Loki

I have a kitty!!! We got her last night from a girl who goes to school with me. I found her on Facebook and we met the cat a couple of weeks ago. We decided last night would be a good time to get her, so we did. I watched her and Steve and I discussed names and came up with a list of possibilities. Loki was a late addition, but the one I liked best. Loki is the Norse god of mischief. According to one of the baby naming sites I searched, the meaning is as follows:

Loki is the mythical being of mischief in Norse mythology, a foster-brother of Odin. He is a trickster and a malicious figure who is selfish and greedy, although not necessarily evil as he also comes to the help of the gods in numerous occasions. Loki is reported as being a shape shifter, and with the power of traveling through the air.

I thought that was pretty cool. She's so precious! She's spunky, feisty, adventurous, fast, strong, and very playful. She's talkative and defensive when Maggie tries to get her. It's great! Anyway, I'll possibly post some pictures us when I can get them. Until then, have a good one!

More cliches

Wow! It's been over a month, huh? I know it's late, but I figured now is as good as any time to blog. A friend stopped by a little while ago and she's having some serious bf trouble. She wants to be able to afford a house and a good life and have a husband who can provide for her and that lifestyle. Her boyfriend of nearly 4 years just quit the prison and is working construction. She's afraid that he'll end up like her father and work himself to the bone to make ends meet and they'll have to live paycheck to paycheck. Or else, he'll be traveling to make the money and never be home with her. She wants answers from him, and he's not ready to give them. He's still young and settling down isn't really on his mind right now. He's 21. She's almost 22. They went to high school together, and they love each other, but she's dealing with things in her way and he's doing the same thing over 100 miles away. I guess it really must be tough. It makes me really thankful that Steve's in town with me and is working his way through school to make a better life for the possibility of a future us instead of feeling like a wandering soul and not knowing what to do next. She needs guidance, and for once I can't give the words of wisdom needed. I used to be good at that. Still am, actually, but this is much bigger than me. In a few more years, I'll know what to say. As of right now, I have no idea. I guess we'll have to wait it out. I told her to make sure he was worth it. Her time, the wait, the possibility of moving around until he's ready to settle down and plant roots. She also wants to live in here, and he hates it. He's more into small towns and little communities. She likes bigger places where the beauty salons and convenience stores have more to talk about than her personal life. Tough choices. Rock and a hard place, maybe? I just don't know. Thoughts? Comments? Observations? Anybody still out there?

Jumbled Ramblings of a Not-So-Stable Mind

I really just want to vent to no one in particular. I'm tired. My office and room are both a mess. I still don't have a car. I'm STILL going through this auditing stuff with Financial Aid. I'm ready for training to be over and check-ins to be over so I can have a semi-normal life. I miss time with my boyfriend. I miss playing with the dog. I don't miss the dog's hair, but that's something we just deal with. I'm making friends with my staff team, so that's cool, but it's not really enough to counteract the frazzled state I'm in. I don't want to help my fellow RAs because none of them helped me. I don't want their help because I like to do things my own way. I hate being the one out of the loop, but I have a life and things to take care of. I have plans for my days. Usually those plans include sleep. My cameras should be in tomorrow, so that's a perk. I hope everything's fixed so I can start taking pictures. Apparently Dad was supposed to talk to me about the cameras, but I haven't heard from him since this weekend. I guess I'll call him tomorrow. My computer's retarded. I know, it's pretty much random rambling, but I'm all jumbled up--hence the title--about life that it's hard for me to focus. It's bedtime. Seriously. I will actually make it to bed tonight before 3 am. So excited! I miss a normal life. Sometimes I wonder if this job is really worth it. I need to win the lottery or something so I don't need loans and can pay for school and a house and for things to be all fixed and wonderful. Too bad you have to actually play the lottery to win.

