Football

Well, our first flag football game was... interesting. It was last Sunday at 7. We lost. 16-0. But it was fun, and that's all that counts. I ran into Chas and bruised me ankle and sprained his wrist. But he's ok. Over all, I'm having a great time. My roommate is a little trying at times, but we usually get along just fine. I have some homework to do, like English, History, Science... all of my classes, actually. I have a paper due for English next Wednesday, a History test Thursday, a Science test Friday, and a scene due Monday. Lots of fun. But I'm making it. This is a really cool poem I got from Mark called New School Prayer.

Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.

If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.

Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That’s no offense; it’s a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.

For praying in a public hail
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God’s name is prohibited by the state.

We’re allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They’ve outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.

We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It’s "inappropriate" to teach right from wrong,
We’re taught that such "judgments" do not belong.

We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.

It’s scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school’s a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; my soul please take!
Amen.

Well, love and hugs to all!

URGENT!!!

Sure Fire (aka Heath) is in trouble. The folks in charge found his site and thought it was inappropriate due to (in their opinion) SF being racist, sexist, and an extremist. Now, those of you who know SF are well aware of the fact that this is completely untrue. Please take the time to visit and tell the military eyes watching just what the truth is and SF that we're behind him all the way. Pray for him, that this would pass. We're talking serious problems. Possible discharge from the Army (the job he loves more than anything), public humiliation, a search of his personal quarters, and much more could be the end result of this. He's distraught over this and needs our love, concern, support, and prayers. So help. This is our turn to return the favors of times past and ensure a continued friendship in times to come. Thank you in advance for your cooperation and aid.

We love you Sure Fire! Pass the Brass!!!

Character Sketches

And so I continue my off-location posts. :p At the beginning on this particular composition, I'm sitting (actually laying) on the floor in the lobby of my dorm watching my housemates play Mutants and Masterminds, an RPG somewhere along the lines of Dungeons and Dragons. These people are so incredibly unique that I'm in awe at their personalities. They mesh incredibly well. But they are, for the most part, old friends. I'm entertained at the very least. But allow me to introduce my subjects. My setting will change over the course of this post, so I won't bother to specify. Suffice it to say that I'm trying to encompass all of the people with which I interact from my house on a regular basis.

To being with, there's Josh. He's a wiry guy with long hair. He has diabetes and is currently playing narrator. Josh is the house masseuse on part-time duty. He's very much a great guy, very friendly, and incredibly kind. He lets me give him his shots. That's pretty cool, lemme tell ya. Josh is a biology major. He's been in the house for a few years and likes it as far as I know. I don't really know how else to describe Josh except that he is incredibly caring. He always says "hi" and waves when he sees me. He offers to share with me if he's eating something and is always willing to lend an ear if I need to talk. I think it's safe to say that everyone in the house knows Josh. Which is impressive, all things considered. Josh and Dave are roommates. They both love comic books and comic book characters. Josh's favorite is Batman. For Halloween we're going as Batman villains. I'll get back to y'all with a final list. Josh is a mix between JP and Chas as far as actual talking goes, but they all have a unique spin on life.

David and Regina could almost be described together. They are an item. They both act in the Renaissance Festival every year. David, whom we call Dave is a large individual, about 6'2", 300#s or thereabouts. Dave's favorite comic book character is The Hulk. Regina, or Gina, is about 5'2", a little over 100#s. They make a great couple. It's really neat to see them together because they dote on each other. And you can see the camaraderie and love between them. It's not extreme or gross at all, just sweet.

Steven is our house pet. He "lives" under the stairs. We call him our under-the-stairs troll. I made him a curtain for his little cubby-hole under the stairs. He's from New Jersey but moved to Texas before he started college. He has red hair and is about 5'7". Steven is a very cool guy. He doesn't actually live in Spivey, just visits every day. He goes home at anywhere from 11 to 2 at night. But no one begrudges Steven his home away from home. We accept him and welcome him. Everyone jokes that they've been trying to get rid of him for 2 years and nobody's succeeded yet. But we love you Steven!

Chas is the resident "Mexican". He's 6'3" and only about 150#s. He's broken 19 bones, some twice. He's thinner than Josh. He's got short black hair that he spends 30 minutes on every morning. He does the robot surprisingly well and is very entertaining. Chas and Josh are on the same lines as far as being friendly to everyone, but Chas is quite a bit more vocal. Which is really funny considering his roommate is JP (see below). Chas is comparable to Donkey from the Shrek movies. He randomly bursts out in song and sound effects. But he's funny. His bed is the softest of any of ours. He has this great mattress pad. Hehe. I know this because I perch on his bunk (the top) when I'm in their room studying or just hanging out. I'll either sit there or on the floor. That room is so much more welcoming than mine. It appeals to the darker side of my tastes. Just in general. From the arrangement and decoration. But the door is always open, if not literally then figuratively. Chas is very big on hugs, as is Dave. This, of course, doesn't bother me at all. It was actually a relief to find someone to whom I can relate. The running joke: "Do ya want to cuddle?"

