Aaaaaah. My first day back. Spring Break was...less than satisfying. I can't put my finger on exactly why, except that I never really had nothing to do on any given day. I guess I missed that laziness.
I amaze myself sometimes. My procrastination, my performance in a pinch, my care-free attitude toward life, the way people open up to me. Things I've noticed today.
The white azaleas are gorgeous, though the day isn't. Dreary this morning, muggy this afternoon. There are certain comforts about being here I hate to give up, even if it is to go home. The feeling of absolute freedom. I'm accountable for and to only myself. Well, that's not entirely true, but I have no serious and binding obligations that weigh me down and suffocate me here. It's not really that things at home are so bad, but rather that I get tired of the same three-ring circus every time I'm there. It's as if I can't truly be the person I'm becoming. And it's very hard to squeeze back into that oppressive shell every time I make that hour and a half drive back to Mother's house. The pain brings tears to my eyes.
But there are other things here that I love. The people. The variety. The routine and spontaneity all wrapped up together. The endless supply of hot water. The absence of pressure to get out of the bathroom because there are a billion others waiting to take a shower. Time by myself. And yes, even those annoyances are strangely welcome. My roommate's eating habits. Her strange noises. The cold floors and my annoying alarm clock. All of it marks where I am in my life right now. And it's truly where I want to be. I'm growing up and I'm afraid everyone is waiting to pounce on me to hold me back, make me stay where I was and stop this transformation that college holds. Who will win?
Monday, March 20, 2006
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
A Day for Boyfriends
There is a single cluster of mistletoe in a tree on campus. It hangs over the sidewalk all year round, an enchanting parasite. Does this make that particular spot more romantic? Or magical? I don't know. But it could. It's possible.
The turmoil is resolved. The battle has been fought and the dawn has defeated the day. Thank you, dear warriors. Meet with me on the morrow where the breeze softly whistles through the dew-damp ferns for a celebration of sorts. If you so choose...or so dare.
Yes, my own creation. In the wee hours. Meaning? I'm no longer homeless for Friday night. And I have multiple job opportunities.
Patty, the costume shop head, has asked me to apply for a position on payroll for next year! And I got an interview for the RA position for next year, too! And yes, I can do both. My roommate also got a music splicing program, so I can format some songs for my piece going up Friday.
The homeless thing... Well, I was going to stay with my cousin Friday night and go to the wedding on Saturday, which would've been fine, but she's not going to be home and can't leave the keys because she has to have them on Monday. And you can't lock the doors without the keys. So I talked to the bride, and she said I was more than welcome to go up to College Station on Friday night and stay with them, so that's what I'm going to do! They have extra room, and they all know me and don't mind, and Sarah really wants me to come, so yay!
I'll still be able to be home by Saturday night, so it's all good!
The title... I made a really random comment in costume shop about today being a good day to have a boyfriend because I really just needed a big hug and some movie time. I'm fine, and I'm not sad or anything, but sometimes... Especially now that I have an idea of what I'm missing. Oh well. My time will come. Aight, I'm out! Love and hugs!
The turmoil is resolved. The battle has been fought and the dawn has defeated the day. Thank you, dear warriors. Meet with me on the morrow where the breeze softly whistles through the dew-damp ferns for a celebration of sorts. If you so choose...or so dare.
Yes, my own creation. In the wee hours. Meaning? I'm no longer homeless for Friday night. And I have multiple job opportunities.
Patty, the costume shop head, has asked me to apply for a position on payroll for next year! And I got an interview for the RA position for next year, too! And yes, I can do both. My roommate also got a music splicing program, so I can format some songs for my piece going up Friday.
The homeless thing... Well, I was going to stay with my cousin Friday night and go to the wedding on Saturday, which would've been fine, but she's not going to be home and can't leave the keys because she has to have them on Monday. And you can't lock the doors without the keys. So I talked to the bride, and she said I was more than welcome to go up to College Station on Friday night and stay with them, so that's what I'm going to do! They have extra room, and they all know me and don't mind, and Sarah really wants me to come, so yay!
I'll still be able to be home by Saturday night, so it's all good!
The title... I made a really random comment in costume shop about today being a good day to have a boyfriend because I really just needed a big hug and some movie time. I'm fine, and I'm not sad or anything, but sometimes... Especially now that I have an idea of what I'm missing. Oh well. My time will come. Aight, I'm out! Love and hugs!
Friday, March 03, 2006
Bubba and Blues
A journey must begin with a single step.
Duh. This from the fortune-cookie fairies. Gosh.
But that means I ate Chinese food tonight! Yay! Good stuff. I'm still dealing with these random impulses to sleep... Hehe.
I'm going home tomorrow morning. And I'm giving Josh a ride back to school on Sunday. He's a friend from high school. Lord, help me, please. He's a bit of a trial for me sometimes, even though he's a sweet enough guy. He was my homecoming escort last year.
