From the Desk of...

Here we are again! Yours truly, updating with the latest in my crazy world. First of all, I have a new boyfriend, whom I'll discuss in a minute. Second of all, I have a job, which I will probably discuss often. Lastly, I'm tired, which I may touch on at several points.

My job is Junior High English Teacher. Don't ask what grades. I told you. Junior High. That's correct, three grades. Sixth, seventh, and eighth. I have a total of 90 students across three grades, and all but four or five middle school students in the school. My neighbor seems nice enough, though a little aloof still. My across-the-hall neighbor is awesome, and I love her. My around the corner coworkers are friendly, but not overly so. It's a very small school, and the people are nice, but it's painfully slow. The environment is challenging, but not in a good way. I feel like I'm lost in the middle of nowhere. I'll be moving back to high speed internet and 24-hour restaurants before too long, I think. I don't really mind living at home with Mom and Dad most days. Today was a bit rough, because they both took it upon themselves to tell me that I need to take better care of myself, forgetting that I'm a grown woman and perfectly capable of taking care of myself without their assistance. It's a bit frustrating at times, but I'm dealing. It's taken me a long time and a huge loss of pride to admit when I'm not alright and ask for help. Thankfully, it's something the new bf pointed out and I'm working on. I have a lot of small issues with the school and the atmosphere, but I'm giving it a chance and sticking it out until something better comes along. Mom says she can tell I'm not happy with where I am, and she's right, but I'm here for now and I just have to make it work. Unfortunately, she often only hears my vent and doesn't see the positive, happy, friendly exterior I maintain for most of my life.

There are good things about working here, and there are some really fantastic moments in the classroom. One of which involved sixth graders... One student, upon hearing the assignment of four handwritten pages concerning their research topic, loudly proclaimed, "I can't!" One of his classmates replied, "can't never could," followed quickly by a third student's quip, "until try came along!" I laughed and just knew it was a quotable quote. Some of these children are charming and funny and quite intelligent. Hopefully I'll be able to post a lot of great stories in the future.

The new bf is wonderful. Mother made the comment that she doesn't know why he's my "boyfriend" since we've only been on one date, but we've invested so much in each other emotionally that it only makes sense to have the title. It's a little difficult to fall for someone when you're just talking. That's such an odd term, by the way. His name is Cory. He's incredibly intelligent, funny, witty, sarcastic, cute, friendly, compelling, ambitious, sweet, sensitive in a very non-gay way, a great dresser, goofy, quirky, eclectic, loves history, and says he's on his way to loving me... That's the scary part, I think. I know me breaking up with Steve didn't really make the news. We've been done since the beginning of December, and I think it's for the best. He's finally realized he can do school on his own, make his own decisions, and have a good life with friends. He's not quite happy, but he's getting there, and we're still friends. I didn't realize it until recently, but I'm still getting over him. I thought a clean break was possible, but three years is a long time. Cory has helped tremendously. He's a teacher, and I met him while I was student teaching. He is a friend of my mentor teacher from my first placement, and we were kind of thrown together from the beginning. It didn't take a serious or romantic turn until I moved back home to Mom and Dad's. We emailed, then moved to texting, and now we're at nightly phone calls. He makes me smile, and he cares about my day, can deal with my moods, and can even counter my crankiness, which is pretty impressive. He makes me happy. Rhina, a friend of mine from my Cracker Barrel days who I still visit as often as possible even made a comment about me being happier now than she's ever seen me. It's an inner peace, really. I'm comfortable in my options. I'm not pressured, and I feel that I can grow and heal with Cory and truly find my place in life. He's not perfect, no, but he's close. He has a five-year-old son who has not met me. That's an event I'm looking forward to immensely. I also want to meet his family. It seems like most of this will have to wait until I get back over that direction on a more permanent basis. I don't get to see him often because of the physical distance. It's difficult, but we're working on it. I've been working on my faith and personal walk with God, and I know he's a strong Christian, so I'm looking forward to growing with him on a spiritual level. I asked what he needs me to pray for specifically for him, and he responded today that he needs "resolve, clarity, direction, and skill in prioritizing and scheduling." I can only assume he means that I'm a priority with this comment, since it's directed at the major issues we've been having. It's such a wonderful relief to be able to actually talk about any issues we have openly and candidly without being yelled at or unreasonably ignored. Resolving things is easy with a mature, level-headed man with excellent reasoning skills and sound logic. He knows it hurts my feelings when he forgets to call, or our schedules get complicated and I don't hear from him for a long while. The only time I've ever been "angry" so to speak was when he neglected to even text over the course of the day. It takes two seconds. Pick up the phone. He knows this, though, and he's working on it. He says I have the patience of Job and he appreciates that I am willing to wait for him. I'd be stupid not to. He's still tearing down and rebuilding from his ex-wife and the trouble and drama and lack of trust in that relationship, so it will be a momentous occasion when he trusts me with his whole self. I'll be sure to let you know if it ever happens.