Then there's Nicole. She's a very sweet girl who jokes around and is sarcastic more often than not. She's short, about my height, and quite a bit more voluptuous than I am. She has brown shoulder-length hair and a very sweet smile.

Keith is our homosexual resident. He has a boyfriend named Noah and is about as feminine as I am. He's friendly and our interactions are never awkward. He's a nice guy and not someone I feel threatened by at all. I don't agree with his sexual orientation, but it's not my place to judge or condemn.

Now JP is a very intriguing case. He was quiet for the first three weeks. I didn't hear him talk very often, and when I did he was very soft-spoken. After this past weekend he's not so quiet anymore. Nothing specifically happened, but Saturday, as I was hanging out in the lobby, he came down and just started talking. About nothing in particular, just conversation. That evening he asked if I'd be home for Trivial Pursuit. I informed him that I wouldn't be back from Gala until about 11. He said they still might be playing when I returned and invited me to play. He was sitting outside with Nicole when I got back and asked if I was going to play. I said yes, and we all sat down and played. JP and I were a team (because I was losing miserably and JP doesn't know much about sports), Steven and Chas were a team, Nicole was by herself, and Josh read the questions. (JP and I won by a single piece of pie.) He has been very open since then. We actually talked yesterday and he interacted with everyone more than he ever has with me in the room. Then he came to check on me last night after Jessalyn's tantrum. I think, no, I know we're making progress. He's about 5'7" with brown hair.

On to those who don't play the RPGs. Jessalyn, my roommate, is unpredictable and almost a trial to live with, but I'm making it. Communication is the key, and I know this, so we'll be fine for the year at the very least.

Heather, one of my suitemates, is awesome. She has diabetes and is from Louisiana. Her house lost a few shingles in the hurricane, but her family is perfectly fine and in good spirits. She's our house comedian. Extremely funny and very nice. She's very blunt, but seldom to the point of insult. She's quite a character. And she's a very good friend.

Lisa is my other suitemate. I call her Colorado because that's where she's from. She has a red car and loves for things to match her car. She's very sweet but a little confused about guys and relationships right now. She'll get it sorted out, I'm sure. She's quite an athlete. She has rotator cuff problems (both sides), but gets shots to help make them feel better every three months or so. She really needs the surgery, but she might join the military and doesn't want that on her record.

Jessica is another close friend. She's in the marching band and is a wonderful person. She's a ball of tight energy with lots of potential rage inside. She is very intense, but is super sweet and a really great person. She reminds me of my old drum major Maria. Yeah, she's like that. I can't really describe her any differently. You'd have to meet her or know Maria.

Stacy is her roommate and the sweetest, quietest, kindest person at my age I've ever had the privilege of meeting. Stacy is pretty much angelic. Hehe. She may not think so, but I think she's precious. I'm still amazed at her patience and sense of humor. It takes a whole lot to ruffle her feathers. She was born in India and is Pentecostal. Stacy, Lisa, and I went to the Assembly of God church together yesterday. It was very neat, and quite an experience. We're still "church shopping" for the time being, though.

Ashton, Ashley, Cheyenne, Stephanie, Amy, Darcy, Karen, and April are all fellow Spiveyans. They are, for the most part, the people I talk to. I also know Bobby, Brandon, Grant, Morgan, Todd (sort of), and Victor (whom I've never actually spoken to). There's another guy named Jonathan in the marching band who lives right across the hall with Victor. That's pretty much everybody I can think of right now.

So now you can see what sort of people I deal with and hopefully you won't be completely lost when I mention names. Hopefully. Well, that was the "character sketch" I promised, so I'm off to write a paper now. Toodles! Love and hugs!

Interesting Conclusion

Good morning! Here's the deal. I am extremely blessed in my friends. Allow me to explain. Last night my roommate came in at about midnight. I was up doing some reading for English (almost finished, just a few chapters left). I had propped the door open to our room because 1) it was cold and that helps warm things up, and 2) I hate the idea that our room is closed off. I had been downstairs off and on all day, but propped the door open later in the evening, after football practice. No biggie, right? That's what I thought, too. As it turns out, she's had this absolutely terrible weekend. The door propped open is the icing on the cake. So she gets mad and slams the door/let's the door swing closed on it's own weight (which slams).

I didn't think anything of it sitting downstairs in the lobby talking to people. Suddenly, Josh and JP come down and ask me if everything's alright with Jessalyn. I tell them I don't know, and they explain that she slammed the door acting all mad. So I go upstairs and smooth things out. That's not really a big deal after she reveals that she's not mad at me, just doesn't want the door left open (which probably should've been communicated earlier, but whatever). So I tell her I won't leave it open anymore when I'm not in the room (a better idea anyway, as it is college) and she proceeds to tell me about her very bad weekend. And yes, it's very much worth stressing over, so I don't begrudge her that.

