My Complaints

Do you ever just feel used? I guess that's how I feel today. In One Act Plat, I buy stuff, I get things, I'm responsible for so much, and none of it's appreciated. It just pisses me off! And I don't get mad about anything! I get annoyed, I get frustrated, but I don't get mad. And that really makes me mad! In National Honor Society, Zack and I generally bear the bulk of the work, the responsibility, and the organization while our president sits back and tries to delegate, yet won't let us do "anything without her." In Spanish Honor Society, I never get any news about what's going on, I'm informed at the last minute that things are going to happen,and I'm president of the club! And yet it's not ok for me to say, "Wait, I want to be a part of this, since I AM supposed to be in charge here!" In Interact, I do a lot, but I'm thanked for it at least. In band, I volunteer to do a lot, but then our director expects me to make sure every little thing in my section is taken care of. There are ten people in my section, the people don't even listen to me, and I'm in charge!?!? What am I doing? Why can't I just say no? Let go? Let someone else take care of it. Yeah, right. I got myself into this hole, but I can't get out. I know, "stop digging," but it's not that easy. How can I get out of this trench when all I have is my own two hands? And I'm out of drive, out of desire. I want to just blame my problems on two or three justly responsible parties... but I can't. I wasn't raised to be that way. I'm the type of person that finishes what I start. I can't let other people take over my tasks until I'm finished. And I can't finish until replacements have been named. We should have no problem taking care of that. Elections will be pretty soon and OAP won't advance. It'll all be over pretty soon...

Well, for those of you who take the time to read this: thanks. I've been having tons more bad days than usual, and it;s beginning to worry me. I have a request. Give me reasons to be happy with my life as it is. Anything you can think of, any reason you can come up with. Now don't get any ideas about me being (heaven forbid) suicidal. I'm just almost to a point of what feels like, and I can only describe as depression. I've got to snap out of it, but I can't do it alone. I'm going to need help. Any and all is welcome. Porkchop, have you noticed? Do I seem as different as I feel? Thanks guys. Lots of love. Toodles.