One of those days

Do you know what’s aggravating? My parents. I have to be so careful not to argue with Dad because Mom freaks out, and I have to be careful not to argue with Mom because it makes Dad irritable. It’s so frustrating! I can’t express any opinion, even a valid one, in a discussion, because they don’t see me as a competent adult. To them, I’m a child. Irresponsible, naïve, ignorant, and incapable of logical thought. They have no idea what goes on in my head. Mom thinks she knows everything I’m thinking because apparently my face always tells her I hate her or some similar hogwash, and Dad doesn’t know how to compromise or have a discussion if I’m against his opinion. He turns it into this sit-there-and-yell-at-Pam crap that I get so tired of. And yes, I know they read this. And I’ll probably get in trouble, but this has been building up for a while, and I’m sure it will blow over. Everything else does. I only have 15 days left here. I’m 19 years old. They could let me grow up some. That’s why I’ll be so glad to go back to school. I’ll be away from their oppressive stunting. Don’t get me wrong, they’re wonderful parents and did a fantastic job raising us, but they can’t let go. Grandpa and I had that discussion the other day. He says they don’t know how yet. He had to learn as a parent and finds it’s much easier as a grandparent. He’s great at listening and being supportive, and, though he’s not Mema, he’s wonderful.

I miss her. So much. I need her to talk to, to tell me everything will work out and it’s ok to cry. To help me grow up and help my parents let me grow up. I’m finally crying for her. Oh, how I miss her. Who do I turn to now? Someone who won’t judge, who loves me unconditionally, with a woman’s point of view and that wisdom that comes with experience. Someone to just talk to. Where can somebody find a friend like that?

Ryan’s kind of like that—an older, wiser friend who listens and talks, but Ryan hasn’t written in about a week. I have no idea why. He writes to his sister, and he may just be demonstrating to her that she is more important to him than I am, which is fine, especially since I’ve been worried about her being jealous or not being able to accept our friendship. I just miss our conversations. I miss him. I can’t talk to him about some things, obviously, but I’ve found a kindred spirit in him. Someone I don’t have to teach and lead and be an example for. I don’t think I have very many friends like that. Not that I’m so close to, anyway.

The good news for the day is that I fit in my “skinny” jeans.

Today is one of those days. Nothing is quite as sunny as you woke up hoping it would be. Maybe tomorrow will be better. It can only go up from here.