Better Late Than Never

Well, I know it's been a long while, but I guess it takes a few bad days to make you realize what you need to do. I need a break. I've known this for a while. But I can't really do anything about it. I'm in college. My parents make me feel like there is no break until I get out. A friend told me I should take a semester off. He doesn't understand what it's like. This life. I'm tired. I'm frustrated. I'm busy. I think I might be going crazy. Yeah, it's my own fault. I know this, too. I accept positions. I take on extra work. People put me in a position of power or responsibility and I realize I expect more of myself than anyone else does. I'm "working" right now. My easy show. The last night. My hard show is tomorrow night. And the next night. We still haven't finished perfecting the cues and I feel like I need to cry. I want to take a break, a vacation, but those don't happen anymore. I can't do this. I won't do it again. I just need a rest. Will that ever come?

A Lot Happening

Hey everybody!!! It's the end of April! Can you believe it? A lot of things have happened so far this year, though I guess they are rather insignificant when compared to global issues and whatnot. A bridge collapsed yesterday in California. No deaths. Some crazy Korean dude shot up Virginia Tech. 32 deaths, including the shooter. I turned 20! And I played in some intense rain today! I lost my grandfather on the 18th. No more "blood" grandparents left. I didn't make the funeral. I had my very first surprise party on the 26th! I had some awesome lobster, crab, and shrimp with the family on Friday. Saturday was my kinda surprise party. Had a few friends over to Steve's, ate cake, had ice cream, played games. Sunday, we did it all again, only we went to the friends' house and ate, played games, and had fun. Good stuff. And bad stuff. Finals are coming up, and I'm stressed out. I've gained at least ten pounds this semester. But I have an amazing boyfriend and a group of wonderfully amazing and fantastic friends. Tomorrow is an award ceremony for excellence in writing (I was nominated by a professor), Wednesday is the RA banquet, to which we're wearing our prom dresses, and Thursday is a mandatory honor's meeting. Second class is canceled Wednesday. Third class is canceled Thursday. No class on Friday. It's dead day. Something may or may not happen on May 7th here at Sam. We shall see. It's been a semi-stressful, semi-eventful day. The kind that adds stress but doesn't get much accomplished. I have no idea when I'm going to get a break. I just want to sleep for a few days. I just want to do absolutely nothing and it be alright. Will that ever happen again? I miss childhood, when things were simple and beautiful in their childish intensity.

Spring Break Plans

It's so almost Spring Break!!! Only one more day until freedom! Tonight I'm on duty, which means I can't go anywhere, but it's alright. I'll do my homework for tomorrow, clean my room, pack my bags, and possibly even load my car. I have to do room checks tomorrow night, then Steve and I are leaving for Fort Worth on Saturday. I'll leave my car at his place and ride up there with him. We're staying at his brother's apartment. It should be fun. Everything I know about his family is really good, so I'm looking forward to the visit. We'll head back to my house on Tuesday. Should be fun. I'll let y'all know how things go. Have a good one!

February

Hello everyone! I have no idea who all comes here anymore, but here's the latest for those of you who care.

Valentine's Day was wonderful with Steve. We went to dinner at Olive Garden and saw some dumb movie in the Woodlands. We're still happily together. It'll be four months on the 3rd. Woohoo! I'm incredibly happy with our relationship and with Steve. He makes me feel beautiful, special, precious, and loved. Yes, he loves me. And I love him. It's a beautiful thing.

I have a new very good friend. Her name is Pam, too! We have a ton in common and I enjoy talking to her and listening to her talk. We are Pam [squared] at work. We go on rounds together and have a blast hanging out. We're going to be work-out buddies starting today, so that should be fun.

Steve's going on vacation on the 3rd and will be off for three weeks, so we're going to Fort Worth for the first few days of Spring Break, then off to my house for the rest of it. I'll see his parents and siblings (all three of them: one older brother - Robert, and two younger sisters - Tabitha and Ashley), plus his friends from high school. We also have to stop by Emily's aunt's house to visit. I met Emily's aunt and uncle when they were down helping Emily move stuff, and they like me a lot, plus they live within a few miles of where Steve went to high school, so he says it's no big deal to swing by and say hi.

Let's see... Other than that, the job keeps me busy, as do all of my classes. I have a crazy homework load, so I have to be very careful with my time management in order to get all of my assignments done. I've been doing alright, though. I'm making it. And making A's, to boot. I have to do some sketches tonight, but everything else is finished.