In the midst of her story, we hear a knock on the door. We call "open" and JP sticks his head inside and asks if he can see me in the hall for a second. I go, of course, and he asks me what's wrong, and Josh comes up as well. They both make sure that she's ok, and everything's cool now. And that I'm ok. Which really made me feel great. Their concern really boosted my spirits.

Later that night, I was finishing up my reading down in the lobby and David comes up to me and asks the same thing. I reassure him that everything's fine. Just the fact that they told him what was happening made me feel so much better about living here. I love my dorm!

I finally finished my reading and went to bed. So yay! An interesting way to end the day, I'm sure.

Now I'm off to class. I need to eat breakfast and finish getting ready. I just wanted to share that while it was fresh on my mind. I'll give some rough character sketches soon of the people I interact with just so everyone can have an idea of what life in the honors dorm is like. Love and hugs!

Pam's Sunday

Good morning everybody! I have news. Both sad and happy. First, the sad. Bill Stovall, a good friend of ours passed away last night. He's been having lung trouble for over two years now. He's in a much better place. Our prayers go out to his wife and children (all adults) and grandchildren. His sons weren't the best, but I'm sure they loved him.

Good news: I got a new Bible! It's green (my favorite color) and a KJV. It's actually a pocket Bible, but I love it so far. The references aren't as great as in my old Bible, but I'm still enjoying exploring it.

Last night was Gala. Gala is our scholarship benefit variety show for the theater and dance programs. I had fun. I was working the silent auction, but the auction ended about 25 minutes after my shift began, so I shifted responsibilities. Instead of talking up the items, we guarded them and then distributed them upon payment. So I got to take money from patrons. Fun fun! Some of the stuff was SOO awesome! But it was also semi-expensive, so I didn't get anything. I thought of Mom when I saw a turquoise purse and some hand-crafted jewelry. But the jewelry was a bit steep and I didn't see the purse until the bidding was closed. Oh well. It was a good experience. We struck the set right after, so I didn't get home until 11-is. But it was perfectly alright. I went to bed pretty quickly, so it's all gravy.

There are Hummers in Huntsville! Real Army Humvees! Camouflage and everything! I was pumped! They're in a little fenced-in area down the road. You know, you could hop the fence, hot-wire a humvee, then run through the gates... Hehe. I bet gas-mileage isn't good enough for all of that.

I went to an Assembly of God church this morning with Stacy and Lisa. It was a learning experience. The next Sunday I'm here we're going to do some more church-hopping, but to Baptist this time. We went to Fellowship Baptist Sunday before last. Last weekend was the cow sale.

Well, now it's lunch time and then homework. Jessica wants to go to a movie today, but I don't know if we're still on for that. We'll see. Talk to y'all later! Love and hugs!

Night-time at College

We played football tonight. Lots of fun. We lost, but it was still pretty cool. 4 on 4. 3 girls. I was told that I am a "stud". So...

Every evening there's something going on in the dorm or around campus. We played Trivial Pursuit last night. We play tag on a regular basis. Paper, Rock, Scissors is our favorite pastime after video games. We're even planning a themed Halloween costume set-up. I'm going to be Poison Ivy. DC Comic Villains. Yeah, we're nerds. But I'm content. I've found a whole building full of friends and I love it!

Today was pretty uneventful over all, but Jessalyn came home. She's excited about her guy. He seems really sweet. And rich, so she's happy. Lol. But seriously, she really likes him. And I'm glad she's happy. She still talks up a storm and comes in at all hours, but I'm tolerant and can handle it. No problem.

I still have some reading to do for English then I'm off to bed, so I'll talk to y'all later! Love and hugs.

Weekend of the Spatula

Hey everybody!!! Yesterday (Saturday, Sept. 3rd) my family and I went to a cow sale in Lockhart, Texas. Lots of fun, old friends, new pals, and good food. What's really funny is that on Thursday I got a fortune from a cookie that read "You will meet old friends soon." And I did! Hehe. But back to the weekend.

We left here (Sam Houston State U) at about 4 PM on Friday. We got to Lockhart at about 7 PM that same day. We had to stop at Wal-Mart in Brenham to get socks, but other than that it was a straight shot. We arrived in the middle of the heifer sale. This is the first year we had a sale of the sort, so it was interesting. I went around and said hi to the people sitting on the outskirts and my parents, since I hadn't seen them in almost two weeks. I then went to the back to see my two friends. Makayla is 13, about 4' 10", and about as big around as a number 2 pencil. She's a sweetheart, and LOVES animals. She and I love to ride horses and play with the goats and talk about cows and girl stuff. Then I spoke to Mikey. He's 15, and taller than I am. About 5' 8" or so. I love to talk to him. He knows all sorts of stuff about world news and has valid points and opinions, but loves video games and guns about as much as me. Very cool. We talked for a few minutes then I went in and ate some great fajitas and cookies. After the sale, we went around and said hi to everyone we hadn't already seen. Most of the people who participate know us very well, so there weren't very many introductions. I did meet Gayle and Theo, as well as Craig that night. We went to the motel and chilled for a while before falling asleep at about midnight. Well, I went to sleep at midnight. Derek and Brandy went to sleep at about 2. They had been watching a movie.

