Long time, no post...

It's been a while, hasn't it. Sorry. Not a whole lot has been happening. I've been less mothering lately. I guess I'm just getting burned out. But I'll be back to normal soon. Spring break is coming up! I'm doing a bunch of stuff with Mom, and I have some plans of my own, so I'll be busy, but it'll be a good busy. I'm hungry. I went to church this morning. I'm in the library now. Joe, my acting partner, met with me to pick out a play. He was early and my group for production was late, so I multi-tasked for most of the afternoon. I finally got a chance to burn those CD's I've been wanting to burn, so that's good. Other than that, things are rather uneventful. I'm going with the flow, and, with the exception of this ache in my stomach that is hunger, I am doing fine. My roommate and suitemate were both gone this weekend, so I had an incredibly uneventful day yesterday. I slept late and read a book for the 5th time or so, wrote in my journal, took a nap, and munched on some snacky things. Very good day. But anyway, my music is almost finished burning, so I'm off. Food! Yay! Love and toodles!

Development

Here's a thought. Should I just be a theatre teacher? Mother says I won't be as marketable, but I wouldn't have to change my major and I could be just as involved in the theatre department. And I could still teach. Reasoning? I don't really know that I would enjoy teaching English. I know I love the subject, but is that love enough to get me through the classes I hate? Then again, is that love enough to get me through the Theatre classes I hate, too? Ideas? Suggestions? Help?! I may be just sounding off. I'm still in the decision stage, I think. And so the journey continues.

Fears

Life takes unexpected turns. I'm scared to death of failure. Not getting married and having children would be failure. Dying alone and unloved would be failure. Never loving someone completely, not living my life for me, giving up my truest dreams, all failures. I want what everyone wants-happiness. But my happiness depends on something beyond my control. The love of a man who would make a wonderful father and husband. I've made a decision. I want to be a teacher. And I want to stay in Texas. I love Texas. My roots are here. How could I give that up? Who would ask me to? Nobody, I hope. But I'm afraid I'm making a mistake. Changing my major, compromising my "dream", changing my whole life to pursue something that may never actually materialize.

I thought I wanted to direct. I think about it now and I see that my passion doesn't really lie there at all. That it's merely another fun pastime I happen to be good at. So I searched my soul and came up with the answer to my own question, "What will make me truly happy and really fulfill my deepest desires?" Motherhood. It's that simple and yet that complex. I know I wouldn't be happy just sitting at home cooking and cleaning all day, despite the charm that it holds now. I'd be bored out of my mind in a matter of years. So I need a career that will work well with my domestic goals. Teaching. And teaching high school English, no less. With a minor in theatre and my masters in English, I'll not only be incredibly marketable, but I'll be able to do so many things in both small and large school systems. Maybe I'll become another Mrs. Rollins. Sure, that means 2 more years of school and a teaching certification, but I'll be happy. I'll be able to teach, interact with people all day, be a mother and a wife, and have a life both outside and with my work. I'm steadily warming up to this idea. Occasionally berate myself for being nothing but scared, running away from California and the unkind life awaiting me there. But then I'll remember the gorgeous Texas skies and know I'm getting closer and closer to my real dream.

That still leaves me a scared, single college student about to take the hardest and biggest step of her life. I ask your prayers, your support, and your encouragement. Hugs and kisses. Thanks to all of you. Ok, I'm ready to take the plunge. I pray someone will catch me at the bottom...

And Now, Spatula, with Today's News

Hey everybody. How about those Steelers?! Hehe. The game was one point away from the perfect irony, but that's ok. Some pretty funny commercials this year. I didn't see any that really pulled my heart-strings, though. Watched the game with some friends. It was pretty fun.

I'm exceptionally tired today. Heather (my suitemate) and I stayed up until the wee hours Friday and Saturday, and I guess I'm still feeling the effects. At least my homework's all done.

People are dumb. They apparently don't know that the little "away" symbol means I'm NOT HERE! And no, Mark, I'm not talking about you. Random people pop up on my screen when I'm not home. Sure, I love getting messages, but c'mon, don't they posses common sense? Kinda weird in my opinion. But whatever.

In other news, my tooth is in pretty good shape. I got some putty to fill it as my wonderful mother suggested, and it helped. I still don't chew on that side and it hurts occasionally, but at least I can drink things without the excruciating pain shooting through the right side of my jaw and ear. It comes out Friday! Love and toodles!

>>>UPDATE!!! Fresh from the news desk! Just for all of my wonderful readers who notice little things like this, my teeth are fine! I got 2 molars removed on Friday and haven't felt any pain at all. I can now touch the holes with my tongue and play with my gum during class. Life is definitely looking up! I have dissolvable stitches, and they're still there. How long does it take for them to dissolve...?

Thursday: Almost There!

The good mood continues! Yesss! Anbesol tastes funny. I had an awesome workout last night! It was pretty long, but it felt sooo good! I felt it this morning. My legs were kinda shaky and I was really hungry. But I have every intention of doing it again tonight. Now why didn't I start this earlier? I have no idea. I love it! Who would've thought I would actually LIKE to work out?!?! Haha. Not me!

But on to other things. My mouth is numb. It's a totally awesome feeling. :p We get free breakfast tomorrow morning provided by the wonderful people at Residence Life. We get an allotment every month to spend on what ever we want. This month, it's breakfast. We also had a "welcome back" party last Wednesday.

My MySpace song is the Top Gun Anthem!!! Yay! I LOVE that song! One of the greatest instrumentals ever!

I'm glad Jessalyn's buckling down and not partying as much, but she's home all of the time. Not exactly cool. And she sleeps CONSTANTLY! But whatever. I don't even really care if I wake her up. She wakes me up all of the time. So poo.

Did everyone hear about the Seattle scandal?! They've been using a registered trademark (not their own) for about 20 years now and the finally got caught! They stole the "12th Man" phrase and idea from Texas A&M, and now the Aggies are takin' 'em to court! Woohoo! Gig 'em! This is a time for Texas to unite. We should all be together in our defense of the trademark. Even if you bleed orange instead of maroon. Interesting thought.

Sewing mantra for the week: You rip what you sew!