I've had a very... interesting Spring Break. I've spent the week with my cousin in North Houston. I had originally planned on spending the week with my aunt and uncle a little farther north, but my cousin's oldest son is home from Japan. He's a Marine. His younger brother is a senior in high school. They're both really great kids, and I have enjoyed spending time with them and their many friends in the "frat house" that has been her home. There are always people around, always a party going on, and so many guys it's ridiculous. They're all babies, and one of them is the oldest boy's best friend, also a Marine home from Japan. Needless to say, I've been the babysitter/house mother at party central. I've spent several nights staying up with the guys just to make sure they're alright, that they get to bed safely, and that the house doesn't get torn up. This even included a trip to Denny's at 4 AM one morning. It's been a fun week, and they're all amazed that I can still have a good time even though I'm a middle school teacher. The Marine who is a friend of my cousin just left. He has to leave for Chicago in the morning for a funeral, so he went to his dad's house for the night. He moved in with my cousin a few months before he graduated high school, which was two years ago, so he's part of the family, but this week was the first time I'd met him. I've grown very attached to the whole crew, and I'm going to miss them all when I go back home tomorrow. I've had an awesome Spring Break, though. I never went through the party phase in school, so this has been a glimpse of what I missed in college. I'm glad I missed this when I was their age, but it's been a lot of fun this week.
I haven't seen or really spoken to Cory at all this week, which has been incredibly frustrating. He's convinced I'm so patient and that I'm difficult to anger, which is true for the most part. We had a discussion two weeks ago about my need for communication in this relationship, and now he's slacking. I don't know what's going on--if he's just busy or otherwise engaged or lost his phone, but either way I'm not impressed. I'm going to send him an email tonight and call him tomorrow, I think. Or vice versa. I don't suppose it really matters. All I know is that I'm pissed off and am tempted to either force his hand so he has to see me by either showing up at his door or calling an ultimatum, or just end it. If only he would talk to me this whole thing would be so much easier. Why does this crap happen to me? Maybe Mother's right and I only fall for the emotionally unavailable guys. Maybe I'm just overreacting. My thing is, I deserve better, right? I deserve to be a priority in somebody's life, right? Don't I????
Friday, March 19, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
From the Desk of...
Here we are again! Yours truly, updating with the latest in my crazy world. First of all, I have a new boyfriend, whom I'll discuss in a minute. Second of all, I have a job, which I will probably discuss often. Lastly, I'm tired, which I may touch on at several points.
My job is Junior High English Teacher. Don't ask what grades. I told you. Junior High. That's correct, three grades. Sixth, seventh, and eighth. I have a total of 90 students across three grades, and all but four or five middle school students in the school. My neighbor seems nice enough, though a little aloof still. My across-the-hall neighbor is awesome, and I love her. My around the corner coworkers are friendly, but not overly so. It's a very small school, and the people are nice, but it's painfully slow. The environment is challenging, but not in a good way. I feel like I'm lost in the middle of nowhere. I'll be moving back to high speed internet and 24-hour restaurants before too long, I think. I don't really mind living at home with Mom and Dad most days. Today was a bit rough, because they both took it upon themselves to tell me that I need to take better care of myself, forgetting that I'm a grown woman and perfectly capable of taking care of myself without their assistance. It's a bit frustrating at times, but I'm dealing. It's taken me a long time and a huge loss of pride to admit when I'm not alright and ask for help. Thankfully, it's something the new bf pointed out and I'm working on. I have a lot of small issues with the school and the atmosphere, but I'm giving it a chance and sticking it out until something better comes along. Mom says she can tell I'm not happy with where I am, and she's right, but I'm here for now and I just have to make it work. Unfortunately, she often only hears my vent and doesn't see the positive, happy, friendly exterior I maintain for most of my life.
There are good things about working here, and there are some really fantastic moments in the classroom. One of which involved sixth graders... One student, upon hearing the assignment of four handwritten pages concerning their research topic, loudly proclaimed, "I can't!" One of his classmates replied, "can't never could," followed quickly by a third student's quip, "until try came along!" I laughed and just knew it was a quotable quote. Some of these children are charming and funny and quite intelligent. Hopefully I'll be able to post a lot of great stories in the future.
