Friday, September 19, 2008
Christmas...
I've had Christmas on the brain for the past few weeks. Between work putting up Christmas trees and ornaments and Miracle on 34th Street on TV, I'm already singing carols. Odd, isn't it, how time flies? I haven't started shopping yet, but I know what I'm getting every one of the people on my list. I'm already getting excited! And I'm beginning to believe in Santa Claus again...
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Ike
Ok, so Ike wasn't really that bad as far as hurricanes go. Yeah, we got some wind and rain, and yeah, he turned the lights off, but we made it, and none of the trailer houses in Steve's neighborhood were damaged at all. Weak hurricane. By default.
The thing that sucks is that we have no power anywhere but campus, which is an incredibly boring place, we have a curfew from 8 PM to 6 AM to keep us from causing trouble, and I can't contact work to find out what's going on because nobody is answering the phone. Oh well. At least I have internet and some A/C to sleep in. Fyi, I heart my laptop.
Later, taters!
The thing that sucks is that we have no power anywhere but campus, which is an incredibly boring place, we have a curfew from 8 PM to 6 AM to keep us from causing trouble, and I can't contact work to find out what's going on because nobody is answering the phone. Oh well. At least I have internet and some A/C to sleep in. Fyi, I heart my laptop.
Later, taters!
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Random
Ok, so this will be a quick blog post. Class is about to start, and I'm sitting at a table with three pretty awesome girls, and I think I actually am going to enjoy my methods block! Woo! Class is starting, so I'm off. More later!
Thursday, August 07, 2008
A Wonderful Thought
I found the following via the stumble button, and I thought it was wonderful.
Wannabe Hippie
A woman who feels desired is many things:
She is less likely to reach frustration with
you
or the children
or the cat
or the dog.
She is more likely to feel like an important part of
your life
and the home you share
and the children you created together.
She is more likely to look at her own body
and instead of feeling disgust at the way it has changed
since bringing your children into the world,
she is more likely to remember the feel of
your hands on her hips
or trailing down her spine
or the way that you pull her in
and fit her perfectly into the spaces of your own form.
A woman who feels desired
is so much easier to sit across the table from
as she is less likely to be judging
her own skin
her own curves
her own worth
her place in the bed that you share.
She is more likely to care for the body she has been given,
feed it good, whole foods
put it to frequent use in the garden
enjoy the pull of muscle
and increasing strength
as she carries ever-growing children
and becomes more confident with household repairs.
A woman who feels desired will rear children
who see their bodies as perfect works of art
that should be celebrated
respected
and capable of love.
It takes very little to make a woman feel desired.
It does not require
expensive jewelery
exotic flowers
pages of poems
romantic dates
or even dramatic words.
You can tell a woman you desire her
with nothing more than a look
a simple touch
a well placed word
and by listening to what she's saying
and then responding appropriately.
Without those simple things
even a strong woman may start to feel
less.
And less leads to
depression
self loathing
anger
frustration
bad parenting
and a marriage
that may not last the next five years.
So when your wife asks you,
"Do you find me sexy?"
the answer should never be
a long pause
followed by a apologetic
"I just love you."
Lie to me
if you have to,
but tell me "yes"
and then watch
as my confidence continues
to bloom
and my heart stays open
even when the world
is throwing us curve balls.
Because sometimes,
a woman needs to know she is desired
or she'll start to believe
it is no longer true.
Wannabe Hippie
A woman who feels desired is many things:
She is less likely to reach frustration with
you
or the children
or the cat
or the dog.
She is more likely to feel like an important part of
your life
and the home you share
and the children you created together.
She is more likely to look at her own body
and instead of feeling disgust at the way it has changed
since bringing your children into the world,
she is more likely to remember the feel of
your hands on her hips
or trailing down her spine
or the way that you pull her in
and fit her perfectly into the spaces of your own form.
A woman who feels desired
is so much easier to sit across the table from
as she is less likely to be judging
her own skin
her own curves
her own worth
her place in the bed that you share.
She is more likely to care for the body she has been given,
feed it good, whole foods
put it to frequent use in the garden
enjoy the pull of muscle
and increasing strength
as she carries ever-growing children
and becomes more confident with household repairs.
A woman who feels desired will rear children
who see their bodies as perfect works of art
that should be celebrated
respected
and capable of love.
It takes very little to make a woman feel desired.
It does not require
expensive jewelery
exotic flowers
pages of poems
romantic dates
or even dramatic words.
You can tell a woman you desire her
with nothing more than a look
a simple touch
a well placed word
and by listening to what she's saying
and then responding appropriately.
Without those simple things
even a strong woman may start to feel
less.
And less leads to
depression
self loathing
anger
frustration
bad parenting
and a marriage
that may not last the next five years.
So when your wife asks you,
"Do you find me sexy?"
the answer should never be
a long pause
followed by a apologetic
"I just love you."
Lie to me
if you have to,
but tell me "yes"
and then watch
as my confidence continues
to bloom
and my heart stays open
even when the world
is throwing us curve balls.
Because sometimes,
a woman needs to know she is desired
or she'll start to believe
it is no longer true.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
What Next?