Spring break is coming up! Yesssss! I have a billion things planned, including a visit to the high school to see everybody, a day or two spent with Mema, a trip to Houston with Mom and possibly some other ladies from the church, a day of reorganizing the church library, and hopefully some time just hanging out with my brother. I miss him a lot. I miss him as much as I do Mom and Dad, if not a little bit more, because he hasn't really been just my brother in a long while. I haven't spent any time with him lately. And I miss that. I love my brother very much. Mom and Dad are, of course, my parents, and I love them, too, but Derek is number one on my list when I think of people I love. Parents are different. They are their own little category, I think.
Heather, my suitemate and I have been talking a lot lately. This whole semester, actually. And I love it! She's awesome! Even my roommate and I are getting along. But Heather and I have a ton in common. Last night we were talking about our brothers. She has a younger brother and is really close to him. I wish I was closer to Derek, but I know he'll be there when I need him and I consider him one of my dearest friends. So, in a way, I'm closer to Derek than Heather is to her brother. Derek is one of the funniest people I know. And he's sweet and a gentleman and a wonderful big brother. Also the reason I didn't have a boyfriend in high school, but, in retrospect, I'm very glad he was there to protect me.
I don't know where this sudden expression of my appreciation of that bond came from, but I guess I miss him more than usual lately. I have a feeling I'd be a very different person if my brother wouldn't have been there.
Anyway, things are awesome! I'm actually making stuff in costume crew, which is awesome because they trust me to do important things, and all of my classes are going fairly well. I have one midterm next week, and that's all. So that's really cool. I also have a mask project due. I'll try to get pictures and post them and explain my choices and my performance. But that will have to wait. I don't know for sure what I'm going to do.
Yes, the title is almost random. I did talk about my brother, but I am by no means blue. It's a very pretty color, though.
Well, it's Dancing at Lughnasa tonight, and then Heather and I are coloring the bathroom mirror. Did y'all know that mirrors are dry-erasable?!?!?! We were SOOOO excited! We now write notes to each other, draw things, and have the MOST fun! Hehe. Yeah, we got a little carried away, but it's a blast. Life's too short to not be crazy every now and again. Though I wonder if it's more of a constant state of things rather than the exception... Mwah!
Duh. This from the fortune-cookie fairies. Gosh.
But that means I ate Chinese food tonight! Yay! Good stuff. I'm still dealing with these random impulses to sleep... Hehe.
I'm going home tomorrow morning. And I'm giving Josh a ride back to school on Sunday. He's a friend from high school. Lord, help me, please. He's a bit of a trial for me sometimes, even though he's a sweet enough guy. He was my homecoming escort last year.
Spring break is coming up! Yesssss! I have a billion things planned, including a visit to the high school to see everybody, a day or two spent with Mema, a trip to Houston with Mom and possibly some other ladies from the church, a day of reorganizing the church library, and hopefully some time just hanging out with my brother. I miss him a lot. I miss him as much as I do Mom and Dad, if not a little bit more, because he hasn't really been just my brother in a long while. I haven't spent any time with him lately. And I miss that. I love my brother very much. Mom and Dad are, of course, my parents, and I love them, too, but Derek is number one on my list when I think of people I love. Parents are different. They are their own little category, I think.
Heather, my suitemate and I have been talking a lot lately. This whole semester, actually. And I love it! She's awesome! Even my roommate and I are getting along. But Heather and I have a ton in common. Last night we were talking about our brothers. She has a younger brother and is really close to him. I wish I was closer to Derek, but I know he'll be there when I need him and I consider him one of my dearest friends. So, in a way, I'm closer to Derek than Heather is to her brother. Derek is one of the funniest people I know. And he's sweet and a gentleman and a wonderful big brother. Also the reason I didn't have a boyfriend in high school, but, in retrospect, I'm very glad he was there to protect me.
I don't know where this sudden expression of my appreciation of that bond came from, but I guess I miss him more than usual lately. I have a feeling I'd be a very different person if my brother wouldn't have been there.
Anyway, things are awesome! I'm actually making stuff in costume crew, which is awesome because they trust me to do important things, and all of my classes are going fairly well. I have one midterm next week, and that's all. So that's really cool. I also have a mask project due. I'll try to get pictures and post them and explain my choices and my performance. But that will have to wait. I don't know for sure what I'm going to do.
Yes, the title is almost random. I did talk about my brother, but I am by no means blue. It's a very pretty color, though.
Well, it's Dancing at Lughnasa tonight, and then Heather and I are coloring the bathroom mirror. Did y'all know that mirrors are dry-erasable?!?!?! We were SOOOO excited! We now write notes to each other, draw things, and have the MOST fun! Hehe. Yeah, we got a little carried away, but it's a blast. Life's too short to not be crazy every now and again. Though I wonder if it's more of a constant state of things rather than the exception... Mwah!
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