I'm sitting in my classroom right now, at 830 at night, for One-Act Play. We were supposed to rehearse tonight, but everyone on the cast and crew is involved with either basketball, cheer-leading, or student council, so they have to be at the game for various reasons. It's a bust, essentially. I'm tired, but caught a cat nap on the couch in my classroom a little while ago. I'll make it, but I look forward to Saturdays when I can sleep late and speak to people over the age of 14 for extended periods of time.

Thank you all for reading my ramblings. I hope my update has been interesting and enlightening, and that everyone knows I love them and send them hugs and prayers. Goodnight!

The Next Chapter

Right now, I currently feel intoxicated. I can honestly promise that I have consumed no alcohol in over a week, at the least. I guess it's a combination of my equilibrium being slightly off and my sinuses still being clogged. I've been slightly deathly ill lately, by the way. On and off fever, hacking cough, draining sinuses, fatigue, body aches, and general exhaustion. I've been sleeping for hours on end every day, and I'm finally getting better. I'm actually sitting in class today! Yay! This has been a rather sickly semester for me thus far. First a little cold, then a nasty stomach bug that made me want to die, and then this really horrible, yucky "crud" that's been plaguing me for the past week. Hopefully it'll all go away and I can go another few years without getting severely sick again.

My scene went up yesterday. I got hit pretty hard, and I cried, but I'll tough it out and move on. I guess you live and learn. I could make excuses about my main character dropping out less than a week before the performance, my severe illness, the lack of time and rehearsal, and the lack of available rehearsal space, but I refuse to make unnecessary excuses for my lack of proper scene choice. Maybe it's a pride thing.

I have a project due on Friday that should be relatively simple to make and complete, but I have to sit down and do it. I have a show to see tonight. Angels In America opens tonight, and I'm looking forward to seeing it. Since my directing scene's finished, I have to begin research on my musical scene as soon as possible. Things are slowing down a little, so I think I'll make it.

Still giving myself the B-12 shots, and still doing just fine with them, though no major changes yet. I need to put together a to-do list and a grocery list for Wal-Mart. I need shampoo. I need to do laundry, too. Always something to do. But that's life. Not in my normal peppy mood today, sorry. Just dealing as I can.

JP's birthday was Sunday. I gave him a card and a little fuzzy yellow duck that went with the theme of the card. It was kind of funny because I borrowed his keys to put his card and duck in his car in order to avoid embarassment and gossip, and he asked me to take his balloon and gifts to the car. His mother and sisters had been by earlier that day and brought gifts and the balloon. It was such a comfortable, normal thing to do. It felt like Jarrod and me all over again, with the familiarity and the comfort and the predictability. Another interesting discovery was one I think I've made before, and that is that he doesn't ever ask me to do anything as far as work goes. I was working with Heather on Sunday and he asked her to spot sweep when we were both standing there, and then told her to go light the lanterns on the tables, rather than me. I didn't mind, but I found it a little odd. To top it off, I was sweeping under a big table so we could seat people there again and he touched me on the elbow and told me the busser could do it. I don't know why he does that, but it may be because he knows that I'm willing to do anything he needs done, both for work and on a slightly personal level. (Think shopping for his mom's Mother's Day gift when given a spending limit within the store, or taking his birthday presents to his car, or getting him medicine for his migraines.)

Ok, class is over, so I'm off. Love and hugs, as always.