Relay for Life

Well, last night was the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life. Fun fun. It started at 7 pm and ended at 6 this morning. We cut out at about 5 this morning, but it was pretty fun. We stayed up and walked until about 3 then piled up in the tent. We tried to sleep, but it was too bright, too loud, and the ground was a tad bit too hard. So I drove the Hobbit (yay!) back home early this morning, got my bag out, and fell into bed. I slept from about 6:15 until about 10 when Jarrod called. My phone was ringing and I was trying to turn off my alarm clock (lol), and then I realized it was my cell, so I answered. He got into A&M! Yay!!! He's happy about that. He was actually home yesterday, but he left this morning for college again. He was at the baseball game last night when I came by to take pictures, but I didn't see him. I had his pictures with me, too! I've been roped into the yearbook staff, and I'm doing the varsity baseball spread. I needed candids to fill some spaces, so I left the relay to take them. I had to take Kourtney home first, but it wasn't too far. I promised Mawmaw (her grandma, but I've fondly adopted the name) that I'd take care of her. I got the pics I needed, but I didn't get any sleep last night. Good trade off? I haven't figured it out yet. I don't think I'll have any trouble going back to sleep tonight. Heh. Well, I've got to go get a shower and get ready for a church singing tonight. I'm running the sound system in the absence of my brother. Yeah... well, toodles all.

Explosive!

Today, as I was driving into the parking lot of the prison where my mother works, I was attacked! Ok, not really, but it sounded like it. You know how a water balloon sounds when it hits a car or window? That was what I heard; only it wasn’t a WATER balloon, but a soft drink of some sort. Or so I thought. When I looked around for the real cause of the disturbance, I saw, to my utter dismay that a half-can of Dr. Pepper (very similar to Mr. Pibb) had exploded! The culprit? The Texas heat. For those of you unfamiliar with the experience, let’s just say it’s not exactly cooling. But the can was super-cool, and I found myself laughing in spite of the situation. Oh well. The little joys of life are always a bit surprising.

I got prom pictures developed and actually got the professional pictures back yesterday. They’re great! I’m so excited! Photobucket.com, in my album (pampam05), if you want to see ‘em. The Hobbit’s fixed! Yay! We’re going to get it today, and I get to drive it home! I have to give Chip, the guy who fixed it, a big hug. Lol.

Well, my birthday was really great. I got flowers and balloons, a teddy bear, jewelry, $$, and lots of little blessings. It was great! I KNEW my senior year was worth waiting for! It’s been completely great the whole year! With the exception of a few minor inevitable mishaps, that is. Well, I’m copying pictures, and I think my yellow is almost out, but they’re already printed, so I’ve got to go cut ‘em out. Lots of love to everybody, especially Chad and Carrie Ann! Toodles!

18

It's my BIRTHDAY!!! I'm finally 18! Mom and Dad came in my room this morning and gave me two jewelry boxes... And in them was a pair of earrings, a necklace, and a ring! Light blue stones on yellow gold with a little white/silver around them, all in the shape of hearts. Yay! They're gorgeous! And Brandy gave me $21 (a 20 $ bill and a $1 to pin on my shirt) and a safety pin. Lol. It's a ritual at our school to pin a dollar on your shirt so everybody knows it's your b-day and gives you $$$. She also gave me card, which was really cute. M&D got me a card, too. It's gonna be a great day! The weather's awesome and I'm so happy! Still no wisdom... But I can wait. :)

Presents

Hey all. Tomorrow is the big day. Or maybe the not-so-big day. I got a present today. Actually, Mom got me an outfit and a purse Friday, but Alex gave me a cool homemade gift. It has music notes all over it and P-A-M in red foil behind a clear transparency-type cover. That cover has writing on it.

"The secret of all of those who make discoveries is that they regard nothing as impossible. Be yourself. That's all there is of you. To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived This is to have succeeded. Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself. Be silly. Be happy. Be kind. The invariable mark of wisdom is to see the miraculous in the common. Write it on your heart that every day is the best day of the year. None of us will ever accomplish anything excellent or commanding. Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not. Life is a festival only to the wise. Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail. This day is all that is good and fair. It is too dear, with its hopes and invitation, to waste a moment on yesterdays. The greatest gift is a portion of thyself."