I've been thinking lately that I have no idea what comes next for me. I don't have a boyfriend for the first time in over a year and a half, and I miss that relationship for the sake of the relationship, but I know I did the right thing breaking up with him. I'm pretty sure he would be willing to take me back if I ever changed my mind, but I don't want him to be willing. I want him to move on. Somehow, though, I'm afraid that won't happen unless I'm completely out of the picture. I want him to be happy, and I don't want him to depend on me. I want to be free to do whatever I want, whenever I want, without having to answer to those unending questions. Maybe I'm to independent for my own good. I find myself wondering if I'll ever find a guy that makes me happy on every level. I want to be intellectually stimulated, I want to have interesting conversations and debates about things and not have to worry about people getting in a tizzy over my opinions. I want to be able to read a book and discuss it without having it assigned for a class. I want someone who will laugh when I'm completely goofy, let me be serious when I need to be, and understands that my moods vary in the extreme. I want to be able to talk for hours just to ramble through my thoughts and get them off my chest, and I want to be able to sit and not say a thing and feel absolutely comfortable. I want to be able to stay caught up on current events and cement in my mind the reasons I feel the way I feel about various political and economical issues. I want to be creative and make things up that will never happen but are fun to dream about. I want to have fun doing nothing, and have fun doing something with the same person. I want to find the one person I can talk to every day and not get tired of. I want to find a love that surpasses petty annoyances and bad habits and means enough to last a lifetime. I want someone who will lay down with me on a rainy day and just sleep, or hold me and talk. I want to be able to not live from one paycheck to the next, but have the freedom to be happy and not worry about every penny I spend. I want someone who can build amazing things with his hands and create both art and function in a project. I want a man who can change my oil, fix my engine, and then teach me how to do it myself. I want a man who respects my independence, but understands that I'm a fragile person who needs protection and love. I want to be cherished. I want to be THE Princess. I want to be happy in love. I want to plan a wedding. I want to have a family. I want to travel the world before I settle down. I want to live on the beach and breathe the salty air. I want to see the sunset from my private beach. I want to own an island where I can harvest my own coconuts. I want to not put on shoes for an entire week. I want to fall asleep to the sound of the ocean. I want to watch my children play in the sand with a big golden dog. I want to curl up in a hammock on a lazy summer afternoon and read away the light. I want to drive for days and see where I end up. I want to stay up all night eating pizza and watching movies without having to worry about what I have to do the next day. I want to not have homework. I want to direct a show. I want to cast a show for a high school theater where I will work and have fun and be happy and successful. I DON'T want to marry a teacher. I've never really met a male teacher that wasn't egotistical and selfish (usually coaches) or waaaay too feminine to handle me. I want someone. Someone who may or may not exist. I wonder if I've already met him and it just didn't cross my mind that we'd make a good couple. Or it crossed my mind but not his. Or it crossed both our minds, but everyone else shot us down before we could discover our happiness. I want to be free to love without worrying about everyone else's standards. I want to... I want to be free of the wants and have my dreams come true. I want to go back to bed. I have no idea where to go from here.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Movie Review!!!
Ok, for the record, Dark Knight was AMAZING!!! Heath Ledger was the best I've ever seen him, and I was incredibly impressed with the actors all around. The plot was decent, and the Joker was wonderfully deceptive. I liked the way the plot introduced another villain, too. It was rather long, but the action never stopped, so it wasn't too terribly drawn-out. We kept thinking, ok, it's almost over, thinking we'd been sitting in the theater for a long time, and then check our watches and realize we still had an hour left. All in all, an amazing movie, one that I will most likely own when it comes out on DVD, and a part for which Heath Ledger deserves an award. It saddens me that he will never again grace the big screen with his amazing talent. Have y'all seen it? What did you think? Let me know!
Monday, July 07, 2008
The Verdict
Steve and I broke up last night. And we're okay. We're still friends. In fact, we hung out almost all day today. I called in to work because I could barely see what I was doing, and we went and ate dinner, and just spent time hanging out and talking. It was a nice change from the pressure of being in a relationship, and I really think we'll stay close friends. I'm taking my dog, Rose to Courtney's when she moves in to her apartment, and I'm sure I'll be over there most of the time when she gets all settled in.
I have a new puppy, by the way. Her name is Rose, and she's a beagle and dachshund mix. She's super cute and very sweet, and Steve gave her to me for a belated birthday gift.
I don't really know what else to say. Classes start tomorrow. And I guess I'll figure out how my online class is going to go. I'll update with more when I have more to say. Love y'all.
I have a new puppy, by the way. Her name is Rose, and she's a beagle and dachshund mix. She's super cute and very sweet, and Steve gave her to me for a belated birthday gift.
I don't really know what else to say. Classes start tomorrow. And I guess I'll figure out how my online class is going to go. I'll update with more when I have more to say. Love y'all.
Monday, June 09, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
The Latest
So it's been a month or so since my last post, and I thought it might be time for an update.
I LOVE my Cracker Barrel job. It's a ton of fun, and I have a lot of friends who like me and how I work, so I have fun there.
