Long time, no post...

It's been a while, hasn't it. Sorry. Not a whole lot has been happening. I've been less mothering lately. I guess I'm just getting burned out. But I'll be back to normal soon. Spring break is coming up! I'm doing a bunch of stuff with Mom, and I have some plans of my own, so I'll be busy, but it'll be a good busy. I'm hungry. I went to church this morning. I'm in the library now. Joe, my acting partner, met with me to pick out a play. He was early and my group for production was late, so I multi-tasked for most of the afternoon. I finally got a chance to burn those CD's I've been wanting to burn, so that's good. Other than that, things are rather uneventful. I'm going with the flow, and, with the exception of this ache in my stomach that is hunger, I am doing fine. My roommate and suitemate were both gone this weekend, so I had an incredibly uneventful day yesterday. I slept late and read a book for the 5th time or so, wrote in my journal, took a nap, and munched on some snacky things. Very good day. But anyway, my music is almost finished burning, so I'm off. Food! Yay! Love and toodles!

Development

Here's a thought. Should I just be a theatre teacher? Mother says I won't be as marketable, but I wouldn't have to change my major and I could be just as involved in the theatre department. And I could still teach. Reasoning? I don't really know that I would enjoy teaching English. I know I love the subject, but is that love enough to get me through the classes I hate? Then again, is that love enough to get me through the Theatre classes I hate, too? Ideas? Suggestions? Help?! I may be just sounding off. I'm still in the decision stage, I think. And so the journey continues.

Fears

Life takes unexpected turns. I'm scared to death of failure. Not getting married and having children would be failure. Dying alone and unloved would be failure. Never loving someone completely, not living my life for me, giving up my truest dreams, all failures. I want what everyone wants-happiness. But my happiness depends on something beyond my control. The love of a man who would make a wonderful father and husband. I've made a decision. I want to be a teacher. And I want to stay in Texas. I love Texas. My roots are here. How could I give that up? Who would ask me to? Nobody, I hope. But I'm afraid I'm making a mistake. Changing my major, compromising my "dream", changing my whole life to pursue something that may never actually materialize.

I thought I wanted to direct. I think about it now and I see that my passion doesn't really lie there at all. That it's merely another fun pastime I happen to be good at. So I searched my soul and came up with the answer to my own question, "What will make me truly happy and really fulfill my deepest desires?" Motherhood. It's that simple and yet that complex. I know I wouldn't be happy just sitting at home cooking and cleaning all day, despite the charm that it holds now. I'd be bored out of my mind in a matter of years. So I need a career that will work well with my domestic goals. Teaching. And teaching high school English, no less. With a minor in theatre and my masters in English, I'll not only be incredibly marketable, but I'll be able to do so many things in both small and large school systems. Maybe I'll become another Mrs. Rollins. Sure, that means 2 more years of school and a teaching certification, but I'll be happy. I'll be able to teach, interact with people all day, be a mother and a wife, and have a life both outside and with my work. I'm steadily warming up to this idea. Occasionally berate myself for being nothing but scared, running away from California and the unkind life awaiting me there. But then I'll remember the gorgeous Texas skies and know I'm getting closer and closer to my real dream.

That still leaves me a scared, single college student about to take the hardest and biggest step of her life. I ask your prayers, your support, and your encouragement. Hugs and kisses. Thanks to all of you. Ok, I'm ready to take the plunge. I pray someone will catch me at the bottom...

And Now, Spatula, with Today's News

Hey everybody. How about those Steelers?! Hehe. The game was one point away from the perfect irony, but that's ok. Some pretty funny commercials this year. I didn't see any that really pulled my heart-strings, though. Watched the game with some friends. It was pretty fun.

I'm exceptionally tired today. Heather (my suitemate) and I stayed up until the wee hours Friday and Saturday, and I guess I'm still feeling the effects. At least my homework's all done.

People are dumb. They apparently don't know that the little "away" symbol means I'm NOT HERE! And no, Mark, I'm not talking about you. Random people pop up on my screen when I'm not home. Sure, I love getting messages, but c'mon, don't they posses common sense? Kinda weird in my opinion. But whatever.