I'm going to frame it and hang it on my wall. I know just the place. :)

Birthdays

I'll be 18 on Wednesday. I can't wait til I wake up and have waves of adult wisdom just wash over me! Yeah, I know, dream on. But why do I feel like this is such a big deal? So much bigger than 16, even.

Graduation

For those of you who don't know, it looks as if I'll be the official valedictorian this year, so I get to make a speech. However, I'm not sure that I'm up to this, so I'm asking for LOTS OF ADVICE!!! For those of you who are graduating with me, DO NOT READ THIS UNLESS YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO SAY!!! That's your warning, so don't blame me... Oh well. Seriously, any advice, comments, etc. I've pulled this from all over, be it emails or blogs, so it's collaborative. Lol. Here goes! It's kind of long, so you might be here for a few minutes. And it always works better when read aloud.

Rough Draft

In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly olive green one.

In first grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you and held your hand as you walked through the scary halls.

In second grade it was the person who helped you stand up to the class bully.

In third grade it was the person who shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus.

In fourth grade it was the person who was willing to switch square dancing partners in gym so you wouldn't have to be stuck do-si-do-ing with Nasty Nick or Smelly Susan.

In fifth grade it was the person who saved a seat on the back of the bus for you.

In sixth grade it was the person who went up to Nick or Susan, your new crush, and asked them to dance with you, so that you wouldn't have to be embarrassed if they said no.

In seventh grade your idea of a good friend was the person who let you copy the social studies homework from the night before that you had forgotten.

In eighth grade it was the person who helped you pack up your stuffed animals and old baseball but didn't laugh at you when you finished and broke out into tears.

In ninth grade it was the person who would go to a party thrown by a senior so you wouldn't wind up being the only underage person there.

In tenth grade it was the person who changed their schedule so you would have someone to sit with at lunch.

In eleventh grade it was the person who gave you rides in their new car, convinced your parents that you shouldn't be grounded, consoled you when you broke up with Nick or Susan, and found you a date to the formal.

In twelfth grade it was the person who helped you pick out a college or university, assured you that you would get into that college or university, helped you deal with your parents who were having a hard time adjusting to the idea of letting you go...

At graduation it was the person who was crying on the inside but managed the biggest smile one could give as they congratulated you.

Now, your idea of a good friend is still the person who gives you the better of the two choices, holds your hand when you're scared, helps you fight off those who try to take advantage of you, thinks of you at times when you are not there, reminds you of what you have forgotten, helps you put the past behind you but understands when you need to hold on to it a little longer, stays with you so that you have confidence, goes out of their way to make time for you, helps you clear up your mistakes, helps you deal with pressure from others, smiles for you when they are sad, helps you become a better person, and most importantly loves you!

Remember that the friends who have stood by you through these past years will remain your friends for the rest of your lives. Don't let that vital relationship die! Each person you consider a friend has influenced you beyond even your own knowledge. We are the future, class of 2005. We are the present, and truly a major part of the shape of the world surrounding us. But we are also the past. And the past is a vital part of who we are and who we will become. So remember your friends.

Remember, too, your family. These wonderful people who have raised you are your strength. Your driving force.

Now, some of you might argue that your family didn't really support you as you think they should have, but think about this for a minute. Even if you feel that your parents made your life utterly miserable, leaving them to get out of that situation was your drive to graduate. So thank them. Even if you don't like them, you love them simply because they are your family, and don't ever forget that simple, yet vital fact.

It is my job this evening to give you words of wisdom for the future. And I've thought about a quote that will inspire you, or a personal story to encourage you to triumph, but neither of those seemed quite right. Other people don't live your life, and I'm absolutely not perfect. But there are a few simple concepts I would like for you to take away from my little bit tonight.

Love is the key to a full life. Love with all you have. Yes, it hurts when your heart is broken, but you can't fully live life when you only love half-way.

True friends are few and far between in this wide world. Stick by the ones you have and they'll stick by you. Don't turn your back on your friends when times get tough. Your friends are your only tie to reality when the world threatens to fall down around your ears.

Don't treat anybody like anything other than you would want to be treated. Remember the golden rule. That means don't indulge in the deceptions and animosity in the world. Remain above that. But don't ever let yourself believe that people are anything other than your own equal.