I have recently begun listening to talk radio, thanks to my manager, who gave me his account information so I could listen online to the same stuff he listens to. We're always looking for interesting conversation topics for our coffee time chats, so I'm enjoying the interesting look into conservative talk radio. We're on the same page politically, so we don't argue, but have different perspectives, since I interact with a very liberal group of college peers, and he doesn't have any major outside influence on his opinions. It's made for some interesting conversation, and I relish the intelligent political discussion with someone who actually listens to my opinions as something credible and interesting, rather than uninformed and naive. We talk about other things, too. Everything from religion to military service, and from technological advances to funny stories of childhood adventures. So, Mart, JP, and I sit around between my clock-out time and Mart's clock-in time (he's night maintenance) with JP and talk about the world. I think I've learned as much from those two as I do in some of my classes.
The Special Olympics was an amazing experience, and I feel like the "something" I was missing by not being able to interact with intellectually disabled people is finally found again. I can't really explain why it was such a great experience, though the stories people pass through their emails about all of the athletes turning around to get someone who falls behind are true. There was a girl sitting on the track crying, and her opponents went back, got her up, and finished the race with her. There are so many incredible people who fall into the category of "intellectually disabled" and I was fortunate to meet a few. There was one particularly polite young man who impressed me with his consistent manners and friendly demeanor. He was very excited about being on the football team at his high school and was telling me as we were waiting for pasta in the cafeteria that he was changing from receiver to running back because he's not the best at catching the ball, but can run like the wind. He's the only "special ed" (his words) kid on the team, but he goes to half regular classes, half special ed classes. I didn't even get his name, but I enjoyed our conversation. Jeff basically asked me to be his girlfriend right before he threw in the shot put. With Steve sitting right beside me. It was really funny in a way, and very flattering. Katie gave me a huge hug as we were walking over to the awards tent just because. She was my first place winner for that round, too. Mary Claire and Whitney almost got into a fight because Whitney said "Wolves stink" and Mary Claire's team mascot was a wolf. They eventually got settled down again, but these two little tiny girls getting angry was almost laughable when I stood up next to them to calm them down. Thankfully the round was almost over, so nobody's throw was off because of their words. And then there was Colby, who has been a guest star on "Walker, Texas Ranger" and is a fantastic public speaker. He has Downs Syndrome, and his parents are two huge supporters of the Texas Special Olympics. There was a super cute kid named Juan whose teammates and coaches called him Buddha-Buddha. He had a Buddha face, though, really.
There was one athlete who was the only member of his team at the Games, and he was very sweet, but my encounter with him made me cry, and made me very thankful I am as outgoing and friendly as I am. I don't know his name, but I know his smile. I was handing out stickers from the TDCJ group to all of the athletes, and even had my picture taken by one of the guys. I had been through two stacks, and had just started my third, when I looked over beside our group--we were all interspersed throughout the athletes and police groups--and saw an athlete with his parents who had on a lovely wolf shirt, but no stickers. I walked up to him, having gotten comfortable with approaching athletes with stickers. I said, "You don't have any stickers! Would you like one?" He nodded, so I peeled a sticker off and asked him where he wanted me to put it. He pointed to his chest, where a badge would be, and I obliged. As I was walking away to look for more sticker-less athletes, his dad reached over with an indescribable look on his face and said, "Thanks." I was touched beyond belief, and honored that I could make his son's day by so simple an act. That's something I won't forget soon.
After my wonderful experience with the Special Olympics, Steve and I came back to Huntsville. I left Monday afternoon for San Antonio to see a friend who graduated last December. I enjoyed my drive, and the four hours there felt like three. The four hours back only felt like two, so I discovered a new love. An expensive one, but something I'll utilize when I can. I went to Sea World on Tuesday, too. I fed the dolphins, saw killer whales, dolphins, beluga whales, and huge Clydesdale horses, and rode several roller coasters. I had a ton of fun, and plan to make it an annual thing as long as my friend works there. I was delighted to learn that military personnel and their families get into the parks nation-wide for free on Saturdays. That warms my heart.
Now, it's back to work! The dorms open on Monday, and classes start on Tuesday. Here we go again! I have a pretty good break after the summer sessions end, so I'm hoping to save some money and have some fun, but we'll see how the cards unfold.
Hope everyone is doing well, and hope to hear from y'all soon!
P.S. I have a new wonderful friend in Rosemary, an older lady I work with who told me she prayed for me on my week off. I love her a lot, and really enjoy working with her. She's like a grandmother or aunt. My Cracker Barrel family is a great one, though, that's for sure. Love and hugs, everyone!
I LOVE my Cracker Barrel job. It's a ton of fun, and I have a lot of friends who like me and how I work, so I have fun there.