In other news, my tooth is in pretty good shape. I got some putty to fill it as my wonderful mother suggested, and it helped. I still don't chew on that side and it hurts occasionally, but at least I can drink things without the excruciating pain shooting through the right side of my jaw and ear. It comes out Friday! Love and toodles!

>>>UPDATE!!! Fresh from the news desk! Just for all of my wonderful readers who notice little things like this, my teeth are fine! I got 2 molars removed on Friday and haven't felt any pain at all. I can now touch the holes with my tongue and play with my gum during class. Life is definitely looking up! I have dissolvable stitches, and they're still there. How long does it take for them to dissolve...?

Thursday: Almost There!

The good mood continues! Yesss! Anbesol tastes funny. I had an awesome workout last night! It was pretty long, but it felt sooo good! I felt it this morning. My legs were kinda shaky and I was really hungry. But I have every intention of doing it again tonight. Now why didn't I start this earlier? I have no idea. I love it! Who would've thought I would actually LIKE to work out?!?! Haha. Not me!

But on to other things. My mouth is numb. It's a totally awesome feeling. :p We get free breakfast tomorrow morning provided by the wonderful people at Residence Life. We get an allotment every month to spend on what ever we want. This month, it's breakfast. We also had a "welcome back" party last Wednesday.

My MySpace song is the Top Gun Anthem!!! Yay! I LOVE that song! One of the greatest instrumentals ever!

I'm glad Jessalyn's buckling down and not partying as much, but she's home all of the time. Not exactly cool. And she sleeps CONSTANTLY! But whatever. I don't even really care if I wake her up. She wakes me up all of the time. So poo.

Did everyone hear about the Seattle scandal?! They've been using a registered trademark (not their own) for about 20 years now and the finally got caught! They stole the "12th Man" phrase and idea from Texas A&M, and now the Aggies are takin' 'em to court! Woohoo! Gig 'em! This is a time for Texas to unite. We should all be together in our defense of the trademark. Even if you bleed orange instead of maroon. Interesting thought.

Sewing mantra for the week: You rip what you sew!

Looking Up

I'm in a much better mood now. And my roommate is still alive. :p I went shopping last night, so I feel muuuuch better. Hehe. No, I didn't spend too much. I got some new sneakers for hip-hop, some Anbesol for my tooth, and a new CD. I also had a fantabulous workout and some pretty entertaining conversations as well, so today feels like a good day. I'll let you know for sure when it's all over tonight. Love and toodles!

Boo

I'm depressed. And my tooth hurts. I don't know why I'm depressed except that maybe I feel like I'm missing something in life. Like things were meant to be something different. If you don't understand, don't worry about it.

But my tooth hurts.

Is it justifiable homicide to kill your roommate for eating noisily? I can tolerate most things, but ever since I was young I never could stand the noises people make when they eat. Lo and behold, I get a roommate who is the loudest chip muncher under the sun!!! I'm going to kill her. I know quite a few people who would help my get rid of the body...

Complaints

Being sick stinks. And Nyquil tastes sooo much better than Dayquil! Dunno why, but it does. Other than the obvious discomfort in my nasal passages, throat, and ears (causing a headache, stuffy nose, and lovely cough), I'm dealing with a huge, gaping hole in the back of my head. I've stopped chewing on my right side. And it's hard to remember until something gets over there and the excruciating pain shoots through my body at speeds previously unknown to mankind. I have a presentation due tomorrow, another due on Friday, and a test today, only for about half of which I'm prepared.

On a lighter note, I love my classes. Makeup is a blast, costuming is fun, acting 2 is awesome, intro to production is pretty sweet, and my history class is even half-way interesting. Woohoo! My dance class is just funny. If you know anything about Southeast Texas, imagine a hip-hop class at a relatively inexpensive college... Hehehe. Yeah, I'm a white girl. :p

But back to being sick. I'm soo not up for a long day, but I get one anyway. Maybe I'll be smart and use my invalid time to do my homework. Haha. Suuure. That's what I'll do... ;D Ok, I'm out. Love and toodles!

