Channel 13

Hello all! As per my father's request, I am posting! Woo!

Here's the latest from PAM Channel 13 College News. I've officially started class, and I'm going to really love all of them. My math class is going to be incredibly slow, but fun anyway, my astronomy class is interesting if for no other reason than the planets are being reclassified, my acting class promises to be rather challenging, production will be entertaining, and computer science will be a breeze. I start labs on Monday. That'll be cool because the TA is a guy who lives in the dorm. Work is pretty fun, and it's going to be very busy. We have quite a few shows going up this semester. I might post a schedule at a later date.

The weekend is finally here! This first week was exhausting. But I'm having a blast. I'm not worried about being an RA so much anymore because Spivey promises to be very fun. "My guys" keep me entertained, safe, happy, and comfortable. The group is an amoeba, and I'm not the only girl most of the time. It's never really a constant, either. It's a lot of fun.

I have an especially close friend named Devin who lives down the hall. He has a girlfriend, so it's nothing like that, but we talk about EVERYTHING. He's a great friend, and we have about a zillion things to keep us conversationally occupied. He also likes to pick me up and carry me. He's even sweet enough to let me steal his super-comfy slippers when my feet are cold! Hehe. He's quickly becoming close. He's supportive and thinks my odd quirks are funny, so we keep each other entertained. Hayleigh, his girlfriend, knows about me, though I don't know how much he actually says about me. She's very cute and, as far as I can tell, a wonderfully sweet person. He's happy with her, and thinks he'll marry her. Too bad there aren't two Devins in my world.

Other than that, Ryan's been terribly busy, so I haven't been hearing from him as much. He's supposed to get a few days off soon, so he'll be able to write and talk to me and stuff. Can't wait! I miss our conversations.

I saw "Grand Canyon" tonight at the theatre. It was written by one of our students here, and it's actually really good. I was impressed.

Today was a bad day. I didn't get much sleep last night for various reasons, one of which being I had unfinished homework, I had to work up at 7 to get ready to get boxes from Wal-Mart for the costume shop to finish packing up things, I had class from 9-12, then took a very short nap, had some lunch, and went to work, went to a meeting at 5:15 (right after work), went to take care of some things with Luker, then went to the play. I got home and saw that my blog window was still open and decided to finish this post...which I've been working on for about 2 days now.

Things are better, though. I'm hanging out with DJ tomorrow, and then there's an honors party Sunday night, so that should be fun. I'm seriously looking forward to a good night's sleep. I haven't had one of those in a very loooong time...

G'night.

Oh, yeah, there was a really cute guy sitting on a bench on campus today in a cowboy hat... Pretty blue eyes, tall, slim, adorable. I am such a lost cause.

Choice

Images behind my eyes
Scenes I can't erase
Life past and present
Hope for the future
Chaos or bliss
The choice is mine
No turning back
I can't forget the sight
That burning memory

Peace meets war
On a field too large
The battle begins
There is no way out
We must choose
What all have faced
Loyalty or love
Both is not an option
Or is it?

I would never take him
He is yours first
A brother, but more
I fall forever
You only adjust
I know I can never
Choose

Jealousy
Jealously
We pull
We fight
Battle with those
Dark caves of
Forbidden dreams
Lost in the night

Up

Well, I was right! Today is indeed better! I got an email this morning from my "missing" buddy. As it turns out, we were suffering some technical difficulties. Hopefully they're all resolved now. Woohoo! In other news, I have a splinter. And some chores left to do. Including cleaning my room... Never good. If I'm not back soon, somebody come dig me out.

One of those days

Do you know what’s aggravating? My parents. I have to be so careful not to argue with Dad because Mom freaks out, and I have to be careful not to argue with Mom because it makes Dad irritable. It’s so frustrating! I can’t express any opinion, even a valid one, in a discussion, because they don’t see me as a competent adult. To them, I’m a child. Irresponsible, naïve, ignorant, and incapable of logical thought. They have no idea what goes on in my head. Mom thinks she knows everything I’m thinking because apparently my face always tells her I hate her or some similar hogwash, and Dad doesn’t know how to compromise or have a discussion if I’m against his opinion. He turns it into this sit-there-and-yell-at-Pam crap that I get so tired of. And yes, I know they read this. And I’ll probably get in trouble, but this has been building up for a while, and I’m sure it will blow over. Everything else does. I only have 15 days left here. I’m 19 years old. They could let me grow up some. That’s why I’ll be so glad to go back to school. I’ll be away from their oppressive stunting. Don’t get me wrong, they’re wonderful parents and did a fantastic job raising us, but they can’t let go. Grandpa and I had that discussion the other day. He says they don’t know how yet. He had to learn as a parent and finds it’s much easier as a grandparent. He’s great at listening and being supportive, and, though he’s not Mema, he’s wonderful.

I miss her. So much. I need her to talk to, to tell me everything will work out and it’s ok to cry. To help me grow up and help my parents let me grow up. I’m finally crying for her. Oh, how I miss her. Who do I turn to now? Someone who won’t judge, who loves me unconditionally, with a woman’s point of view and that wisdom that comes with experience. Someone to just talk to. Where can somebody find a friend like that?

Ryan’s kind of like that—an older, wiser friend who listens and talks, but Ryan hasn’t written in about a week. I have no idea why. He writes to his sister, and he may just be demonstrating to her that she is more important to him than I am, which is fine, especially since I’ve been worried about her being jealous or not being able to accept our friendship. I just miss our conversations. I miss him. I can’t talk to him about some things, obviously, but I’ve found a kindred spirit in him. Someone I don’t have to teach and lead and be an example for. I don’t think I have very many friends like that. Not that I’m so close to, anyway.

The good news for the day is that I fit in my “skinny” jeans.

Today is one of those days. Nothing is quite as sunny as you woke up hoping it would be. Maybe tomorrow will be better. It can only go up from here.