Saturday morning we woke up and got ready at about 7:30. I went to Mom and Dad's room to talk to Mom for a while before Derek and Brandy woke up. (To clarify, Derek had his won bed and Brandy and I shared the second bed in our room. Mom and Dad were by themselves.) Dad was already gone, but returned before too long to change. We were all up and ready by then, so we all went over to the sale barn, which is only a hop, skip, and a jump away. Actually, it's across the air strip.

After saying good morning to all of our friends, Makayla and I started riding horses. She rides Blue, her 22-year-old horse. I rode Star, a recent addition to the family. We had a lot of fun putting them through their paces in the big empty field next door to the sale barn. That was actually the first time I've ever ridden a horse at a gallop and felt fully in control for more than two seconds.

The sale began at about 12:30, half an hour later than planned. The food was late. But it was good, that's for sure. We started the sale with several donated items that went to the sale fund. We don't charge for food and we don't charge a commission, so we have to make money however we can. Our cows came up. The first sold for $1,300. The second sold for $900 (my brother's cow). My cow sold for $1,200. The fourth and fifth cows sold for $1,200 and $900. Overall, some would say it wasn't a bad day, but we were expecting SO much more. There was a note in the comments and the "auctioneer's assistant" explained that it was for our college funds, but I guess it wasn't a big deal. Gayle and Theo bought my cow. She'll have a good home.

After the sale I met Jared from Minnesota. He was pretty cool. We talked about the differences in our climates and the "joys" of the cow business. I then went to find Makayla. We rode horses again. It started to rain, so we took off for shelter, then decided it didn't really matter. We were both hot and sweaty anyway, and the rain felt wonderful. It did start pouring for as few minutes, so we sound a shed and dismounted. After chilling for a few minutes before the rain quit, we remounted. As I did, my pants stretched at just the right place... and they split. Right down the front. Terrible feeling. So Makayla rode over to Derek and got the car keys, we rode out to the car, I tossed Makayla my reins, and drove over the the motel to change pants. I had an extra pair, fortunately, so I got back in a few minutes and got back on. This time, I used a little more precaution and got up on the side of the trailer first, then stepped down into the stirrups. We rode from the back of the barn to the front door, at which point my parents informed me it was time to go. So I took Star back to the pen, told Makayla a quick goodbye, and went to the truck. When I realized I wouldn't see her again before we left, I was a little upset, but she knows how to reach me. Yay for email!

We had Chinese food for dinner. Good stuff. Shrimp, egg rolls, fried rice, and fortune cookies. I don't remember what mine said. Sorry guys. We went back to the motel and changed into out swimsuits. We swam for about an hour and a half, doing all sorts of things from racing to dunking to jumping to throwing each other up in the air in cheerleader fashion. Brandy did a full backflip, but she's a cheerleader. I was honestly very impressed with my own back dive. Derek, Dad, and Brandy were all surprised that I actually pulled it off. I wasn't surprised exactly... just incredibly pumped.

We left this morning at about 7:30. About an hour down the road, we stopped for breakfast. McDonalds!!! After another 15 miles, the car started acting up. We were in separate vehicles. Dad took his truck on Thursday to haul the cows. He took 4 home (1 is ours, 3 belong to a friend). So Derek, Brandy, and I followed on Friday in Mom's car. So the radiator's seriously screwed up. They put water in it and left it at a store about 2 miles down from where we stopped. Dad will go get it tomorrow. Lots of fun, I'm sure. I just hope they can get it fixed. So we crammed into the truck (yeah, right, the truck's HUGE) and rode the rest of the way back (another hour and a half) to school. They dropped me off and then continued on their way at about 10:30 this morning.

So, that was my oh-so-exciting weekend. We got some money, but not a whole lot. Prayerfully it'll be enough to get us through school for a while. But we'll see. He hasn't failed us yet, so I don't doubt Him now. Other than that, life is great. I'm going to drop my dance class (Jazz 3, WAAAAAAY too advanced) and hopefully get into a lower level class. Hope everybody had a great week and weekend! Sleep LAAAAAAAAAATE tomorrow! Talk to y'all soon! Love and hugs!

As Promised

Well, news, news, and more news. Heathykins knew this was coming, so I'm so sure he was holding his breath. Lol.

Dad reads my blog. I knew this, but it didn't quite register when I posted. So, big shocker, I IMed him last night to tell him about buying my new computer (which he wasn't too happy about) and he told me this: "I've always told you the truth, so I read your blog. Don't follow your hormones. Follow your heart and let God lead you in any new relationships and whatever you do at school. Focus on classes first." That was actually my paraphrasing, because I can't quote it word for word, but I really almost cried when I read that. I felt so much better!