Ok, that's all I have to report for now. No profound thoughts, no interesting stories. They're all pretty routine nowadays. Have a nice day!

A New Beginning

2007. Can you believe some people said we'd never make it this far? Boy, were they wrong. Well, they were wrong about the whole "flying cars" thing, too. We're not holding grudges or taking score, so I guess it's all gravy.

My new position as RA has started out well. I went through training and learned quite a bit, made it through meetings, duties, and getting to know my coworkers with no troubles, and even called in a work order. Most of my job is self-explanatory paperwork. I know my kids and I know how to deal with people, so I'm not really as worried about things as I was. This should be fun.

I have a cold. Or something. Whatever it is, my nose is stuffy, I'm draining enough to cough, but with minimal results, I wake up without the ability to work my vocal cords, and I have pressure slowly building below my eye. I'll get some medicine today.

Yesterday was full of fun. Steve took me to dinner and a movie, then we went to supper with some friends to celebrate Cindy's birthday. (Cindy is one of Steve's coworkers.) We went to Main Event, which is a gaming place, and played Laser Tag (my new favorite game), bowled a few games, and hung out for a while. I came home and did rounds with Pam, the other RA, and that was very enlightening. Dinner was TGI Friday's and supper was Red Robin. All in all a very good day.

This semester, I'm taking three writing-enhanced English classes, two theater classes, and one writing-enhanced honors seminar. Please tell me I'm not suicidal.

In other news, I got my refund back, I purchased a meal plan for the semester, and cold clam-strips are not very good. Ryan is fine, though he's packing to move somewhere. Germany, hopefully.

I had a dream last night that Steve started playing World of Warcraft and didn't have time for me anymore. I left. Now I'm afraid that I'll take a backseat in his life. I don't think I could handle that. Not after these past two months of his unwavering attention. Now, don't get me wrong, I know his friends and family will be a major part of his life, and that's fine. I just don't want to be overshadowed by a video game. It was just a dream, but it felt too real for me to be comfortable with it. We'll see how things turn out after the computer comes.

Dad called at 730 this morning and woke me up. Then Jenna called me at about 1030 and woke me up again. Oh well. I'll sleep tonight.

Alright, time to head to the office. Talk to y'all later.

December 2006

Wow. It's been a long while, hasn't it? Things are still fabulous. I went through one of the most stressful weeks of my life trying to get some costumes finished, but they're all done now. Just some minor repairs before I hand them over for good. And I'll get paid soon, too. That'll buy the rest of my Christmas gifts. Something for Mom, Derek, and Dad, and something for Steve. I know what I'm getting for all of them.

Can you believe Christmas is two weeks away?! It snuck up on me. I have two finals, and then I'm checking out of my dorm so I can head home for the break after a few hours with Steve. He's fine, by the way. Still just as wonderful as ever. Still no fights (knock on wood), no problems, so we're doing really well. He hasn't told me he loves me yet, and I don't mind in the least. I think it's best to take this slow.

Other than being incredibly preoccupied by my wonderfully amazing boyfriend, I'm wrapping up classes, getting things packed, and getting ready to move downstairs for the RA position. Yay! For those of you who don't know, I did, in fact, get the RA position at Spivey, my current house for the Spring semester. If I can, I hope to stay here in this position until I graduate. That would be incredibly awesome!

Patti wants me to stay on at the costume shop, just to be on-call when they need me. I, of course, agreed. I love the shop, and I would've missed it terribly.

I've been writing Ryan regularly, and he's fine. We're talking about relationships and odd things in life, as usual, so I'm enjoying it. I think he knows more about me than some of my closest, dearest friends. Wait, he IS one of my closest, dearest friends! I need to talk to Alex, though. She doesn't know I have a boyfriend. And I have her Christmas gift to deliver.

Anyway, I need to grab some grub and finish all of this sewing, so I'm off. I love all of you very much! Have a very merry Christmas and a happy New Year!!!

Yay!!!