I have recently begun listening to talk radio, thanks to my manager, who gave me his account information so I could listen online to the same stuff he listens to. We're always looking for interesting conversation topics for our coffee time chats, so I'm enjoying the interesting look into conservative talk radio. We're on the same page politically, so we don't argue, but have different perspectives, since I interact with a very liberal group of college peers, and he doesn't have any major outside influence on his opinions. It's made for some interesting conversation, and I relish the intelligent political discussion with someone who actually listens to my opinions as something credible and interesting, rather than uninformed and naive. We talk about other things, too. Everything from religion to military service, and from technological advances to funny stories of childhood adventures. So, Mart, JP, and I sit around between my clock-out time and Mart's clock-in time (he's night maintenance) with JP and talk about the world. I think I've learned as much from those two as I do in some of my classes.
The Special Olympics was an amazing experience, and I feel like the "something" I was missing by not being able to interact with intellectually disabled people is finally found again. I can't really explain why it was such a great experience, though the stories people pass through their emails about all of the athletes turning around to get someone who falls behind are true. There was a girl sitting on the track crying, and her opponents went back, got her up, and finished the race with her. There are so many incredible people who fall into the category of "intellectually disabled" and I was fortunate to meet a few. There was one particularly polite young man who impressed me with his consistent manners and friendly demeanor. He was very excited about being on the football team at his high school and was telling me as we were waiting for pasta in the cafeteria that he was changing from receiver to running back because he's not the best at catching the ball, but can run like the wind. He's the only "special ed" (his words) kid on the team, but he goes to half regular classes, half special ed classes. I didn't even get his name, but I enjoyed our conversation. Jeff basically asked me to be his girlfriend right before he threw in the shot put. With Steve sitting right beside me. It was really funny in a way, and very flattering. Katie gave me a huge hug as we were walking over to the awards tent just because. She was my first place winner for that round, too. Mary Claire and Whitney almost got into a fight because Whitney said "Wolves stink" and Mary Claire's team mascot was a wolf. They eventually got settled down again, but these two little tiny girls getting angry was almost laughable when I stood up next to them to calm them down. Thankfully the round was almost over, so nobody's throw was off because of their words. And then there was Colby, who has been a guest star on "Walker, Texas Ranger" and is a fantastic public speaker. He has Downs Syndrome, and his parents are two huge supporters of the Texas Special Olympics. There was a super cute kid named Juan whose teammates and coaches called him Buddha-Buddha. He had a Buddha face, though, really.
There was one athlete who was the only member of his team at the Games, and he was very sweet, but my encounter with him made me cry, and made me very thankful I am as outgoing and friendly as I am. I don't know his name, but I know his smile. I was handing out stickers from the TDCJ group to all of the athletes, and even had my picture taken by one of the guys. I had been through two stacks, and had just started my third, when I looked over beside our group--we were all interspersed throughout the athletes and police groups--and saw an athlete with his parents who had on a lovely wolf shirt, but no stickers. I walked up to him, having gotten comfortable with approaching athletes with stickers. I said, "You don't have any stickers! Would you like one?" He nodded, so I peeled a sticker off and asked him where he wanted me to put it. He pointed to his chest, where a badge would be, and I obliged. As I was walking away to look for more sticker-less athletes, his dad reached over with an indescribable look on his face and said, "Thanks." I was touched beyond belief, and honored that I could make his son's day by so simple an act. That's something I won't forget soon.
After my wonderful experience with the Special Olympics, Steve and I came back to Huntsville. I left Monday afternoon for San Antonio to see a friend who graduated last December. I enjoyed my drive, and the four hours there felt like three. The four hours back only felt like two, so I discovered a new love. An expensive one, but something I'll utilize when I can. I went to Sea World on Tuesday, too. I fed the dolphins, saw killer whales, dolphins, beluga whales, and huge Clydesdale horses, and rode several roller coasters. I had a ton of fun, and plan to make it an annual thing as long as my friend works there. I was delighted to learn that military personnel and their families get into the parks nation-wide for free on Saturdays. That warms my heart.
Now, it's back to work! The dorms open on Monday, and classes start on Tuesday. Here we go again! I have a pretty good break after the summer sessions end, so I'm hoping to save some money and have some fun, but we'll see how the cards unfold.
Hope everyone is doing well, and hope to hear from y'all soon!
P.S. I have a new wonderful friend in Rosemary, an older lady I work with who told me she prayed for me on my week off. I love her a lot, and really enjoy working with her. She's like a grandmother or aunt. My Cracker Barrel family is a great one, though, that's for sure. Love and hugs, everyone!
Friday, April 25, 2008
Thoughts
I woke up this morning with an eighties montage playing in my head. I Wanna Dance With Somebody, Thriller, Listen to Your Heart, Here I Go Again, I Just Died In Your Arms… And then I got on David Cook’s version of Always Be My Baby. That’s a great song.
Ok, question. If a guy is 36 and a girl is 21, is there too much of an age gap for it to work? Just curious. For the sake of argument, and to get an idea of where everybody stands.
I have come to a few conclusions. First, when toilet paper is on the spool and not free from the wall or holder, women use less toilet paper than when it is free from constraints. Second, when a woman pees standing up, she should have to raise the seat like a man in order to accommodate the rest of the population that does not stand up to pee. Random, I know.