I talked to him today. Greg, the guy from the previous post. I told him that he could hate me and I would understand, but that I just want to be friends. He said ok and hung up. He called me back a few minutes later and asked me if I was serious about being friends or if it was just a "cop out". I told him that I was serious. So we discussed how we were gonna handle this and talked for a while just like before, and we're cool now. I feel SO much better! Thanks for your advice, guys and gals. So I have a new friend and no relationship. And now I know to be straightforward at the very beginning about where I stand on what I'm looking for in a guy. Right now, that's nothing serious.

So I'm good. Yay! Classes are going great, life is pretty much on track, and, with the exception of our mirror falling off of the door at 4 in the morning, life is just wonderful. I realized last night that I LOVE to draw. I drew a little Chinese village and it was pronounced as "awesome" by our house artist. I drew a dragon that "rocks", also according to the house artist. Jessica is her name, btw. My roommate and I are getting along and my suite-mates and house-mates are so TOTALLY GREAT!!! Anyway, I appreciate thoughts and prayers. Love and hugs!

The Truth

Ok, here I am, spilling my guts. Honest. And I need advice. Quick. There's this guy. We met and hit it off last Monday and saw each other the next day and the next, etc., and then again today. And yeah, we kissed, but nothing else. But I don't know what to do about this. I don't feel comfortable with the relationship. I can talk to him about anything, more so than any other guy, but I don't feel like we should be anything more than friends. He's supportive and sweet and friendly and a theatre major, like me. But he's mixed. And he's kinda chunky. And his voice is higher than mine. Shouldn't I be blind to any flaws in an ideal relationship? My gut instinct is to say "no" to the whole situation and run. I'm not comfortable and I'm not at peace. But I don't want to lose something so great that is his infatuation with me. I feel accepted and beautiful with him. But I don't know if I want to be seen with him. I know that sounds terrible, but I'm trying to be as straight-forward as possible. Mixed, for those of you who need clarification, means that one parent is white and the other is black. In this case, his mom is Irish-Indian and his dad is 3/4 black and 1/4 Mexican. With my own personal standards and views, I don't honestly feel comfortable as his "attachment". For whatever reason. I'm not racist by any means, but racial mixing... I really don't know what to do. I'm confused, overwhelmed, and very uneasy about everything right now. I'm SOOO not ready for this. So, help? Advice? Tips, ideas, suggestions, or previous experiences? I'm lost and I don't know where else to turn. I know, sob story of the month, but I'm lost. I'm almost in tears. I told him I want to take the weekend off and he SAID he was cool with it, but he's a guy. So that prolly means he's not cool with it. 'Nough said. I'm not ready for this, I'm not read for any commitment outside of classes and friends and sleep. I'm going to bed now after some thought and prayer. This weekend will be my time to just be. I haven't "been" since I got here. Man, this is so screwed up. What now?

Distracted...

Hey all! How's it goin' in the world of the normal? My life is pretty peachy right now. Acting I is going to be so much fun! English is really awesome because we get to have group discussions. Science is dominantly geology for the semester. Yay, right? I'm gonna have to take serious notes for the science class. But that's ok. I don't have to buy a lab manual after all, so that's cool. I still need 6 novels for English, but I'll order those online. I have the first one I need, so I'm pretty much all set for now. Don't know about history, but that'll fix itself tomorrow.

Being a theater major is a lot more complicated than I thought it would be. I have to audition for every production and deliver a monologue. Which I don't have. And I have to sign up for crew and hope I get the place I want. I didn't know it was going to b so involved and it's a little frustrating. I have meetings and auditions today and tomorrow. Fun fun. Might stay out late tonight cuz my first class isn't until 11 tomorrow. I guess I'll hang out with Greg, if he ever calls. Or maybe Lisa or Heather or April... Or maybe even DJ. Well, I'm slightly distracted and preoccupied, so excuse the shortness. Later all! Love and hugs.

COLLEGE!

Hey all! Word from tha COLLEGE GIRL!!! Hehe. I stayed up really late last night, had a fairly productive morning this morning, and plan on havaing some fun later tonight. Gonna maybe go back to my cousin's apartment and chill with her and her buds. Met my suitemates and housemates. All very cool, lemme tell ya. April, Colorado, Heather LA (Louisiana, not Los Angeles), and all of the crazy, eccentric, smart guys down the hall. Then there are the guys from the apartments accross campus, my friends from school, and so many more random people worth meeting... I don't know where I'm gonna find the time to meet all of these people! I'm so excited! I'm so glad to FINALLY be at college! Yay! Whoo, deep breath. I'm gonna order my own computer soon, but I think I'll wait until after I get the money from my cow. After the cow sale. Anywho, I'm super excited, all unpacked, and so happy! So, I'll talk to y'all later. Love and hugs to all!

Today's Anthem

Breakaway
Intro (2x)
Da da da n da da
Da da da n da da
Da da da n da da da da da
Da da da n da da
Da da da n da da
Da da da n da da da da da
Grew up in a small town And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be And if I'd end up happy
I would pray
Trying hard to reach out But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here But something felt so wrong here
So I'd pray, I could break away
CHORUS
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away
(repeat intro once)
Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane
Far away
And break away
(REPEAT CHORUS)
Bridge:
Buildings with a hundred floors,
Swinging 'round revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me
But I gotta keep movin on, movin on,
Fly away,
Break away
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
Take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness & into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.