Guess what y'all. We're the future. The world will change from the decisions we make. Scary? Not really. I know that I am graduating with seventy-____ amazing people who know not only right from wrong, but the right way to live as well. Be true to your ideals. Know who you can turn to in times of trouble. Expect people to turn to you. Never turn away a lonely and fearful soul when it is in your power to change their life and make it better.

It is time for us to put our childish tendencies behind us. We must become mature adults. What is maturity? Maturity is growing up. Maturity is disagreeing gracefully - not throwing temper tantrums. It is being genuinely interested in other people. It is learning to listen. It is not having to constantly talk about yourself. It is being secure in yourself in all situations, free from intimidation and fear. Maturity is being who you are no matter whom you're with and not being ashamed of it. It is being content with what you have. It is not defining yourself by the type, brand, price or status of your possessions. Maturity is remaining humble when you are exalted. It is being able to relate to all ages and classes of people while communicating a sense of equal importance. It is being alone and unafraid. Maturity is never putting up a front. It is making life decisions based on long-term, rather than short-term satisfaction. It is not having to know everything about everyone. Maturity is not speaking negative words about anyone, even if they're true. It is remaining calm during confrontation. It is treating each person as if they've never wronged you. It is fading into the background instead of being in the spotlight. Maturity is speaking few words and speaking them well. Maturity is not an age thing. It's not a looks thing. Maturity isn't even about what you do. Maturity is about what you do as a result of who you've become on the inside.

Over the years, many things have influenced me personally. God, my parents, my brother, my friends, my church family, and many others have entered my life. Many have exited my life as well, but I have never not learned something from each person. Make that your ultimate goal. Learn something and change for the better with each new friendship, new relationship, and new experience. Do not allow life to become stale. Believe in what you know is true. Keep your roots strong. Know who you are, where you've come from, and who you want to be.

You know what to do. We are the graduating class of 2005. We are powerful, mighty, and united. We are here, standing behind each other, and you must in turn stand behind each of us. We made it. We will go on. Look out there. Meet the world with open arms, embrace life. I love all of you, and I know all of you will do great things. Best of luck, and may God bless each and every one of you. Congratulations, class of 2005.

Feet and Punkin Seeds

I have made two decisions.

1) Dirty feet should be included in the chronic disease category. It seems as if my feet are always dirty. But it's not a fatal chronic disease. Maybe it's just cuz I love to walk around without shoes.

2) Punkin seeds are good eatin!

Portable Feelings

I'm in the habit of actually writing my blog entries before I post them. So I can write/post without a computer and therefore make observations outside of whatever library or classroom I'm posting from. So I'm sitting on the sidewalk outside at lunch watching a couple of guys play hackie sack, waiting for Monion to show back up. But lunch is almost over. The library is occupied by straggling testers, so I can't go to my usual hangout.

Not to self: don't cook french toast when in a hurry. It took me about 30 minutes this morning to fix 8 slices of toast for me and Mom. Oh, and I've discovered that I absolutely LOVE to cook! I've been fixing breakfast foods for the past four days and I'm so impressed! Lol.

My cousins are here! And my uncle, his girlfriend, and their dog. Mema called my cell yesterday and told me to call her, so I did. She said, "There's somebody here who really wants to talk to you." She handed Ian the phone and he said, "hey there, Pammy!" Of course, that really made my day. We all went over to see them and hang out after we got home. I've missed them so much! They're visiting from Illinois.

Granny

Today is the seventh anniversary of my granny's death. She was an amazing person and we all miss her very much. People tell me I'm just like her, and that's the best compliment I could ever receive. When she was in the hospital for the last time, I prayed that she wouldn't die or be buried on my birthday and that she would live to see the book I wrote about her published. She didn't. Seven days before my eleventh birthday, at about 8 pm, she left us for a better home. The book came in May.

Irony here. Granddaddy passed away 7 days before my bro's 18th birthday. Ages were 7 years apart. Kinda cool, right? Well, I thought so anyway. This is our first anniversary of her death in this house. I miss her.

Sleeping In

Hey all! The rest of the school is taking TAKS (Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills) this week so I get to sleep in! Along with the rest of the seniors, that is. Revival was awesome, in case anybody was wondering. Pray for our revival team, though, cuz they live in Indiana, which is a massive drive, and the preacher's wife is having some serious health problems. But I've got chores before I go to class, so toodles! Love y'all!

Prom News!