The new bf is wonderful. Mother made the comment that she doesn't know why he's my "boyfriend" since we've only been on one date, but we've invested so much in each other emotionally that it only makes sense to have the title. It's a little difficult to fall for someone when you're just talking. That's such an odd term, by the way. His name is Cory. He's incredibly intelligent, funny, witty, sarcastic, cute, friendly, compelling, ambitious, sweet, sensitive in a very non-gay way, a great dresser, goofy, quirky, eclectic, loves history, and says he's on his way to loving me... That's the scary part, I think. I know me breaking up with Steve didn't really make the news. We've been done since the beginning of December, and I think it's for the best. He's finally realized he can do school on his own, make his own decisions, and have a good life with friends. He's not quite happy, but he's getting there, and we're still friends. I didn't realize it until recently, but I'm still getting over him. I thought a clean break was possible, but three years is a long time. Cory has helped tremendously. He's a teacher, and I met him while I was student teaching. He is a friend of my mentor teacher from my first placement, and we were kind of thrown together from the beginning. It didn't take a serious or romantic turn until I moved back home to Mom and Dad's. We emailed, then moved to texting, and now we're at nightly phone calls. He makes me smile, and he cares about my day, can deal with my moods, and can even counter my crankiness, which is pretty impressive. He makes me happy. Rhina, a friend of mine from my Cracker Barrel days who I still visit as often as possible even made a comment about me being happier now than she's ever seen me. It's an inner peace, really. I'm comfortable in my options. I'm not pressured, and I feel that I can grow and heal with Cory and truly find my place in life. He's not perfect, no, but he's close. He has a five-year-old son who has not met me. That's an event I'm looking forward to immensely. I also want to meet his family. It seems like most of this will have to wait until I get back over that direction on a more permanent basis. I don't get to see him often because of the physical distance. It's difficult, but we're working on it. I've been working on my faith and personal walk with God, and I know he's a strong Christian, so I'm looking forward to growing with him on a spiritual level. I asked what he needs me to pray for specifically for him, and he responded today that he needs "resolve, clarity, direction, and skill in prioritizing and scheduling." I can only assume he means that I'm a priority with this comment, since it's directed at the major issues we've been having. It's such a wonderful relief to be able to actually talk about any issues we have openly and candidly without being yelled at or unreasonably ignored. Resolving things is easy with a mature, level-headed man with excellent reasoning skills and sound logic. He knows it hurts my feelings when he forgets to call, or our schedules get complicated and I don't hear from him for a long while. The only time I've ever been "angry" so to speak was when he neglected to even text over the course of the day. It takes two seconds. Pick up the phone. He knows this, though, and he's working on it. He says I have the patience of Job and he appreciates that I am willing to wait for him. I'd be stupid not to. He's still tearing down and rebuilding from his ex-wife and the trouble and drama and lack of trust in that relationship, so it will be a momentous occasion when he trusts me with his whole self. I'll be sure to let you know if it ever happens.
I'm sitting in my classroom right now, at 830 at night, for One-Act Play. We were supposed to rehearse tonight, but everyone on the cast and crew is involved with either basketball, cheer-leading, or student council, so they have to be at the game for various reasons. It's a bust, essentially. I'm tired, but caught a cat nap on the couch in my classroom a little while ago. I'll make it, but I look forward to Saturdays when I can sleep late and speak to people over the age of 14 for extended periods of time.
Thank you all for reading my ramblings. I hope my update has been interesting and enlightening, and that everyone knows I love them and send them hugs and prayers. Goodnight!
My job is Junior High English Teacher. Don't ask what grades. I told you. Junior High. That's correct, three grades. Sixth, seventh, and eighth. I have a total of 90 students across three grades, and all but four or five middle school students in the school. My neighbor seems nice enough, though a little aloof still. My across-the-hall neighbor is awesome, and I love her. My around the corner coworkers are friendly, but not overly so. It's a very small school, and the people are nice, but it's painfully slow. The environment is challenging, but not in a good way. I feel like I'm lost in the middle of nowhere. I'll be moving back to high speed internet and 24-hour restaurants before too long, I think. I don't really mind living at home with Mom and Dad most days. Today was a bit rough, because they both took it upon themselves to tell me that I need to take better care of myself, forgetting that I'm a grown woman and perfectly capable of taking care of myself without their assistance. It's a bit frustrating at times, but I'm dealing. It's taken me a long time and a huge loss of pride to admit when I'm not alright and ask for help. Thankfully, it's something the new bf pointed out and I'm working on. I have a lot of small issues with the school and the atmosphere, but I'm giving it a chance and sticking it out until something better comes along. Mom says she can tell I'm not happy with where I am, and she's right, but I'm here for now and I just have to make it work. Unfortunately, she often only hears my vent and doesn't see the positive, happy, friendly exterior I maintain for most of my life.