D-Day

Today is the day! We're moving in! I'm SOO pumped! But I'm riding over there with Mom and I'm afraid she's gonna spaz on me about being careful and making right choices and all that jazz. I don't think I could handle her crying all of the way. Connie, her co-worker said yesterday that I need to be nice to her, that she's taking this really hard. And she is. Harder than she took my brother moving to college. What am I gonna do? Pray for me, that I'll have patience and strength and the courage to tell her how things are and not be rude or impolite. I'm worried just thinking about it...

College update

Hey all. My address, for those of you interested in reaching me via snail-mail, is:
Pam the Spatula
Box 44860 SHSU
Huntsville, TX 77341

I heard from my roommate. She seems pretty cool, very friendly. She's a junior, dance major, and in the honors program, like me. We're in the honors dorm, so that's kind of a given. She's bringing the TV, VCR, and DVD player, and I'm bringing the phone, fridge, radio, and shower cleaner. We'll pick out curtains when we both get there so we agree on colors, etc. I'm soo pumped!!! 3 days left!

Good One

You gotta love their humor.

In case you can't read it, the little black box says "DOING THE WORK OF"

This SHOULD be on the front cover of Time, Newsweek, etc. But it won't be. The flags are France, Germany, and Russia -- in case you didn't know.

I got this in an email and just HAD to share. Love and hugs!

Freedom

I've decided that I'm not really shallow but rather that there are things in my life I've learned not to dwell on if I want to be happy. Or at least appear happy to all who look at me and my behavior. But I really think about serious things of consequence quite often. Like how Mom is freaking out because I'm moving away to college. And Dad is really having some trouble with the cow stuff. And Derek has to decide what he wants to do with his life before he really knows what he wants. And Brandy is having a tough time facing college and allowing herself to have the love she deserves from Derek. Somehow I don't feel as shallow when I examine my thoughts, only my posts.

I'm sitting here watching the baby (18 months now, he's fine, btw, just allergic to penicillin) play with puzzle pieces in a bag. He's shaking them up and down with the happiest look on his face; he loves the fact that he's making all of that noise. Somehow it's more relaxing watching just him than watching his older brother, too. I guess 5 just isn't the calmest age.

I'm beginning to get really excited about college. And my poor stomach is feeling the effects. I'm absolutely pumped at the chance to get to really be myself to the utmost. In high school I was always restricted by what might get back to Mom and Dad or what image I was conveying in light of Derek's friend circle and popularity. I wasn't worried about being part of a particular group but rather being part of every group. I was and am confident in my ability to float from group to group and be welcome in each one. I was never proved wrong. But now, as I turn this page in my life I see the endless possibilities.

No longer am I to be bound by the worry of prejudices and judgment. I am dedicated to my own cause. I won't change or back down just because someone says so. And changing will be from personal growth, hopefully spherical in nature. I know I sound a little like a spoiled child, but I am in fact a growing young woman desiring the freedom meted out by our great country and demanded by my own soul. But don't worry; it's not in me to be completely and totally selfish.

The "real" me is a very silly, super-outgoing, sometimes loud, sometimes quiet little soul that very few have glimpsed so far. My orientation buddies have seen it, but only I know just how bizarre I can be. Fortunately, it's never so extreme that I can't laugh about any reactions that I would've presented in retrospect.

An interesting thought: if we wouldn't have been brought up to expect those rights and freedoms granted us by our constitution, would any of us be the brilliant minds to come up with the ideas and to demand allowance for them?

Here's an interesting and rather off the wall observation. Carl, the assistant band director either has a serious blushing problem, I embarrass him, or he likes me/thinks I'm pretty. I'm not brazen enough to ask outright, but I can't help but wonder. He doesn't do it with everybody. He did when he first started working here, but not anymore. Just around me. Sorry, that was just a random stream of consciousness.

I don't know when I've ever been this excited, except maybe when I started Kindergarten. But I already knew most of what they could teach me. College is like the information highway and school as just the on-ramp. Eventually I'll exit onto the feeder* of my profession and enter the residential district to raise a family. But I'll always have access to the things I've learned and things yet to be discovered.

I recently stated that God has given me direction, and while that's true, it's not what I always thought it would be. It's more like watching doors close and turning another direction rather than force the door. It's like a process of elimination. At least I'm at peace.

The burdens of my life somehow seem lifted, leaving me incredibly free and high-spirited. It's been a really long post and I hope it made you laugh at least once. And thank y'all for reading, though I can't quite figure out why y'all hang around. :D

*Feeder: the road that runs parallel to an interstate or major highway and immediately exits onto city streets.