Mmmk, prom. I danced with Ricky, Trevor, Cullen, Josh, William, and of course, Jarrod. We ate at Papdeaux's. For the two of us it was $52 and some change, and I got complimentary dessert for my impending birthday. Vanilla Cheesecake with strawberries and a fork for everybody. :) I got my hair done at 10:30, but first I picked up flowers. Jarrod's mom did my nails, and I love 'em! We've got pictures form the house, from Jarrod's, and from prom, so y'all'll get to see us when I get them posted. Our pictures (pro) are gonna be so cute! Jarrod taught me how to two-step, and we danced together about 5 times. We left about 11:45, changed, then went to Jim's house. We watched DVD's and then fell asleep in various locations. It was so cold! I found some socks, but we still froze. Jarrod suggested body-heat sharing, but that would've been a bit awkward... When I finished dancing with Cullen I kissed him on the cheek just because. And I didn't want to have any regrets. Know what I mean? So I did it. Reason? Because he's a great guy and a friend. Impulsive? Lol. We had a "senior moment" where we all got on the dance floor and cheered and swayed to "Freebird" and watched Chad play air guitar on Troy's cane. We got souvenirs and the punch cups and goofy pictures, so we'll definitely remember. Nothing "happened" at our party, so don't even worry. Jim piled up in a tent, Ashley and Tim curled up by the fire, and the other Ashley and Wormy, her boyfriend, slept in the back of his Tahoe. (We checked on them a few times until they fell asleep.) Jarrod and I tried to sleep in the bed of his truck, but we weren't very successful because it was so cold. We watched a couple of movies, like I said, and had an absolute blast!!! I don't think I forgot anything... but can you think of any question? I had so much fun!!! I'm so glad I went with the group and had a date!

He Didn't Come

He didn't come.

Moving on, tonight's prom!!! Jarrod will be here at about 3:15 to pick me up, and I'm so excited! My hair's so cute! Yes, I'll take pictures. Jarrod's mom did my nails and Lisa did my hair. I picked up Brandy's corsage and Jarrod's flower. (Too hard to spell.) I'm pumped! My makeup's done and my jewelry's on, now I'm just waiting until about 2:30 to put my dress on. It's glittery and "sheds" everywhere. We're staying at Jim's house after prom and Derek'll come pick me up for church. Should I wear my dress to church tomorrow?

But he didn't come. Revival was good last night. And I'm sure it'll be good tonight. Two services tomorrow, and then we're done. I almost cried when he never showed up. Is that sad? Yeah, it is, but I couldn't help it. I was so looking forward to his visit. And now I don't know when I'll see him again. He'll be in J-town in the summer... Well, I've got other things to concentrate on, so I'll be aight.

I've got another poem. I was struck with an overwhelming feeling of inadequacy when I read everybody else's poems, but I'll post my newest poem possibly tomorrow. Well, I'm off! Talk to y'all later! Lots of love and hugs to everybody!

A Poem

Hey all! Just gotta be like everyone else. I wrote this a while back, and I don't think it's quite finished, but I'm stuck. Ideas, comments, you know how it goes. And yeah, it rhymes, but that's the easiest method for me.

Lonely

What I dream of in a guy
Is as plain as day.
I want one handsome, brave, and strong.
I want one who will stay
Close beside me through the night
To keep me safe and warm.
Someone to hold and love me tight
Through all of life's bitter storms.

A Christian man with strong ideals
Not prone to infidelity and deceit
Is my desire, the one true test,
Which may prove too large a feat.
Long enough have I waited
For the true love of dreams.
I feel myself losing hope
As I come apart at the seams.

Hectic days and lonely nights
Create dreams of chaos.
I awake to silent walls,
Pillows warm from long night's toss.
As I dress and prepare for the day
And wish for arms around me
It's as fruitless as a desert
To think that I could truly be free.

Free from dark and evil dreams
And dragons that rise from the sea.
Free from spider-webs that grab you in the night
And traps set just for me.
For this black hole is as a prison,
Layered thick with fear
Of never-ending solitude as it echoes
Always and forever, "No one there."

Yeah, it started as a description and ended as a cry for something more... But still, it doesn't seem right. Suggestions?

Last night I went out to eat with Jarrod's family. It was fun, and I'm glad I went, even if I did miss revival. Well, got a few things to do, so toodles for now. Love y'all!