Tragedy

In one morning all changed. Porkchop's dad passed away. He had his stomach banded recently and went to the ER Sunday. They had to do emergency surgery and he didn't recover as they intended. Please pray for Courtney, as well as Christie (Courtney's step-mom), Kendall, Matthew, and Heather (Courtney's siblings). And Bernice, Courtney's mother. This is going to be hard for all of them. And for those of us doing our best to ease their pain.

It's That Time Again

Well, I'm back "home" now. School, that is. It's really wonderful to be back. I'm shifting gears again, telling myself that it's time to buckle down and "do" college. But I can work hard and play hard, too. No more worries about curfew and calling home every ten minutes. I'm thinking about getting a job, but then there's all of the stuff I have to do already, not to mention all of the possibilities for this semester, so I'll probably wait. I'm definitely working this summer, though. My roommate wants some company tomorrow while she gets her truck worked on, but I don't know when my audition is and if I'll be able to go, so I'm waking up early to go sign up if possible.

I have a very pretty color-coded schedule written up, and I'm walking around some time tomorrow to see where my classes are. Most of them are in the theater building, so no worries there. I have my first hip-hop class on Wednesday. Um, yay, I guess. We'll see and I'll report back. This should be interesting. Well, g'night! Love and hugs!

Troy

It’s all Helen’s fault, you know. If she hadn’t run off with Paris a dreadful chain of events would have been avoided. Of course, we wouldn’t still be reading about the history of the greatest war ever fought, either, now would we?

Think about it. Paris takes Helen. Paris fights Menelaus, Hector kills Menelaus, Agamemnon wages war to avenge his brother, Hector kills Ajax, and Achilles’ cousin fights for Greeks dying on Trojan shores. Achilles fights Hector and kills him, escalating the war and changing the fate of the war for the Greeks, who were doomed from the beginning without Achilles to fight for them. All for Helen’s renowned beauty. Then Paris shoots an arrow and hits the heel of the great hero and the Greeks resort to trickery to win the war.

And then there’s the whole “Romeo and Juliet” inner story. Achilles loves Chryseis and yet tears them apart with his own vengeance. Twisted fate.

Is the entire movie of Troy one big bundle of dramatic irony? WE all know what’s going to happen. Some of us even know the details. Did anyone notice that really weird reference to Aeneas? He was supposed to be older and married...

I like it. The character development, the plot development, and even the connected threads of revenge and death appeal to me. Ah, the timeless story of deception, war, love, and mythology intertwined with an irrational trust in the divine beings of our own imaginations. What a novel idea, eh?

Sarcasm, cynicism, yeah. But oh well. Have a good day everybody.

Oh yeah, I love the horse. So cute.

Observations

Hey everybody! Well, Christmas is over. Now it's time for New Years! Woohoo! Ok, I promised some funny stories based on a few observations.

One: Eggnog is addicting. I come to this conclusion based on an observation. Christmas Eve: We're sitting around the bar in the kitchen talking and telling stories and drinking, you guessed it, eggnog. We had all finished our cups except for Mom and had moved on to something hot, like Mom's awesome spiced tea. Dad sat quietly gaping at Mom's cup. The words out of his mouth next took us all by surprise… "Are you gonna drink that?" Silence. Then laughter! We all cracked up! Dad was so serious! He really wanted more, very badly! So then we got into a discussion about the way we all love eggnog and how we could drink it constantly, even though we shouldn't. And so the evening progressed.

One of the things I absolutely love about Christmas, even more than the presents, it seems, are those magical moments that occur spontaneously. Like that wonderful conversation we had around the bar that night. About life, about work, about silly stories and gay guys hitting on people. Hehe.