I’m tired. I was up really late last night writing a twelve page paper, and I only got about four hours of sleep. I have to work tonight, and will hopefully get plenty of sleep before work tomorrow. I have rehearsal for a scene that goes up next week, I have to prepare my resume for my Speech for Teachers class, and I have to create a presentation for my Dramatic Theory and Criticism class. I have the weekend, so I’ll be fine. I’m excited about turning 21 on Sunday, and I have my portfolio due on Tuesday. All in all, I have several small things to take care of, and some time to do it, but things are winding down and I feel more lethargic every day.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Good Day
I have diagnosed myself with musical Tourettes syndrome. I randomly burst out into song based on some phrase or jingle I hear. It’s quite fun at work, and I have a good time. At both jobs, actually. I am now working an average of 25 hours per week as a hostess at Cracker Barrel. I feel rather accomplished being able to say that I have two jobs. I don’t really know why, but it does. Honest, I’ll get car pictures up when I can. I have to have time to wash it and make it all purdy and stuff. I don’t have class at all on Friday because all three of my classes are cancelled. I have to be at work at the costume shop at all because my boss will be out of town and the show should be finished by tomorrow evening. I have to be at Cracker Barrel at 5:30, so I need to get dressed and leave at 4:45ish. Fridays are always fun. My managers are already really impressed with me. Kevin, the general manager asked me at our 30 second meeting if I wanted to be a server since I help the servers all of the time, but I told him that I’m happy being a hostess. I just help out whenever I can to make things move quickly and efficiently and help out the servers who are overloaded. Things like taking drink orders and bussing tables. I really do enjoy my job. Today was a good day, too. I broke my nail this morning and made my finger bleed, but then I ran into a friend of mine and we had a really nice conversation about life and the things happening with us, so that made me happy. Then I found out that all three of my classes are cancelled on Friday, and I have no assignments due tomorrow, so I have some free time! Yay!
Steve’s fine. He’s actually going to start a new position at his unit soon. It’ll be a night job, and I’ll miss late evenings with him, but he’ll enjoy it much more than he enjoys his job now. The animals are fine, and everything’s going exceptionally well.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
So...
Ok, Mark, I'll post car pictures ASAP. I got a job!!! I start at Cracker Barrel on Tuesdsay with training at 3 PM. I'm pretty excited, but wish I could get started. I'll update with pictures soon, but for now, it's bbq night at Steve's with friends. I love being able to relax. More later.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Dee dee de deee, dum dee dee dum...
So, I have news! I have a new car! It’s a white ’07 Chevy Cobalt, and it gets fantastic gas mileage and is really fun to drive! The car payment (we call it a car note in
Friday, November 09, 2007
The Blahs
You ever have one of those days when all you want to do is take a long nap? Yeah, it's one of those. I don't really know why. I know I miss Steve. He's been working a lot of overtime, so I miss him a lot lately. My fingers are cold. And I'm listening to my brother's music on MySpace. Good stuff. Rascal Flatts, believe it or not. My so-not-country brother. :p Anyway, I applied for housing. I'll find out my assigned place on December 1st. I haven't told most of my kids, but I think almost all of my coworkers and Dr. Young (the Honors Department Chair) know. I'm strangely excited to not have to come back at the very beginning of January. The dorms don't open until the 10th or something, and I'll have a few days to get settled in before class. Hopefully I'll have my "new" car by then. Yay!!!
I'm incredibly excited about Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. Mostly because I love family gatherings and really good food. And I'm pumped about my gifts for everybody! I still don't have anything for Lauren, but I'll talk to my brother about that. He probably won't know either. Hehe.
They opened the new mall area at school. It's pretty nice. Concrete and plants and lots of walking and sitting space. There are some benches in the awesomest place at the top of the new green area that I'm really looking forward to utilizing. I'm all registered for classes, too. Got advised Tuesday and yesterday and got into all but one of my classes. I have to be cleared for my 400 level English class because the computer's being stupid. I won't graduate until December or 2009, though. I should maybe have a summer off to work at the horse camp or something, so that should be fun. A friend of mine works out at a little ranch in the area and said I'm more than welcome to come stay with her for as long as I need to and work at the ranch. It's horses and kids all summer!!! I'm really trying to get a job there this summer, too. Just a little something to help me keep up with the bills while I'm taking my art classes and maybe a secondary ed. class. Is it weird that it's so close, but so far away?
Steve asked me how I felt about moving out of Texas. If we stay together, all of the big gaming companies are out of state. We're talking California (which is expensive, but I would LOVE), New York (also expensive, but AMAZING), Florida (which I could handle), or even Tennessee, which we both agreed might be the most favorable place right now. It's almost familiar like Texas, and the prices are much more reasonable. I don't know. That's a long way off, so we'll see. He has to graduate and find a job first, and then I have to graduate, and then there's the whole marriage thing, and making sure I can teach in Tennessee. Yeah, might have to look into that. I've seen pictures of out there and it's awesome. Plus it's not so far that I couldn't drive home for Christmas and Thanksgiving and such. And the Renaissance Festival. Now, before my father freaks out at the idea of me thinking about marrying Steve and moving out of the state (which qualifies as a foreign country in his mind, I think--kidding, Dad, kidding), I reiterate that it's a long way away. I'm not even ready to consider that yet. Maybe in another year, but not even then for sure. I love Texas. I'm not opposed to leaving, but I like being close to my roots. Granted, I don't want to live in my hometown, necessarily, but I could handle Beaumont or Houston. We talked about Fort Worth originally. That might be interesting, though the idea of driving there scares me.