Killer Type

You are a Samurai.
You are full of honour and value respect. You
are not really the stereotypical hero, but you
do fight for good. Just in your own way. For
you, it is most certainly okay to kill an evil
person, if it is for justice and peace. You
also don't belive in mourning all the time and
think that once you've hit a bad stage in life
you just have to get up again. It's pointless
to concentrate on emotional pain and better to
just get on with everything. You also are a
down to earth type of person and think before
you act. Impulsive people may annoy you
somewhat.

Main weapon: Sword
Quote: "Always do the right thing.
This will gratify some people and astonish the
rest" -Mark Twain
Facial expression: Small smile

http://www.quizilla.com/users/PainfulBliss/quizzes/What%20Type%20of%20Killer%20Are%20You%3F%20%5Bcool%20pictures%5D

What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by
http://www.quizilla.com/popular.html

To answer Amethyst's question and fill the rest of my clueless audience in, here's a brief filler on the guy I was excited about seeing yesterday. Ryan is a preacher-friend of mine. He's 24, and has a little boy, but he's never been married. Yes, I said he's preacher. Not ordained, but he's REALLY REALLY good! Well, God uses him in amazing ways. He has an awesome testimony, too. We originally met him when he came with a singing group to our church, and we've had him back to preach a few times and just love him to death. We email each other periodically, so I know what's generally going on, but we haven't had a chance to really talk since the last time he came, which was in January. He was invited back to spend Friday and Saturday with us for the revival and dinner and for us to see his son, whom we haven't met yet, but I don't know if he'll come. I sent him a message this morning asking if he was going to make it back, but he doesn't check his email very often... He's super sweet and super cool and a really great guy, and he's friend of the entire family. I hope he comes!

Prom is this Saturday! Jarrod's mom offered to help with my hair, dress, nails, or anything else I needed for prom, so she's going to do my manicure at about 9:30 on Saturday. My hair appt. is for 10:30, and I have to pick up my date's boutonniere that morning, so I'll be a little busy, but it's no biggie. I can take Mom's car and get everything taken care of. I'm so excited! Everybody keeps asking if Jarrod and I are going out... I tell them no, which is the truth, but do you honestly have to be "seeing" someone to go to prom? No, of course not! I'm just glad I'm an optimistic person and can guarantee I'll have a good time! Yay! Well, that's what's going through my head right now, so I'm floating on Cloud 9! I'll write more when I come back down, which means you probably won't hear from me for the rest of today! Hehe. Love y'all! Toodles!

My "More"

Ok, here's my "more." Well, Jim consented to go with us. Our reservations are for 5 PM, so we're going really early, but we'll have plenty of time to eat. So it'll be ok. Hopefully we'll have a great time. Jarrod's ordering my corsage today, I think. His boutonniere has been done since Monday afternoon, so they'll match wonderfully.

Ryan's coming! He's supposed to call this morning and tell Dad if he's coming early enough to eat with us. But he'll be here this evening to preach for sure. His brother is a Marine who just got home from Iraq, and might come with him, but I couldn't tell you for sure. Well, that's pretty much what's going on today, so I guess I'll talk to y'all later! Love y'all! Toodles.

UPDATE> Ryan's not coming for supper. He has some sort of inservice or a workshop or something, so he'll be here later than we had hoped. Bummer. But we're still going to eat with the revival music leader's family, so I have to leave early anyway. Poop. I wanted to hang out with my buddy. Oh well. Now to work on scholarship stuff...

News

Jim's going with us!!! Yay! More later...

Time and Prom Problems

Time wants to be either killed or used. I can't help but kill Time. He just won't stop laughing at my jokes!

Revival starts tomorrow. We're meeting Ryan at 4:30 at the church and then taking him out to eat.

Our prom plans have changed about 15 times. We were going to Beaumont to Johnny Carino's, then to the Cattle Company Steakhouse, then Olive garden, the a restaurant in Nacogdoches called La Hacienda, then to the Junction Restaurant in Huntsville. I mentioned it to Mom and she strictly forbade my going to Huntsville for dinner before prom. Dad teamed up with her, so we're going to Beaumont again, to Papadeaux's. It's a seafood restaurant, which we wanted to avoid because 2 of our party don't like seafood, but they serve other things.