Two: I now own the softest robe on the planet, with Brandy's coming in a very close second. For Christmas I got a gorgeous green and white robe that feels exquisite! I can't really describe it, except that it's the softest, fluffiest, warmest, most comfortable robe I've ever felt. It's a robe that makes you really not want to ever put on your pajamas. I love it! For those of you at college, I'll bring it back just to share the absolute delight of touching it. :p

Three: Mother is an amazing cook! Not funny, per say, but very true, nonetheless.

Four: I got soo many wonderful gifts! Like jewelry, a purse, socks, my robe, more jewelry, some sweaters, face cleaner stuff, and a full acrylic paint set! Along with a green dragonfly teapot, a dragonfly pin, a pair of dragonfly earrings, and some wonderful lotion, I had a wonderful Christmas. We had chili after church. Mmm mmm good!

Five: Playing Trivial Pursuit with a bunch of guys without Larry and Jan there is rather pointless. The guys were desperately trying to catch up with the girls after we had conquered 5 of 6 categories. The guys: 0. Yeah, really boring. So I, being the "question master", through collaboration with the rest of the girls, decided to censor the questions. The guys got about 10 questions they were guaranteed to answer correctly, and were up to 4 of the 6 categories. We left them there on their own. They then proceeded to get the final 2 pie pieces and make it to the middle, where they missed the final question twice! It was getting late, so we called it a game, but the win was "legally" the guys'. And so we marked it with a special circle denoting a "special" win. That one is going in the record books. They didn't have a snowball's chance in Texas of coming back and winning that on their own. So the girls really won, even though the official "W" went to the guys. So much for our bright idea. We only had the pink piece left… Bummer.

Six: Cats are crazy. At Kim's house I left my windows down on my car. Big mistake. When I got in, there were cats! EVERYWHERE! Actually, they were just in the back seat. But it freaked me out, to say the least.

Well, I hope everyone had an awesome Christmas! And I'll talk to y'all later! Love and toodles!

Season's Greetings!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!!!

Man, do I have some stuff to tell y'all... But later, because church is going to start soon. So have a great day! Toodles!

Christmas is Coming!

Well well well. Been a few days, I know. Sorry about that. I've had a stomach bug. Eww. Yeah, it was pretty nasty. But I'm much better now. I got the bug from the 5 year old I babysit. Yep. Gross. But Christmas is coming!!! Yay!!!! I'm soo excited! I've gotten tons of stuff for friends and family and I can't wait to see their faces when they open their gifts! I'd love to go into specifics, but my parents read this. Hehe. I don't know who all even reads this mess anymore, but oh well. I'm very much ready for Christmas. After arriving home on Thursday, I went to Jarrod's house and got to hang out in the hot tub with some friends, which was pretty fun, then we got together again Friday night to watch a movie. Saturday I went to babysit, and then church on Sunday. I got sick Sunday night and spent all day yesterday recovering and then finished my shopping today, which was cool. I got a movie and a toy for the babies I sit for, some goodies for Mrs. Sheryl, and some stuff for some other friends. Yay! I like to shop, but I don't really like Christmas shopping. I never know what to get for everybody! But I usually manage to figure something out. Remember to keep Heath in your prayers. He's headed to the sand box. *sigh* I miss my friend already. I can only imagine what his family is going through. Well, toodles for now.

Tuesday

Look what I've learned in my college life...

That's a wonderful excerpt from a Roger Crager song. The rest doesn't really apply. Haha. My weekend was extremely restful and almost productive. I'm happy again, though a bit crazy. Still. Haha. Well, just wanted to let y'all know that I WILL survive and I'm doing fine. I have a monologue to perform tomorrow, so I need to work on that now. Talk to y'all later! Toodles!

Mhmm

Well, just wanted to say a quick thanks to all of the folks who offered their support and love this past weekend. I really appreciate it. And I know there aren't many comments, but I got a few phone calls and visits, so I felt much better when I went to bed. And today was gorgeous and pretty ok, so I'm making it. I have tons of stuff to do this week, so don't expect much from me. I'll talk to y'all later! Love and toodles.

uh... yeah

So. I'm single. Drew and I had a much-needed discussion about where our relationship was and the direction of our intentions. And the decision reached was that the relationship wasn't "clicking" in the same manner as it was originally. We both felt that we rushed into the titles too quickly and that it would be better if we took a break to reassess our emotions. So we're currently just friends. I don't know how long this sabbatical will last, but he's still going home with me next weekend to hang out at our house and whatnot. And we still will probably do things together occasionally outside of church. So I AM ok. And I'll get over it. Tears will fall, but my heart will heal.

