unending questions. Maybe I'm to independent for my own good. I find myself wondering if I'll ever find a guy that makes me happy on every level. I want to be intellectually stimulated, I want to have interesting conversations and debates about things and not have to worry about people getting in a tizzy over my opinions. I want to be able to read a book and discuss it without having it assigned for a class. I want someone who will laugh when I'm completely goofy, let me be serious when I need to be, and understands that my moods vary in the extreme. I want to be able to talk for hours just to ramble through my thoughts and get them off my chest, and I want to be able to sit and not say a thing and feel absolutely comfortable. I want to be able to stay caught up on current events and cement in my mind the reasons I feel the way I feel about various political and economical issues. I want to be creative and make things up that will never happen but are fun to dream about. I want to have fun doing nothing, and have fun doing something with the same person. I want to find the one person I can talk to every day and not get tired of. I want to find a love that surpasses petty annoyances and bad habits and means enough to last a lifetime. I want someone who will lay down with me on a rainy day and just sleep, or hold me and talk. I want to be able to not live from one paycheck to the next, but have the freedom to be happy and not worry about every penny I spend. I want someone who can build amazing things with his hands and create both art and function in a project. I want a man who can change my oil, fix my engine, and then teach me how to do it myself. I want a man who respects my independence, but understands that I'm a fragile person who needs protection and love. I want to be cherished. I want to be THE Princess. I want to be happy in love. I want to plan a wedding. I want to have a family. I want to travel the world before I settle down. I want to live on the beach and breathe the salty air. I want to see the sunset from my private beach. I want to own an island where I can harvest my own coconuts. I want to not put on shoes for an entire week. I want to fall asleep to the sound of the ocean. I want to watch my children play in the sand with a big golden dog. I want to curl up in a hammock on a lazy summer afternoon and read away the light. I want to drive for days and see where I end up. I want to stay up all night eating pizza and watching movies without having to worry about what I have to do the next day. I want to not have homework. I want to direct a show. I want to cast a show for a high school theater where I will work and have fun and be happy and successful. I DON'T want to marry a teacher. I've never really met a male teacher that wasn't egotistical and selfish (usually coaches) or waaaay too feminine to handle me. I want someone. Someone who may or may not exist. I wonder if I've already met him and it just didn't cross my mind that we'd make a good couple. Or it crossed my mind but not his. Or it crossed both our minds, but everyone else shot us down before we could discover our happiness. I want to be free to love without worrying about everyone else's standards. I want to... I want to be free of the wants and have my dreams come true. I want to go back to bed. I have no idea where to go from here.