I called Jarrod almost in tears this morning, angry and upset about their decision, but we got it sorted out. We're wearing our dresses to dinner after much debate, but now Jim doesn't want to go because she's sacred she'll get something on her dress. And she doesn't want to be the only one not dressed up. But we're staying at her house after prom! I tried telling her not to sacrifice having a good time for the sake of a difference in dress, or a stupid spot on her formal, but she's convinced she can't stay clean. It's frustrating, because this has been going on all weekend. We're working our butts off, trying to find a place that everybody likes and agrees with so we can all be together! And we just want to make reservations! I told my mother I think I'm going to get an ulcer if this keeps up much longer. I've got to go work on my research paper...

Results

Well, we didn't advance in OAP yesterday, but we're all tired, so it's not really that bad of a thing. A part of me wanted to advance, but the rest of me just wants a break from my four-year time, energy, and mind investment. Tired. I know, my readers and fellow bloggers have SO MUCH more going on that I do, but, hey, it's my blog. I'm feeling better than I was, so that's a plus. I'm gonna take a loooong nap after church... Well, got to go. Sunday School starts in a few minutes... Toodles.

My Dress!!!

Well, what do y'all think? Lemme know! I'll get pics of me in it after prom. Toodles!

The Surreal Life

Today is a very surreal experience. It's like I'm not really here, in these halls, seeing these people. Maybe I'm just so comfortable in my surroundings that I just don't feel real anymore. Whatever it is, it's not necessarily a bad feeling. I know that the people around me are all people I know and care about, so maybe I should just relax and enjoy it. Go figure. Well, just today's observation. 18 days!!! Hehe. I'll be 18 in 18. :P Going dress shopping today. Leaving at 2, will report back on what we find. I promise!!! Possibly even pictures... But no promises. Toodles!

Capitulate

Wow. I feel so shallow. The world doesn't revolve around me. Far from it; I am a pawn in a bigger game. A friend of ours died this morning. Very sad. His wife is probably not going to be able to handle it well. Makes you realize just how small you are in a world where bigger things are happening.

My Complaints

Do you ever just feel used? I guess that's how I feel today. In One Act Plat, I buy stuff, I get things, I'm responsible for so much, and none of it's appreciated. It just pisses me off! And I don't get mad about anything! I get annoyed, I get frustrated, but I don't get mad. And that really makes me mad! In National Honor Society, Zack and I generally bear the bulk of the work, the responsibility, and the organization while our president sits back and tries to delegate, yet won't let us do "anything without her." In Spanish Honor Society, I never get any news about what's going on, I'm informed at the last minute that things are going to happen,and I'm president of the club! And yet it's not ok for me to say, "Wait, I want to be a part of this, since I AM supposed to be in charge here!" In Interact, I do a lot, but I'm thanked for it at least. In band, I volunteer to do a lot, but then our director expects me to make sure every little thing in my section is taken care of. There are ten people in my section, the people don't even listen to me, and I'm in charge!?!? What am I doing? Why can't I just say no? Let go? Let someone else take care of it. Yeah, right. I got myself into this hole, but I can't get out. I know, "stop digging," but it's not that easy. How can I get out of this trench when all I have is my own two hands? And I'm out of drive, out of desire. I want to just blame my problems on two or three justly responsible parties... but I can't. I wasn't raised to be that way. I'm the type of person that finishes what I start. I can't let other people take over my tasks until I'm finished. And I can't finish until replacements have been named. We should have no problem taking care of that. Elections will be pretty soon and OAP won't advance. It'll all be over pretty soon...

Well, for those of you who take the time to read this: thanks. I've been having tons more bad days than usual, and it;s beginning to worry me. I have a request. Give me reasons to be happy with my life as it is. Anything you can think of, any reason you can come up with. Now don't get any ideas about me being (heaven forbid) suicidal. I'm just almost to a point of what feels like, and I can only describe as depression. I've got to snap out of it, but I can't do it alone. I'm going to need help. Any and all is welcome. Porkchop, have you noticed? Do I seem as different as I feel? Thanks guys. Lots of love. Toodles.