No Kidding

So get this. In acting today, as I was getting my things together to leave Mrs. MacIntyre asks me if I was going to be an actress and director. I answered the affirmative and she cried, "I knew it!" She then said, "It's a hard life, with lots of pains. There are joys, too. You'll do well. I'm looking forward to watching you grow." I conveyed my thanks, and that was the end. But whoa! To have someone like that really believe in you, actually think you can make it in their field... That's a serious confidence booster. :)

Last night was rather interesting. I was driving to Bible study and, stopping for a red light, pulled up beside a woman hanging out of her SUV talking to the woman behind her, also in a SUV. Apparently, the woman in the back didn't have her lights on, so the leader felt the need to tell her. And so ensued a conversation about the said lights with thanks expressed at the next light. I smiled at that. Then, out of town, there was a huuuge bag of pine straw lying in the road that we had to dodge. Randomly.

Little Smokies (ya know, the sausages in B-B-Q sauce) and cheese make a great combination. Snacks at Bible study. Hehe.

Ryan is growing a beard. Ryan is Drew's brother. He just decided to let it grow. He said he was tired of buying razors...

Cio and Allie "fought" for about 15 minutes after everyone left last night. Wrestling, pulling hair, boxing, smack-talking. Quite entertaining.

I made a really cool name tag for myself and Drew with silver, blue, red, and green sharpies. Christmasy.

Meeting in a few, so I'm off. Toodles! Sorry so choppy...

EDIT>>> My friend Brittany's Aunt Lula is having some serious trouble. Her heart is failing and her lungs are filling with fluid. She's in the hospital and needs to be in our prayers. Thanks guys.

Today

Conversations are cyclical. Talking to a friend who I haven't seen in a while, I clearly saw the development. It's interesting. Really. Class, life, nothing to do, haven't seen you in a while, who was this person I met with you, how has everything been, how was Thanksgiving, what are your plans for the rest of the day, good luck with class, if there's anything I can do to help with the grade, see you later, take care! Complete circle. Class, everything in between, and class again.

My roommate was in jail for MIP last night. Minor in possession. Of alcohol. Interesting. But she came in sober. Which was something of a change. Very interesting indeed.

I'm contemplating a room change for next semester. The room next door is going to be completely empty from what I've heard. And the suite on the other side is where Parrot lives with Stacey. Easy suitemates. Then I'd have the chance roommate assignment, though. Some strange person that I don't know. Any thoughts on this?

A pretty good day thus far. I got to sleep fairly late and I slept all night, so I'm not tired like I was yesterday. Bible study tonight at 9. One of the last ones for the semester. Kinda sad. I also have a book to read for English. Yeah, I'm gonna go do that now... Toodles!

Thanks

Ok. So I'm thankful for looooots of stuff. Friends. Family. God. My relationship with my boyfriend. Sunshine. Cold weather. Good music. Laughter. The Christmas spirit. Smiles. Being able to make people feel great about being alive. Drums. Awesome teachers. A capable brain. Financial stability. Life's small pleasures, like bubbles. Decorating the dorm for the holidays.

I heard a comment in English today about reality being dark and dreary. My reality is not. And I'm not a superficial idiot. Despite what some might think. So, I wrote a response:

"Despite reality, I am happy. Not because I do not suffer but rather because I see the good in small things. Like the sunshine, bubbles, music, good food, good friends, family, holidays, and children. Life in general is good. It's a wonderful thing to just exist. And that in itself contributes to the joy deep in my heart and radiating from my smile."

How true. And what a shame I can't bottle this feeling and sell it.