So, I suppose everyone would just looove to hear my news, right? Heh. I have a boyfriend! Yay!!! Finally, I know. His name is Steve, he's 22, he lives here in Huntsvegas, he's incredibly sweet, a gentleman, funny, kind, and an all-around wonderfully amazing guy. He respects me and likes me and pampers me (woohoo!), and he loves to make me smile. He posted a blog on his MySpace profile that said I am the "best person in the world." And he's equally great. He makes me happy. I feel safe and comfortable and just plain right when I'm with him. I don't have to worry about him taking advantage of me or pushing too far, and we have a mutual friend who just can't get over the fact that he liked me from the start. He says I'm amazing, and we have a million little things in common. Well, big things, too. Things like eggnog, strawberries, vanilla, pizza, movies, music, children, relationships... The list goes on. He's Steve, and I'm so glad we're together! We'll see how things progress, but I anticipate a happy and quite possibly lengthy relationship.

And for those of you who are wondering about Ryan, we still email, we still talk (no, he doesn't know about Steve), but we're friends. Until he indicates that he's interested in anything more than that, we're going to leave things as they are. I refuse to complicate issues that should really be so simple.

Oh, and Mom, thanks so very much for doing my laundry!!! I love you! And I love you, too, Daddy! I know you'll like Steve. *They're going to meet him on the night of the play. If you want to know more, email me, message me, or leave a comment and I'll get back to you. Lots of love! Mwah!

Such a Lov-ely Day

Well, hasn't it been FOREVER?! I know y'all have all missed me soo much, so I figured I'd just drop on in and let y'all know what's going on my little life. First off, I got cast in a play. It's called Playhouse Creatures, set in the Restoration period. I'm an old woman, one of five women in the play. This will be my very first performance on stage, so I'm really looking forward to it. I'll get to use a British accent! We go up on November the 16th.

I'm still the house mother, and I'm the leader of our Astronomy study group for my class. That's always interesting. I love working with some of the kids, but others really get on my nerves. We're meeting tonight. Did everyone remember to change their clocks back?

I've been emailing and IMing people left and right. Yay!

I chaperoned a high school dance last night. It made me feel really really old. :(

We finally finished the costumes for 12th Night! Yay! We were all really worried about that. That's a huge burden off my shoulders. Kris had to help me finish the dress I was working on, but we finished. I was very proud of myself, especially since I did a lot of the work (most, in fact) by myself.

I went to a classic car show yesterday, too. Devin, the guy who I went to support, got an award! Yay! He restored a 1969 Mustang. It's gorgeous! Bright red. He's going to give me a ride when it's registered and legal and all that. He won "The Car We'd Most Like to Steal" award. Hehe.

Other than that, I went to a Scholarship Luncheon on Friday and had a wonderful time speaking with Dr. Cording and Mr. DeCastro, as well as Mrs. Cording and the other scholarship recipients. Intelligent conversation of that caliber was stimulating and oh-so-interesting.

Well, ladies and gents, I'm off. I have some lines to memorize. Later, taters! Mwah!

I like...

Getting dressed up all pretty, singing in the shower, drinking coffee, IMing people, hearing from old friends, being sent back to bed :p, people telling me I look beautiful, having plans, being able to drive, have friends, making music, playing music, singing in my room, playing with my hair, doing my make-up, and not having plans. Contradictory, no? Allow me to explain. I have Gala this afternoon from 430 to 745, then a concert in which a housemate is playing and some others are singing. That should be over around 930. After that, though, I have no plans, unless you count chilling out and watching a movie counts as "plans". That's incredibly tentative. Today's been a very relaxed day. But things will pick up shortly. I have to do some minor adjustments on my hair, get dressed, and go get in the Hobbit and drive to the theatre. (The Hobbit is my car, for those of you who missed that particular tidbit.) Then to the concert for Mario, Tara, and Bethany, then back here for a change and a movie. Then sleep! I don't really have any homework, but I have some sewing projects, so that's what I'll do after church tomorrow. Oh, and I like diamonds. And nail polish. And high-heels. And rings. Actually, all jewelry. And shoes. And horses. And pie... Hehe. Ok, I'm off. Hair repair! Love y'all! Oh, and very awesome music!!!