Kim

Well, Kim... Kim is my super-cool awesome buddy who shares my birthday. She is a preacher's daughter and one of my close friends. She has this really cool little green quote book in which she writes comments about life, observations, and random thoughts. I'm not allowed to publish comments without permission, so maybe I'll get back to you on those. She's actually a year younger than I am, but there are strange parallels in our lives. We're both the youngest daughter. We were both born in California. Both of our fathers are active church. We're both in band, Interact, NHS, and soon, SHS. Well, that's my Kim entry. Nothing to do today that's just hugely important, so toodles! Oh, 19 days until my birthday! And only 50-some-odd days until graduation! Counting weekends. Love y'all!

Houston

As a side note, we don't count the day of our birthday or the day we're in. So, with simple additions from yesterday, my birthday is the 27th. Just fyi. I was going to talk about something... Oh well, I forgot. No, wait! The AR trip! I'm going to Houston today to tour a museum, shop at the mall, and watch an Astros game. Accelerated Reader is a program we started back in first grade. We read books then take quizzes for points. I've gone on every AR trip since they started going places. We used to buy things with our points, but have since substituted field trips. Fun fun! I know we'll have a blast. Well, hope everybody's having a good day! With my counting system, we have 20 days left! Yay! I'll explain about Kim tomorrow. Love y'all!

2day

21 DAYS!!! I'll be 18 in 21 days!!! Yay! Well, just a minor update. Zack is taking me home again today, since no truck yet, so I'll actually get home in a timely manner. Didn't do a whole bunch today, except watch some movies and a do super-easy Calculus lesson. Derivatives are cool. Hehe. Talked to Josh last night on AOL about how things are going. He's in the Army, stationed in WA. He's actually one of my brother's friends, but I know him from band and school and stuff. His buddy Paul got on his name and we talked for a second, then I had to get off the comp so Dad could use the phone. Oh well. It was nice talking to him. Well, toodles!

Agenda

For all of my fans (yeah, I know "whatever"), I'm feeling lots better about life today. Just letting you know. I am now on my way to the band hall to paint my toenails...

One of Those Days

Didn't I already have one of these? Well, very little sleep (about 4 of my usual 7 1/2 to 8) has semi-fried my brain into an apathetic state. Go figure. I'm supposed to be in Physics right now, but all of the females in the class invaded the library. Cool, huh? So far the day hasn't actually been that bad, but just waking up this morning threw me off my game. Hehe. Like I have game. But apparently everyone already knows about my prom date. Which is actually cool because it means that people talked about me, at least to say that if nothing else. Would have had a nap yesterday, as is custom, but Kristen called so I had to call her back, and then Jarrod called, so I had to call him back (these were two missed calls from earlier in the day). I talked to each one of them for about 10 minutes then rolled over to catch some z's, but then Jonathan called. This guy is an old acquaintance from previous years in high school. We saw each other at the pageant/play over the break and traded numbers. On a bit of a whim, at least on my part. He called me up Sunday afternoon just to chat and we spent about five minutes talking then about half that again in silence. I told him I'd "let him go" and proceeded to attempt sleep again. Too hot, then too cold, then no comfortable position, on and on it went. Same again last night. My calves were cramping and, after a great massage from Mom and a shower, I was heating them with a rice bag. So my bed was too hot. Then I kicked the covers off and my arms were cold. Man, talk about a rough combination. Usually, when I get a nap I don't sleep very deeply, but the nap makes up for it. Yesterday, no nap, no sleep. This spatula is one tired puppy. But I have OAP practice again tonight and no ride still. Maybe, someday, my prince will come. I broke the news to Dad that I'll probably end up marrying a man in uniform. Something about the way they look in those things... *sigh* La-da-da-da la-la-la da-la la-da-la-laaaa... Needs some of Chad's music notes. :) Toodles all. Love ya!

Update

Ok, scratch that. Going to J-town with Kristen until it's time for practice. Now to find a way home...

TGI Friday!!!

Great restaurant, by the way. Hmm, more Dogwood practice, then I'm stuck in town until midnight again with Derek. But maybe I'll find something to do... All of my gal pals are gonna be at the Kingsmen Ball, so we'll just have to wait and see. All alone today. Yay! Mom's better! But I don't know how long that'll last. She's going to the doctor on Monday. Derek's truck is almost fixed, and the Hobbit's up next, but it isn't looking good. I probably won't have my baby back until after next week. Serious bummer. Well, somebody give me an update on what's new in the outside world! I feel so isolated. One by one the penguins steal my sanity...