Yaupon Trees

Do y'all remember a while back advising me to go out and just sit in the woods and calm my soul? Well, I did, in a way. I went out in search of a yaupon tree to make a bow out of. (Not a very useful venture.) I found a pretty little straight tree and cut it down with an axe I had borrowed from Dad's shed and proceeded to measure, trim, and “peel” it. I don't know how much experience y'all have with yaupon, but if you don't get all of the saturated wood off of the tree it turns this nice greenish-brown color. But it carves right off, just another layer of wood. Well, inside this little tree there were veins. I don't know what else to call them, and that's what they looked like. They're a rich brown color to contrast the pale cream color of the freshly carved wood. They start in various places and grow smaller as they proceed up the tree. But new veins start periodically just as big as the lower ones. I realized this after working on the first two layers for about 45 minutes. So I set to exposing these veins. I found two main ones and followed them up the tree. It was a painstaking process to carve out just enough to expose the richest color without removing the entire vein in each place. I actually went through too far in several spots and there are little half-centimeter gaps in the path. But it was very rewarding work. I set it in the rafters to dry and might go out and find a bigger one to work on next Saturday. I’m really glad I had that chance. It’s very cool to find hidden treasures in nature. Just thought that was worth mentioning. Love and hugs. Toodles y’all.

Smells and Labels

Scent is the strongest sense tied to memory. So, here are my faves: babies; fresh-cut grass; horses; guys (except for one or two I've met); men's cologne; vanilla; cape jasmine; gardenia; spearmint; lemon; roses; hot dogs; pickles; fresh tomatoes; rain; dirt; new cars; summer – heat, sweat, sunscreen, floaties, riding in the boat in the lake with the spray hitting my face, homemade ice cream, new flip-flops, watermelon, new bathing suits, sand, the ocean, food on the grill; crayons; sunflower seeds; clean clothes fresh out of the dryer; pizza; kool-aid. I'm all out of smells. Anybody got any more?

I have this awesome costume planned for the Ren Fest this year. But I need some help with the name. I'm going to be Dragonfly (sorry Porkchop), but I don't know if I’m going to be an elf or a nymph. I could just be Dragonfly of the woods, but that's kinda lame. Here's what I'm thinking. A two-sided cape, one side brown, like dirt or trees, and one side green, like grass and leaves, etc. A tank top for the base and mesh or sheer fabric in earth tones in layers on the top, with the bottom edges cut like leaves. A skirt about mid-thigh would be the base for the bottom, with the same layered cover as the top and brown leggings under the skirt. Brown or green boots or black ballet flats, a dragonfly necklace and ring to match, possibly earrings, (silver with a green stone, leather string on the necklace), a brown leather belt with a soft, pliable drawstring bag and leather wrist-bands will accentuate the outfit. A wooden bow, arrows with suction cups on the ends (so I can shoot people), a boot dagger, and possibly a sword will eventually complete the look. So, now that you have an idea, back to the dilemma. A nymph, by definition, is a lesser goddess, portrayed as a beautiful girl, inhabiting fountains, trees, rivers, and mountains. An elf, by definition, is a little creature of folklore with magic power, often mischievous or malicious, but sometimes kind and helpful. Pixie, imp, sprite, fairy, dryad, goblin, leprechaun, brownie, demon, gremlin, hobgoblin, troll, and gnome are all names that the thesaurus lists as antonyms. Help, anyone?

Just to help you decide, here are a few more definitions. Pixie: a small, mischievous elf or fairy; imp: a little or young devil a mischievous sprite; sprite: a fairy, and elf; fairy: a small supernatural being, capable of intervening in human affairs, usually in order to help; dryad: a nymph living in a tree; goblin: a mischievous, ugly spirit; leprechaun: a small mischievous male sprite; brownie: a good-natured goblin supposed to do helpful chores at night; demon: an evil spirit or devil; gremlin: an imaginary mischievous little gnome-like creature blamed especially by airmen for mishaps; hobgoblin: a mischievous male sprite; troll: one of the supernatural beings, formerly thought of as giants, but later as dwarfs, inhabiting caves, hills, etc.; gnome: a member of a race of small misshapen imaginary beings, originally guardians of the earth's subterranean treasures a goblin or dwarf. I think that knocks out leprechaun and hobgoblin, and I really think demon, too. I'm not going to be evil. Aight, it's up to my wonderful devoted audience to decide my fate. :p So, comment away!

Good One

You probably missed it in the rush of news last week (?), but there was actually a report that someone in Pakistan had published an ad in a newspaper offering a reward to anyone who killed an American ... any American.

So an Australian dentist wrote the following to let everyone know what an American is so they would know when they found one. (Good one, mate!)

An American may be English, French, Italian, Irish, German, Spanish, Polish, Russian, or Greek.

An American may be Canadian, Mexican, African, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Australian, Iranian, Arab, Pakistani, or even Afghan.

An American may also be a Cherokee, Osage, Blackfoot, Navaho, Apache, Seminole or one of the many other tribes known as Native Americans.