Big Brother...

So, it's October!!! Yay!!! Happy belated birthday to my brother (not like he ever reads this). He's 21. Getting old. I'm very proud of him. He's my big bubba, for cryin' out loud. I love him ever so much. I don't tell him nearly enough. But he's so awesome. I don't know what I'd do without him. He's one of my closest friends, though we don't really talk all that much, and I trust him with everything. He's a gentleman, and friendly, great with people of all ages, a genuinely wonderful person. I miss him when I'm at school. That's one of the reasons I'm so glad for cell phones. I can call him for free and talk to him whenever he's not busy or I'm not busy, and we don't have to say much. We have that sibling connection. I just talked to him, actually. He's driving the limos today. Both of them. The H2 this afternoon and the Chrysler this evening. Which is so incredibly awesome. I know when you think "limo driver" you don't normally think "so cool", but with Derek, it most definitely is. And he's a very well-rounded person, so he likes a lot of the same stuff as me, despite the fact that I'm the "nerd" and like odd things. And he's very entertaining, with just enough silly boyishness to keep everybody laughing. I'm the ultimate defender of his honor and reputation, though the battles for him are few and far between. Anyway, I was feelin' the love this morning, so I thought I'd post. I'm still alive. And staying here this weekend. My uncle's wedding is next weekend, so I'll go home then. I'll have to buy gas, and I still haven't gotten my paycheck, so maybe I'll be better off next week. Well, I'm talking to Ryan and Mark, so I'm off! Love y'all!

So, it Tuesday. It's been a week and a few days since my last post, and things are wonderful!!! I feel much better, and am well over the cold I had. I talked to Mom today (well, listened to her talk, mostly, but I loved it just the same) about life and such. She's fine. She's getting better, too. She was sick last week and over the weekend. Derek called me, too. I think the only person I haven't talked to is Dad... I tried to call, but no answer. (Update: he called me back.)

Mark requested that I update, so I am. :p

For those of you who don't know, I have a friend in the Army named Ryan. He's the older brother of a dear friend. And he's already become a very dear friend himself. Anyway, he's stationed temporarily where he can access MSN, so we talk almost every day in IM. It's quite wonderful. And because we have so much in common, we never run out of things to say! Lol. Go figure. He makes me happy. From what I can tell, he likes talking to me, too. So I'm very happy right now. He'd better be in bed right now. It's still early in the morning where he's at. I'll be in bed before too long. Homework first, then bed.

Oh, I have a new Avon lady. It's my suitemate, actually. She's very sweet, and she feeds me, which is always good. Ya know, everyone feeds me. It's like they like for me to taste their creations or something. But I don't mind at all. ;)

I'm having to work later this week, but it's not as bad as we first thought, so that's good. I can actually still have a life.

Well, there's the latest. I'm happy, very busy, and planning a ton of little projects. We'll see how they go! I'm off! Love y'all!

Blast from the Past

Ok, so it's Sunday, and I know I should be in church right now, but I'm still not over this blasted cold/illness that's had me down for the past few days. So I'm being courteous and not spreading my germs to a hundred innocent people. Besides, I'm not feeling so hot, just felt I needed to report this.

I get a phone call around 10 this morning from an old friend from high school. His name's Joe, and my parents never really approved of him, but I think he's pretty cool. Anyway, he just came across my number, apparently, and decided to call me up. We talked, caught up on life and whatnot, and then said goodbye after about a 30 minute conversation. It's the weekend--my minutes are unlimited. Come to find out, he has a Cingular cell phone, which is what I have, so I told him to give me a call whenever since it's free and all. So I expect to hear from pretty often now. We'll see.

I went to the animal shelter yesterday for community service (I wasn't going to go because I'm sick, but I was feeling really good yesterday morning) and fell in love with all of the animals there! Some of them are SO ADORABLE!!! I would've gone broke for sure if we were allowed pets in the dorm. I found about 4 I would've loved to have. 2 dogs and 2 cats.