Wow, this has been a rather long post. It's time for me to go jump in the shower so I don't have to take one later. I'm on duty tonight and I have group process tomorrow. That means that I have to go on rounds at 1 (with Jared, which takes about 30 minutes, because we're awesome), and then get up at 7 to open the doors and go to group process for RA interviews at 830. I don't like using ":" in my times, if you can't tell. Okay, I really am going now. Toodles, peeps!
I'm incredibly excited about Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. Mostly because I love family gatherings and really good food. And I'm pumped about my gifts for everybody! I still don't have anything for Lauren, but I'll talk to my brother about that. He probably won't know either. Hehe.
They opened the new mall area at school. It's pretty nice. Concrete and plants and lots of walking and sitting space. There are some benches in the awesomest place at the top of the new green area that I'm really looking forward to utilizing. I'm all registered for classes, too. Got advised Tuesday and yesterday and got into all but one of my classes. I have to be cleared for my 400 level English class because the computer's being stupid. I won't graduate until December or 2009, though. I should maybe have a summer off to work at the horse camp or something, so that should be fun. A friend of mine works out at a little ranch in the area and said I'm more than welcome to come stay with her for as long as I need to and work at the ranch. It's horses and kids all summer!!! I'm really trying to get a job there this summer, too. Just a little something to help me keep up with the bills while I'm taking my art classes and maybe a secondary ed. class. Is it weird that it's so close, but so far away?
Steve asked me how I felt about moving out of Texas. If we stay together, all of the big gaming companies are out of state. We're talking California (which is expensive, but I would LOVE), New York (also expensive, but AMAZING), Florida (which I could handle), or even Tennessee, which we both agreed might be the most favorable place right now. It's almost familiar like Texas, and the prices are much more reasonable. I don't know. That's a long way off, so we'll see. He has to graduate and find a job first, and then I have to graduate, and then there's the whole marriage thing, and making sure I can teach in Tennessee. Yeah, might have to look into that. I've seen pictures of out there and it's awesome. Plus it's not so far that I couldn't drive home for Christmas and Thanksgiving and such. And the Renaissance Festival. Now, before my father freaks out at the idea of me thinking about marrying Steve and moving out of the state (which qualifies as a foreign country in his mind, I think--kidding, Dad, kidding), I reiterate that it's a long way away. I'm not even ready to consider that yet. Maybe in another year, but not even then for sure. I love Texas. I'm not opposed to leaving, but I like being close to my roots. Granted, I don't want to live in my hometown, necessarily, but I could handle Beaumont or Houston. We talked about Fort Worth originally. That might be interesting, though the idea of driving there scares me.
Wow, this has been a rather long post. It's time for me to go jump in the shower so I don't have to take one later. I'm on duty tonight and I have group process tomorrow. That means that I have to go on rounds at 1 (with Jared, which takes about 30 minutes, because we're awesome), and then get up at 7 to open the doors and go to group process for RA interviews at 830. I don't like using ":" in my times, if you can't tell. Okay, I really am going now. Toodles, peeps!
Thursday, November 08, 2007
God doesn't like SPAM
Ok, really random title, I know, but I just got an email saying "do what you think God would want you to do with this email." My first response: "God would want me to delete it because God doesn't like SPAM." Couldn't help it. I thought it was quotable, so there ya go.
By the way, I have my housing reserved, I have my letter of resignation in, and I'm beginning to sort through and pack up stuff. I'm going to store most of my junk over at Steve's for the break because I don't have a car to get it back and forth. I'll move all of it back into my dorm room in the spring. I'm actually pretty excited about the move and the change. Yay!!! I'm much better now. Less stressed and happier in general. Funny thing is, knowing that I won't be coming back makes me realize what I'll miss and even makes the job a little easier. Go figure. I'm not naive enough to think it's worth staying, though. I know when I've had enough, and this is it. *sigh* Sweet change. It's like a new life!
Alright, I'm out. Love, peace, and chicken grease! Later, y'all!
By the way, I have my housing reserved, I have my letter of resignation in, and I'm beginning to sort through and pack up stuff. I'm going to store most of my junk over at Steve's for the break because I don't have a car to get it back and forth. I'll move all of it back into my dorm room in the spring. I'm actually pretty excited about the move and the change. Yay!!! I'm much better now. Less stressed and happier in general. Funny thing is, knowing that I won't be coming back makes me realize what I'll miss and even makes the job a little easier. Go figure. I'm not naive enough to think it's worth staying, though. I know when I've had enough, and this is it. *sigh* Sweet change. It's like a new life!
Alright, I'm out. Love, peace, and chicken grease! Later, y'all!