An American is Christian, or he could be Jewish, or Buddhist, or Muslim.

In fact, there are more Muslims in America than in Afghanistan. The only difference is that in America they are free to worship as each of them chooses.

An American is also free to believe in no religion. For that he will answer only to God, not to the government, or to armed thugs claiming to speak for the government and for God.

An American lives in the most prosperous land in the history of the world.
The root of that prosperity can be found in the Declaration of Independence, which recognizes the right of each person to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

An American is generous. Americans have helped out just about every other nation in the world in their time of need.

When the Soviet army overran Afghanistan 20 years ago, Americans came with arms and supplies to enable the people to win back their country!

As of the morning of September 11, Americans had given more than any other nation to the poor in Afghanistan.

Americans welcome the best products, the best books, the best music, the best food, and the best athletes. But they also welcome the least of these.

The national symbol of America, The Statue of Liberty, welcomes your tired and your poor, the wretched refuse of your teeming shores, the homeless, tempest tossed. These in fact are the people who built America.

Some of them were working in the Twin Towers the morning of September 11, 2001 earning a better life for their families. I've been told that the World Trade Center victims were from at least 30 other countries, cultures, and first languages, including those that aided and abetted the terrorists.

So you can try to kill an American if you must.

Hitler tried.

So did Tojo, Stalin, Mao Tse-Tung, and every bloodthirsty tyrant in the history of the world.

But, in doing so you would just be killing yourself. Because Americans are not a particular people from a particular place. They are the embodiment of the human spirit of freedom. Everyone who holds to that spirit, everywhere, is an American.

Australian author unknown.

News and Stuff

Hey all. A few new developments. My big bro is talking about joining the Coast Guard. Don't know where he got the idea, except that he's always wanted to fly. I think it's pretty cool, and Mom likes it a whole lot better than if he was to join another branch where deployment to the sandbox would be guaranteed. Hey, she's his mom, and he's her only son.

Other than that, my schedule is completely wacky this week. I babysat yesterday and Monday, (but yesterday was more like a fun day with an 8-year-old) I'm off today, and I have to work tomorrow and Friday. Tomorrow I don't have to be there until 2 pm. Friday is regular time. Go figure. We were going to go watch "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory", but the matinee didn't start until 1, wouldn't have been over until 3, and then we wouldn't have made it home in time for her to go to karate class. Long day. Went and dropped a car full of stuff off at Goodwill, went to Wal-Mart, went to McDonald's, went to the high school to visit a few teachers I’ll miss when I'm off at college, saw my old counselor, then went down to the middle school to drop my charge off with her mom. Now, mind you, these things were in two different towns, about a 30 minute drive apart with a stop at my house, which is right in the middle, on the way back. We stopped at my house and watched "Chicken Run" and ate pizza and candy from Wal-Mart.

Then I went to Mema's for a visit and to see a dress she had ordered but didn't like. She wanted to know if I wanted it before she sent it back. It was too short for my taste and a little unflattering, but it was a cute dress in a very pretty green. I was almost sorry to let it go, but I knew I would never wear it. A friend of mine saw my car and brought her baby by to see me and visit. The baby as SOO cute! He's 7 months old and only weighs about 20 lbs. He drools like a leaky faucet, but he's still precious.

As I sit here typing this, (I typed this a day before I actually posted it, so I'm typing in future tense) my brother and father are wrestling on the floor. Very interesting. Derek is bright red and Dad is calmly overpowering him by sheer mass. This is what we do in the boondocks. Wrestle while trying to dodge dogs and chairs and breakable things after Mom goes to bed. Anybody know where I'm coming from on this one?

All of my childhood Derek and I have wrestled with Dad and each other and his friends. In fact, about half of his friends are still a little scared of me because I never hesitated to haul off and punch 'em when they deserved it. That makes for a rather difficult situation to change. No boyfriends from that particular group of his buddies. But the memories are rather priceless. Hangin out with his buddies was always more fun than hanging out by myself. In fact, I often found that I preferred doing stuff with them over stuff with girls my age. Most of the guys were only a year older than me, so the age difference wasn't a barrier. Derek didn't exactly welcome my presence, but playing guy games like Fort and War and Hunters and all of the other nameless creations of our imaginations was the highlight of my summers.

I never really lived up to my tomboy potential unless I was spurred by the presence of a boy/guy/man who is interested in gross guy things like frogs and bugs or a really girly-girl who found such things absolutely disgusting. I don't do the bug thing when I'm alone or with my best friends, and I had never in my life picked up a frog on my own until about a month ago at my uncle's house. Heh. I'm kinda weird. I know. My best friends are an interesting combination of fear and courage, wisdom and stupidity, and girlishness and tom-boyishness. But that's why we get along so well. I guess my friendships are, as everything else acquired of my own volition, eclectic.

If you haven't figured it out yet, I tend to have sudden bursts of self-discovery and I just happen to share them here. So bear with me and feel free to comment and suggest as always. Love and hugs! (Is that better Heathykins?)