At one point in the day, I slipped and fell on the wet concrete. I was wearing flip-flops, and it was my own carelessness, really, so it's no big deal. But I think I hit the fence with my toe, because there's a bruise and a little hole on my big toe, left foot. I boiled it out with peroxide (no white bubbles showed up), cleaned it with alcohol, and put neosporin on it with a band aid. That stayed on until I went to bed, and now it doesn't hurt at all. The bruise hasn't gotten any bigger, and there's no swelling, inflammation, or redness (other than the bruise, which is a pinkish color, rather than purple or blue, which should show up in a couple of days), so I'm fine. It was just unexpected.

Alright, back to bed for this one. I'll talk to y'all soon! Oh, please send up a special prayer for Ryan. He was supposed to email me back yesterday and I still haven't heard from him. I'm a little worried, but no news is good news, I guess. Love y'all!

[Today's Date Here]

Sooo... I have a ton of stuff to talk about, but no inclination to type it all out. Suffice to say that everything is fine, I'm a little mixed up about some stuff going on in my head, and I'm extremely busy. I have a job that I love at the costume shop in the theatre, I have awesome friends, I love my life as it is right now (except for a few miniscule things), and everything not going my way is gravy.

I talked to Drew today. Nothing new, nothing particularly interesting, just wanted to make sure he was still ok.

I got an email from Ryan the other day. He's fine, but had a close call a few days back.

Those are pretty much the only notable things...

Oh, last Saturday I got to climb to the very top of a huge stack of hay! That was pretty awesome.

And the Saturday before that I fell off of a horse. That makes for a very interesting story, but it's much better in person, so I'll tell everyone when they come and see me. :p

We also went on a mission trip to downtown Houston. That was a blessing, and very full of little miracles. Good stuff.

Let's see... I got a refund from the university. That was pretty cool. We had a study group today for Astronomy, and I felt like a teacher, but not on any sort of upper level. They had a hard time grasping concepts. Thankfully, I reinforced my own knowledge by teaching them. I only wish I had a source to back me up. I get unsure of myself occasionally and it's hard to teach with confidence when I don't know that I'm absolutely right.

My hands smell like spaghetti.

That is all.

Channel 13

Hello all! As per my father's request, I am posting! Woo!

Here's the latest from PAM Channel 13 College News. I've officially started class, and I'm going to really love all of them. My math class is going to be incredibly slow, but fun anyway, my astronomy class is interesting if for no other reason than the planets are being reclassified, my acting class promises to be rather challenging, production will be entertaining, and computer science will be a breeze. I start labs on Monday. That'll be cool because the TA is a guy who lives in the dorm. Work is pretty fun, and it's going to be very busy. We have quite a few shows going up this semester. I might post a schedule at a later date.

The weekend is finally here! This first week was exhausting. But I'm having a blast. I'm not worried about being an RA so much anymore because Spivey promises to be very fun. "My guys" keep me entertained, safe, happy, and comfortable. The group is an amoeba, and I'm not the only girl most of the time. It's never really a constant, either. It's a lot of fun.

I have an especially close friend named Devin who lives down the hall. He has a girlfriend, so it's nothing like that, but we talk about EVERYTHING. He's a great friend, and we have about a zillion things to keep us conversationally occupied. He also likes to pick me up and carry me. He's even sweet enough to let me steal his super-comfy slippers when my feet are cold! Hehe. He's quickly becoming close. He's supportive and thinks my odd quirks are funny, so we keep each other entertained. Hayleigh, his girlfriend, knows about me, though I don't know how much he actually says about me. She's very cute and, as far as I can tell, a wonderfully sweet person. He's happy with her, and thinks he'll marry her. Too bad there aren't two Devins in my world.

Other than that, Ryan's been terribly busy, so I haven't been hearing from him as much. He's supposed to get a few days off soon, so he'll be able to write and talk to me and stuff. Can't wait! I miss our conversations.

I saw "Grand Canyon" tonight at the theatre. It was written by one of our students here, and it's actually really good. I was impressed.