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Update
Ok, really quickly, in case anyone reads this thing anymore, here's an update. The verdict passed via the parents is that I have to live on campus. Now it's just deciding where I can afford to live and when I'm going to quit. Some housing is waaaaay more expensive than others. We'll see. Peace out.
Monday, October 29, 2007
My Dilemma
So, serious props to me for posting for two consecutive days! Lol. I have a dilemma and I need advice and feedback and to just vent, so let me know what you think.
I'm burned out on being RA. I'm burned out with school, but I'm so close now that I can't quit. I'm seriously considering not being Resident Adviser after this Spring. I can't handle the workload with my schoolwork and feel like I'm not drowning in my own tears and sweat and blood. It's overwhelming and stressful and I'm tired of it. Yeah, my residents are okay people, but I don't like being around them all the time. They're not my friends. I have to maintain a professional appearance around them and feel like I can't quite be myself. There are perks, yes, but I can't do this anymore. I have days when I just want to pack my stuff, say "I quit," and throw in the towel. It doesn't help that I feel trapped, exhausted and at the end of my rope, but I still have so much farther to travel before I'm finished. I have no real friends except for Steve and a few of his friends and some mutual friends, and that bothers me. My close friends were awesome, but they're gone. I can't make time for them. Or they can't make time for me. Or maybe we're just not meant to make time for each other. I don't know. I'm lonely, but I can't make time for an outside life because I'm either working or doing school work. The responsible side of me won't let me go party and get drunk and high with the people I know (for which my parents are very thankful, I'm sure), and the crazy side is daring me to do something rash, to live and be bold. I'm at a loss, a dead end. I need something new. Something more. Here's the breakdown.
Problems with quitting: I can't afford an apartment; I would have to get another job; parents won't let me live with Steve; I don't have a working car; I would be a commuter student; I won't stay in a dorm and pay for it again; I love not having electricity and water bills to pay; I love having the Internet and cable for free and being 5 minutes away from my classes; I have a lot of stuff that would have to fit somewhere.
Perks to the job: free housing; steady paycheck; ... That's all I can really think of. And the pay's not even that great.
Problems with the job: I have a curfew; I have paperwork to do every week that's repetitive and boring; RC sheets (which would drive any normal person insane alone); meager paychecks; can't take days off when I'm sick without asking 50 million different people; have to hold new students' hands through the first semester; have to have random, pointless meetings; have to come up with ideas for and throw programs that people expect a good turnout for and never really matter; there are expectations for random things, like trying to get people to come hang out in the lobby just because "they" say we need to build a community; my wonderfully awesome boss is graduating and leaving us to the wolves; I can't handle the workload plus my required hours to graduate and maintain anything above a 3.5 GPA and keep my life and sanity, I'll have to quit in two long semesters anyway to do my student teaching.
I need help. I need advice. I need somebody to help me reason this mess out. I need a friend to tell me that my options could be worse and then tell me which one I can choose. I need my parents to open their eyes and see that I can't continue like this and either offer me a way out of the dorm or accept that I have no other alternative to staying at Steve's. I need to not be pressured from every direction to make a decision. I need to breathe. And I can't. I need something. I need help. Somebody? Anybody. Help me. Please.
I'm burned out on being RA. I'm burned out with school, but I'm so close now that I can't quit. I'm seriously considering not being Resident Adviser after this Spring. I can't handle the workload with my schoolwork and feel like I'm not drowning in my own tears and sweat and blood. It's overwhelming and stressful and I'm tired of it. Yeah, my residents are okay people, but I don't like being around them all the time. They're not my friends. I have to maintain a professional appearance around them and feel like I can't quite be myself. There are perks, yes, but I can't do this anymore. I have days when I just want to pack my stuff, say "I quit," and throw in the towel. It doesn't help that I feel trapped, exhausted and at the end of my rope, but I still have so much farther to travel before I'm finished. I have no real friends except for Steve and a few of his friends and some mutual friends, and that bothers me. My close friends were awesome, but they're gone. I can't make time for them. Or they can't make time for me. Or maybe we're just not meant to make time for each other. I don't know. I'm lonely, but I can't make time for an outside life because I'm either working or doing school work. The responsible side of me won't let me go party and get drunk and high with the people I know (for which my parents are very thankful, I'm sure), and the crazy side is daring me to do something rash, to live and be bold. I'm at a loss, a dead end. I need something new. Something more. Here's the breakdown.
Problems with quitting: I can't afford an apartment; I would have to get another job; parents won't let me live with Steve; I don't have a working car; I would be a commuter student; I won't stay in a dorm and pay for it again; I love not having electricity and water bills to pay; I love having the Internet and cable for free and being 5 minutes away from my classes; I have a lot of stuff that would have to fit somewhere.
Perks to the job: free housing; steady paycheck; ... That's all I can really think of. And the pay's not even that great.
Problems with the job: I have a curfew; I have paperwork to do every week that's repetitive and boring; RC sheets (which would drive any normal person insane alone); meager paychecks; can't take days off when I'm sick without asking 50 million different people; have to hold new students' hands through the first semester; have to have random, pointless meetings; have to come up with ideas for and throw programs that people expect a good turnout for and never really matter; there are expectations for random things, like trying to get people to come hang out in the lobby just because "they" say we need to build a community; my wonderfully awesome boss is graduating and leaving us to the wolves; I can't handle the workload plus my required hours to graduate and maintain anything above a 3.5 GPA and keep my life and sanity, I'll have to quit in two long semesters anyway to do my student teaching.