There are good things about working here, and there are some really fantastic moments in the classroom. One of which involved sixth graders... One student, upon hearing the assignment of four handwritten pages concerning their research topic, loudly proclaimed, "I can't!" One of his classmates replied, "can't never could," followed quickly by a third student's quip, "until try came along!" I laughed and just knew it was a quotable quote. Some of these children are charming and funny and quite intelligent. Hopefully I'll be able to post a lot of great stories in the future.
The new bf is wonderful. Mother made the comment that she doesn't know why he's my "boyfriend" since we've only been on one date, but we've invested so much in each other emotionally that it only makes sense to have the title. It's a little difficult to fall for someone when you're just talking. That's such an odd term, by the way. His name is Cory. He's incredibly intelligent, funny, witty, sarcastic, cute, friendly, compelling, ambitious, sweet, sensitive in a very non-gay way, a great dresser, goofy, quirky, eclectic, loves history, and says he's on his way to loving me... That's the scary part, I think. I know me breaking up with Steve didn't really make the news. We've been done since the beginning of December, and I think it's for the best. He's finally realized he can do school on his own, make his own decisions, and have a good life with friends. He's not quite happy, but he's getting there, and we're still friends. I didn't realize it until recently, but I'm still getting over him. I thought a clean break was possible, but three years is a long time. Cory has helped tremendously. He's a teacher, and I met him while I was student teaching. He is a friend of my mentor teacher from my first placement, and we were kind of thrown together from the beginning. It didn't take a serious or romantic turn until I moved back home to Mom and Dad's. We emailed, then moved to texting, and now we're at nightly phone calls. He makes me smile, and he cares about my day, can deal with my moods, and can even counter my crankiness, which is pretty impressive. He makes me happy. Rhina, a friend of mine from my Cracker Barrel days who I still visit as often as possible even made a comment about me being happier now than she's ever seen me. It's an inner peace, really. I'm comfortable in my options. I'm not pressured, and I feel that I can grow and heal with Cory and truly find my place in life. He's not perfect, no, but he's close. He has a five-year-old son who has not met me. That's an event I'm looking forward to immensely. I also want to meet his family. It seems like most of this will have to wait until I get back over that direction on a more permanent basis. I don't get to see him often because of the physical distance. It's difficult, but we're working on it. I've been working on my faith and personal walk with God, and I know he's a strong Christian, so I'm looking forward to growing with him on a spiritual level. I asked what he needs me to pray for specifically for him, and he responded today that he needs "resolve, clarity, direction, and skill in prioritizing and scheduling." I can only assume he means that I'm a priority with this comment, since it's directed at the major issues we've been having. It's such a wonderful relief to be able to actually talk about any issues we have openly and candidly without being yelled at or unreasonably ignored. Resolving things is easy with a mature, level-headed man with excellent reasoning skills and sound logic. He knows it hurts my feelings when he forgets to call, or our schedules get complicated and I don't hear from him for a long while. The only time I've ever been "angry" so to speak was when he neglected to even text over the course of the day. It takes two seconds. Pick up the phone. He knows this, though, and he's working on it. He says I have the patience of Job and he appreciates that I am willing to wait for him. I'd be stupid not to. He's still tearing down and rebuilding from his ex-wife and the trouble and drama and lack of trust in that relationship, so it will be a momentous occasion when he trusts me with his whole self. I'll be sure to let you know if it ever happens.
I'm sitting in my classroom right now, at 830 at night, for One-Act Play. We were supposed to rehearse tonight, but everyone on the cast and crew is involved with either basketball, cheer-leading, or student council, so they have to be at the game for various reasons. It's a bust, essentially. I'm tired, but caught a cat nap on the couch in my classroom a little while ago. I'll make it, but I look forward to Saturdays when I can sleep late and speak to people over the age of 14 for extended periods of time.
Thank you all for reading my ramblings. I hope my update has been interesting and enlightening, and that everyone knows I love them and send them hugs and prayers. Goodnight!
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