Today was a bad day. I didn't get much sleep last night for various reasons, one of which being I had unfinished homework, I had to work up at 7 to get ready to get boxes from Wal-Mart for the costume shop to finish packing up things, I had class from 9-12, then took a very short nap, had some lunch, and went to work, went to a meeting at 5:15 (right after work), went to take care of some things with Luker, then went to the play. I got home and saw that my blog window was still open and decided to finish this post...which I've been working on for about 2 days now.

Things are better, though. I'm hanging out with DJ tomorrow, and then there's an honors party Sunday night, so that should be fun. I'm seriously looking forward to a good night's sleep. I haven't had one of those in a very loooong time...

G'night.

Oh, yeah, there was a really cute guy sitting on a bench on campus today in a cowboy hat... Pretty blue eyes, tall, slim, adorable. I am such a lost cause.

Choice

Images behind my eyes
Scenes I can't erase
Life past and present
Hope for the future
Chaos or bliss
The choice is mine
No turning back
I can't forget the sight
That burning memory

Peace meets war
On a field too large
The battle begins
There is no way out
We must choose
What all have faced
Loyalty or love
Both is not an option
Or is it?

I would never take him
He is yours first
A brother, but more
I fall forever
You only adjust
I know I can never
Choose

Jealousy
Jealously
We pull
We fight
Battle with those
Dark caves of
Forbidden dreams
Lost in the night

Up

Well, I was right! Today is indeed better! I got an email this morning from my "missing" buddy. As it turns out, we were suffering some technical difficulties. Hopefully they're all resolved now. Woohoo! In other news, I have a splinter. And some chores left to do. Including cleaning my room... Never good. If I'm not back soon, somebody come dig me out.

One of those days

Do you know what’s aggravating? My parents. I have to be so careful not to argue with Dad because Mom freaks out, and I have to be careful not to argue with Mom because it makes Dad irritable. It’s so frustrating! I can’t express any opinion, even a valid one, in a discussion, because they don’t see me as a competent adult. To them, I’m a child. Irresponsible, naïve, ignorant, and incapable of logical thought. They have no idea what goes on in my head. Mom thinks she knows everything I’m thinking because apparently my face always tells her I hate her or some similar hogwash, and Dad doesn’t know how to compromise or have a discussion if I’m against his opinion. He turns it into this sit-there-and-yell-at-Pam crap that I get so tired of. And yes, I know they read this. And I’ll probably get in trouble, but this has been building up for a while, and I’m sure it will blow over. Everything else does. I only have 15 days left here. I’m 19 years old. They could let me grow up some. That’s why I’ll be so glad to go back to school. I’ll be away from their oppressive stunting. Don’t get me wrong, they’re wonderful parents and did a fantastic job raising us, but they can’t let go. Grandpa and I had that discussion the other day. He says they don’t know how yet. He had to learn as a parent and finds it’s much easier as a grandparent. He’s great at listening and being supportive, and, though he’s not Mema, he’s wonderful.

I miss her. So much. I need her to talk to, to tell me everything will work out and it’s ok to cry. To help me grow up and help my parents let me grow up. I’m finally crying for her. Oh, how I miss her. Who do I turn to now? Someone who won’t judge, who loves me unconditionally, with a woman’s point of view and that wisdom that comes with experience. Someone to just talk to. Where can somebody find a friend like that?

Ryan’s kind of like that—an older, wiser friend who listens and talks, but Ryan hasn’t written in about a week. I have no idea why. He writes to his sister, and he may just be demonstrating to her that she is more important to him than I am, which is fine, especially since I’ve been worried about her being jealous or not being able to accept our friendship. I just miss our conversations. I miss him. I can’t talk to him about some things, obviously, but I’ve found a kindred spirit in him. Someone I don’t have to teach and lead and be an example for. I don’t think I have very many friends like that. Not that I’m so close to, anyway.

The good news for the day is that I fit in my “skinny” jeans.

Today is one of those days. Nothing is quite as sunny as you woke up hoping it would be. Maybe tomorrow will be better. It can only go up from here.