I need help. I need advice. I need somebody to help me reason this mess out. I need a friend to tell me that my options could be worse and then tell me which one I can choose. I need my parents to open their eyes and see that I can't continue like this and either offer me a way out of the dorm or accept that I have no other alternative to staying at Steve's. I need to not be pressured from every direction to make a decision. I need to breathe. And I can't. I need something. I need help. Somebody? Anybody. Help me. Please.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Ahem...
Okay, so I know it's late, but I'm up, so I might as well post something. I'm on duty this weekend, which sucks, but it's manageable. I have a make-up test on Monday or Tuesday for my Political Science class and another test in psychology (which I've missed the past two classes). It's a big groan, but I can study tomorrow and do fine. I have patterns cut out for next year's Ren Fest costumes, so I'll be making those over the course of the next few weeks. I'm also looking into getting a new car with some help from Dad and Mom. It's a smart car (smartusa.com), and it's pretty cheap, so I hope it happens. My car is still dead. I have no idea where to begin repairs, so I guess it'll stay like that for a while. All of my friends want to "dispose" of it if I get a new car. Sledgehammers, paint balls, spray paint, etc. It would definitely be fun...
Here's one of Maggie playing with Tora, the dog of a friend.
Here's a squirrel hanging out on campus.
And here are a few flowers and a butterfly.
Lovely pictures, all taken on a friend's camera. With that, I'm going to bed. Goodnight! Love to all!
I promised pictures of Loki, so here's one for y'all!
This is Steve and Maggie.
This is Steve and Maggie.Here's one of Maggie playing with Tora, the dog of a friend.
Here's a squirrel hanging out on campus.
And here are a few flowers and a butterfly.
Lovely pictures, all taken on a friend's camera. With that, I'm going to bed. Goodnight! Love to all!
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Loki
I have a kitty!!! We got her last night from a girl who goes to school with me. I found her on Facebook and we met the cat a couple of weeks ago. We decided last night would be a good time to get her, so we did. I watched her and Steve and I discussed names and came up with a list of possibilities. Loki was a late addition, but the one I liked best. Loki is the Norse god of mischief. According to one of the baby naming sites I searched, the meaning is as follows:
Loki is the mythical being of mischief in Norse mythology, a foster-brother of Odin. He is a trickster and a malicious figure who is selfish and greedy, although not necessarily evil as he also comes to the help of the gods in numerous occasions. Loki is reported as being a shape shifter, and with the power of traveling through the air.
I thought that was pretty cool. She's so precious! She's spunky, feisty, adventurous, fast, strong, and very playful. She's talkative and defensive when Maggie tries to get her. It's great! Anyway, I'll possibly post some pictures us when I can get them. Until then, have a good one!
Loki is the mythical being of mischief in Norse mythology, a foster-brother of Odin. He is a trickster and a malicious figure who is selfish and greedy, although not necessarily evil as he also comes to the help of the gods in numerous occasions. Loki is reported as being a shape shifter, and with the power of traveling through the air.
I thought that was pretty cool. She's so precious! She's spunky, feisty, adventurous, fast, strong, and very playful. She's talkative and defensive when Maggie tries to get her. It's great! Anyway, I'll possibly post some pictures us when I can get them. Until then, have a good one!
Sunday, September 23, 2007
More cliches
Wow! It's been over a month, huh? I know it's late, but I figured now is as good as any time to blog. A friend stopped by a little while ago and she's having some serious bf trouble. She wants to be able to afford a house and a good life and have a husband who can provide for her and that lifestyle. Her boyfriend of nearly 4 years just quit the prison and is working construction. She's afraid that he'll end up like her father and work himself to the bone to make ends meet and they'll have to live paycheck to paycheck. Or else, he'll be traveling to make the money and never be home with her. She wants answers from him, and he's not ready to give them. He's still young and settling down isn't really on his mind right now. He's 21. She's almost 22. They went to high school together, and they love each other, but she's dealing with things in her way and he's doing the same thing over 100 miles away. I guess it really must be tough. It makes me really thankful that Steve's in town with me and is working his way through school to make a better life for the possibility of a future us instead of feeling like a wandering soul and not knowing what to do next. She needs guidance, and for once I can't give the words of wisdom needed. I used to be good at that. Still am, actually, but this is much bigger than me. In a few more years, I'll know what to say. As of right now, I have no idea. I guess we'll have to wait it out. I told her to make sure he was worth it. Her time, the wait, the possibility of moving around until he's ready to settle down and plant roots. She also wants to live in here, and he hates it. He's more into small towns and little communities. She likes bigger places where the beauty salons and convenience stores have more to talk about than her personal life. Tough choices. Rock and a hard place, maybe? I just don't know. Thoughts? Comments? Observations? Anybody still out there?
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